Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi all,

I am married for 3 yrs and have 1 kid but my married life was never smooth.
Although we had a love marriage,Lots of troubles and family fights but finally we have settle down for the sake of kid.
He use to respect and love me alot initially.
But now i am very much irritated by my hubby's behaviour.
We both r working.
i am managing kid, home and job alone. there is no contribution from him.
My prob. is My hubby is quite dominated, he always criticizes me for whatever i do.
I mean, he is very good in finding faults in me.
whenever we r in good mood, communicate or discuss something ,or i'll try to share my view ,he'll stop me in between and insults,critizes me badly, tries to prove me wrong. He'll show that whatever he's saying is correct and i am totally wrong or an idiot. He is 3.5 years elder to me.
In order to avoid fights and furhter heated exchange, i prefer to be quiet.
but It hurts actually from inside. It is making me depressed and declining my confidence.

Every time i decide not to share any thing with him but then again i have to discuss since there is no one else to talk at home.
i am much more educated to him and earning more also. i have nice personality also.
Whenever after a fight if i'll stop talking , rather than saying sorry or actually realizing the mistake he'll expect me to resume talking .

But then also he'll pass comments like this..
-u don't know how to dress up?
-he'll say someimes i wonder how u got such a higher education?
-Who told u to apply kajal, u don't have beautifull eyes.
Ironically except him everyone has appreciated my eyes.

- etc..etc.....

Pls. don't consider me wrong i am not doing self praising.i know i could be wrong sometimes but not everytime.


I love him a lot from inside and never feels superior about my edu or earning. He never cooperates with me , no matter whether i am well or not.

My in-laws also behave with me in this manner.
Now i feels as if he is walking on their footprints.

day by day i am distracting from him. i am so frustated and angry.

I don't know how to handle this situation.
But unable to tolerate his kingship.

kindly help me to tackle this situation smartly.
Thanks 4 sparing time on reading my prob.

take care.
Ne Tony S replied. Dear Ne,
As i was reading your problem I felt I was reading my own !!!!! I faced the same thing for many years initially. As Veena has rightly said your husband suffers from an inferiority complex. He compares himself with u and knows in his heart that u r better than him in every way. - Whether it is managing home, the kid or even at work (because of your higher education and better pay). Thats the reason he tries to put u down because he feels it gives him some kindof satisfaction inside. I am sure your inlaws will grab an opportunity and make the best use of this situation. The best way to tackle it is to be where u r and not lose your self-confidence. U r good and u know it, so dont budge from there. Try praising him for things in which he is good at and tell others also the same when he is around. This way his ego and self-confidence is not threatened. Secondly involve him in activities where u guys can really bond together as a couple more than as parents of your kid - for ex. watching a movie after the kid goes to sleep or even cleaning a cupboard on a weekend. Even if he helps a little tell him and thank him saying we could achieve this because of our strong teamwork. If he refuses to get you vegetables or refuses to come to the grocery store, just dont feel bad. Accept the situation gracefully but make sure u buy a few of his favourite things. This way he will feel important. He is important to u so it is always good to express the same. The next time he says u dont have good eyes tell him thats why I apply kajal so that my eyes look beautiful and I can see your handsome face in them. If he still continues to make some other bitter remark tell him sternly that I like it and it makes me feel good so I shall wear it. When u sit for discussions and he tries to put u down, ask him 'Is this topic open for discussion or is it going to be a reprimand session ? - then I am not interested to discuss now. Tell me when u r ready so we can discuss like 2 mature individuals with diff. opinions.' If he still does not relent and makes some other bitter remark just walk away from the room and get busy with your own work - household or with the kid. Also on weekends u can meet friends as a family. This way his mind will open up and he will be assured that u love him and respect him even if he has lesser education and lesser pay than him. Wish u all the best. Bye
veena replied. dear ne
the real problem is inferiority complex on the part of ure husband.You are not responsible for this.Do not let him affect ure confidence.you can either do this
1) If he tries to insult you or ridicule you just sternly say that you do not like /appreciate this kind of behaviour
or

2) Do not pay heed to his remarks but continue with whatever ure doing & simply look unaffected/untouched by his behaviour simply look happy & contented That would be enough to put him off