Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Name: Nef

Hi all DILs,

I guess i am having similar problems with everyone else here. But u see i have never had any problems with parents. In fact my x's family and i used to get along so well not just immediate family but extended as well. They showered me with all the attention and love and GIFTS inc his sisters! It was so awesome! I was living with them even and didnt want to move out but unfortunately i didnt get along with the son. Right now i am currently married to my husband whom i love dearly and who loves me as he has shown much support and affection and does listen to me alot. Ironicly, i dont get along with my in-laws as i feel they want total control of my life. Initially i treated them with lots of love like my previous family but then i came to realise (thank god not too late) their true colours and have been taking small steps by making a stand for myself. i used to feel guilty as i didnt want to hurt anyone but i also realised if i didnt take control of my life then i will not ever have it and neither will i have control of my kids! My husband and i have moved to another location away from them and we are planning another move in June further away. So i am thankful for such a husband. I have taken most of your advise to keep distance, be polite, diplomatic and cordial and most of all FIRM! I have stood up for myself and i have very little to say to them. Now they just go to my husband but most times he compromises to make both happy. Which i guess is what i can ask for. I knw i have not gone into specifics but my mil actually told my husband to say no to me cos she does not like us going out and she is so sensitive to the extent that we cant even go out for dinner bcos she gets upset and thinks that her cooking is not good enuff. But since moving i have been feeling more comfortable and it has given my husband and i time to get to knw each other and our privacy too! anyways i thought i would like to share some advise i received from a counsellor (yes i was so stressed and depressed and down i needed help)...well i would like to share this to benefit everyone who is in the same situation or about to get married...

\";Basically I feel that your intuition that your husband does better away from his family is right on the button. That is the main reason that selling up and forging a life in away where you can still maintain a long-distance relationship with his family, but be away from their influence, is probably the best choice for your future, marriage and family. Selling the house, aside from giving you the finances required to start elsewhere, cuts the ties and frees you both to do what you want to do without obligations.
I feel, as you do, that once you are living life for yourselves the sky's the limit for the future you can create. Taking control of your own life should not create bad karma. If your actions are guided by love and truth, with no harmful intent towards another person, then you are just following your path. Allowing your life to be dominated by others does not create good karma, neither does being forced by obligation or guilt into actions and decisions that don't feel right for you and your family.
Once you have made firm decisions regarding your move and start standing your ground as a united couple, I feel that synchronicity will start taking place and things will start falling into place - including a career for you.\";

Oh yes in case u are wondering why i m not working as my work visa/authorisation is not approved yet hence the delay!

well ladies i hope this helps in some small way as it has helped me. I would like to wish you all the best of luck and that we should all unite together and form a bond to support each other cos we can stick together. Helps make us stronger!
all the best for 2006, this is a great site btw and great article too, thank u! Nef!

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