Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Dear Ladies
I have written on this website earlier. I am married for almost 3 yrs and have had a very tough time in my marriage. My husband is an only child and very spolit, of 36 yrs of age. His mother is very attached to him and does not leave him alone.
My mother in law is a classic one, who is very jelous, attached to her son, and hates my family. She has told my husband not to allow any of my family at home, or for him not to stay at home at my parents place who live in India. We live in the US. She told my hubby not to discolose how much he is earning. He is working in a joint business with his father. We are of 2 different religions and she has already decided that our kids (not yet born) will be my husband's religion.
The problem is that my husband does not believe whatever his mother says, but he's too weak to confront or change the situation. He does not care about my feelings. I do not give into the situations and always fight with him and ensure that my family are at home, etc... But it has started affecting my health...
My main concern is that my husband does not stand up for what HE believes in and he does not stand up for me either. When my husband and I tried to approach his mother to talk about the situation it ended up in a nasty argument, where my MIL started telling me \";you married my son for money\";, \";i dont care if you die or go hang yourself\";, etc. My husband did not react and when I confronted him he did not take this matter seriously.
I have come to India for 5 weeks to take a break and see if I want to live in such an environment.
What bother's me is my husband's weak personality and the fact that I will have to continue to fight with him about what we want or live a life according to our mother in law's wishes. My MIL is a jelous lady and her ideas are very different to mine. My husband and his parents are coming to India for Christmas and New Year. I personally do not have good instincts about our marriage, because I feel my husband does not care about my emotional well being. ie about my feelings....I also feel my husband is so weak, or playing a game of pleasing his mother on one side and me on the other, in the end achieving nothing. I do not feel we have any closeness and therefore we our relationship is almost at it's end. I am confused as to if I should stay with him or not, but I know that my life with him for the past 3 yrs has been unhappy. I am a carefree person w/out much hang ups in life about people. I also enjoy family visiting (ie mine + hubby's) and enjoy being with people. In the past 3 yrs I have been unhappy and feel as if I am unable to be myself. I dont know if I should leave my husband or not, as I dont think he will ever change. He is only watching out and doing whatever his mother wants. I am 32 yrs and do not have any kids. I am scared of divorce but at the sametime, I cannot live in such a confined environment. It's affecting my emtional and physical health. I am confused about how to handle my situation. Can you help me ? Rajesh replied. Dear Madam,

Divorce is not a solution for your problems. You have to talk to him first, but not in a argue mood. 60% of MIL are in same category. Good idea is that, both of you have to stay in a separate house. So, other family members involvement wont be there in your family matters. What ever you wants to tell, don't show your hot temper in front of other family members. It will be a insult for him and for you. so, better find out a nice time. Ask him for a short vacation, then you both will be free. So, you can open your heart and you have the time to show how much you loves him. Then he will realize it.

Thanks
Rajesh
RS replied. Hi,

After reading your story i feel very sorry for you.First relax yourself and go and talk to him.Tell him that how u feel abt it and tell him that u cannot take it anymore..let's see what happens.I am not an expert to advice but first talk and see ....serious talk....if it doesn't work...chalo leave him..there is no point in living together if you are not happy ..Take care.

RS VirginiaGal replied. I would leave him. I would recapture all that is left of my youth and leave that lopsided house and never come back. You are right. You can't live in that situation forever. Imagine all that you will lose if you do. Losing him does not matter, it will be YOU that will be found.

Are you in the US? Perhaps we can chat on the phone?