Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi,

This is same RS ...wrote a message few days before....My parents and brother and Sil are planning to come here(US) next march...and i asked them to come...today i told my husband abt it.....he got very angry that i shd have asked him before inviting them...I feel very bad...i argued with him....But he got angry and stopped talking to me and he says i am not acting like a wife....to call my parents also i have to check with him before .....i feel very sad abt it....If i do the same thing for his mom he would get angry...but y we people always suffer like this?In this country being on h4 cannot even work....Atleast if we work and make some money ...these guys will shut their mouth and do whatever we ask them to do....My advice to all people who are going to get married in future...Please work before getting married and be independent always...don;t depend on your husband.....I wish i have work permit...:(....I feel like crying....Did i do anything wrong girls?Shd i have to inform my husband before calling my parents?How can i say i will check with my husband and come back to u...if my parents say we r planning to come in march?....cannot even discuss abt this with my brother...I guess i have selected a wrong person and wrong family to live...

Advice girls/
RS RS replied. Hi everyone,

Thank you for your response.I went and spoke to him and he also apologize to me and said he didn't mean to say it ..anyways...we have a weak heart what to do???....will arrange documents for my parents to come here...:-)...

RS

Rajesh Kumar R replied. Dear RS

I would like to tell you that, the main problem between you guys is only miss understanding and egoism.

Without a willingness to compromise and a foundation of mutual trust, a family is severely wounded if not broken.

Do you think if you are a working women, then your family life will be successful Money is not a main factor in family life. For a successful family life
Love is required. Sharing, Caring, Security, Passion, Loyalty, Vision, Compromise, Unity, appreciation etc.. are the main factors of love. Better, you try to talk with him. We human beings mind always fluctuating. Our moods will depend upon it. And due to stress from work, daily activities sometimes our mind is also disturbed.

What you have to do is, better talk to him openly when he is in good mood. Know what he is expecting from you. Don't be in an argue mood. Be calm, listen first then talk.

Don't ever blame on your marriage. Its your responsibility to live you life in better way. If you have the will then you can change a persons attitude. First of all, you have to do is think positively. Be faith on God and yourselves. You have to accept that you are also responsible for the problems which is occurring within you.

I don't know whether you will accept my views. If yes, then I will continue.
Thanks
Rajesh
saheli replied. Just hang in there..
If it makes u feel better then even if a woman works, her condition does'nt improve much. I am an example. I make decent money but at home I have no status that a wife has while I have few friends who are treated as the boss of the house by their husbands and in-laws even if they don't work.
So don't feel that way. I think you need to fight for your rights on your own - work or no work.
Woman carves her own place in the house. If you are naive, docile and weak, people will take advantage.
I think women are weak because they have that fear of the ultimate- DIVORCE in their mind. So they try to adjust. While I don't know if husbands have that fear of getting divorced. That's the kind of psyche that develops in boy and a girl in India.
The onus of saving the marriage is with woman.
I have taken that fear out of my mind after 10 yrs. I don't care so now my husband cares a little...
But u appear to be newly married so can't even tell you to be fearless that way.
You will slowly build the bond and understanding with your husband. It may happen hopefully since ur in-laws are away.
So don't bother what he said. Too bad if he is feeling angry. Let him go through his anger. That's his problem. You stay calm and behave normal. No need to flatter or anything but don't fight either.
Maybe someday when he is in good mood or if his parents are coming, u can pose this question to him that how would he feel if u told him the same.
Just stay calm and try to prepare for ur parents visit.
If u fight, it won't lead to anything. Unfortunately when our parents come, we have to try so hard to please our husbands and even when their parents come, we are the ones pleasing then too.
If you accept the fact that life is unfair, it will be easier for you deal with all the crap that women have to take after marriage.
Been there done it but survived. In life always take care of yourself coz only you are there for yourself.
Take Care and good luck!
Saheli Tony S replied. Dear RS,
No it is not necessary for u to take permission of your husband for your family to come and stay with u. DOnt feel guilty if your husband is trying to give that feeling to u. He will be angry for sometime and gradually be alright - try to take his mind off the subject by making his fav dish or something. because once u do this he will feel he has an option and can order when your family should come etc. So u did the right thing. And dont ever compare your mom with his. That is the worst mistake a girl can make. Also u r right in saying that a woman should not stop working because she got married - i made the same mistake. Anyway now that they have decided to come gear up to make their holiday great and also take advantage of them being with u by searching for a job or doing a course or something. Your mom can take care of the cooking stuff and u can go around to find ways of keeping yourself busy. all the best.