Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi,

Recently, I been through the worst time in my life. Its now two years since we got married. My age is 25 and I work on a good post in a MNC. Well, for last two years, I am facing adjustment problems with my inlaws. My husband is the eldest son and behaves like a slave before his parents. Removes his dad's shoes wn he come back home. My MIL is quite controlling and interfere in our life like hell. I bear all this for first 5-6 months of my married life bt then refuted back. I used to cry before my husband for hours but he only used to tell me that I should ignore or that kya hua agar bado ne kuch bol diy to all these were his pet dialogues all the time. Wn his parents used to shout at me he used to stand quite and always saying sorry sorry sorry 100 times. Even used to make me say sorry to them too.

I loved my husband very much and am totally devoted to him like an Indian wife. But to my shock wn his parents blamed me with lies before my parents he didn't say a word of support to me. I couldn't take it as he was the only person who knew all and have been saying that I know my parents are wrong. Later on he said give me another chance a I will prove myself and will make my parents understand. I gave him another chance.

I lived in a illusion that he is changing but recently, I had a very bad fight with my MIL FIL and I forced my husband to get separated from them. He agreed though unwillingly as he was not suffering at all. His parents were nice to him and he used to pretend being very nice but helpless before me.

But wn his parents saw that I stopped eating food and forcing my husband to take another home, they privately called my parents and asked them to take me to their home. Wn I got to know this I told this to all their relatives and they all came to our house.

To my bad luck, his mom blamed so many lies on me that my blood gets boiled wn I remember them but this time too my husband sat silently and his mom dad keep on blaming me. I didn't blame anyone just replied to all the blames they put me. Even I touched everyone feet and stood in front of my husband with folded hands so tell everyone what is the truth but he maintained silence and saw all my suffering. There was no one in that room to help me.

Those influential relatives of my in-laws did counseling of everyone including my MIL FIL and me. And asked all of us to live peaceful and love each other. They pressurized me to forget everything from the past and start behaving normally.

I started doing this now my inlaws are pretending to be normal too with me but I am quite upset with my husband. He came to me as if he has done nothing wrong and totally flawless. But I can't take it anymore from him. He betrayed me. I got married to him thinking htat he will be the man who will be with me wn everyone else will leave me and was extremely loving and devoted to him all these years but he didn't even realize what he did and has no guilt.

Now he has also started behaving normally to me but even after trying hard am not able to forgive him.

He even today pretend to love me and talk abt planning kids with me but I have so many questions in my mind. I fought with him and repeated all those things he told or maintained silence at but STILL HE MAINTAINED SILENCE. He wants me to forgot everything and behave normally with him and allow him coming close to me. But wnever he comes close to me all that what he has done and saw my suffering like all others just comes into my mind and I tell him all that how he behaved.

He says he maintained silence as he didn't want to take anyone's side but he maintained silence wn his mom was saying all lies even then he kept mum. How could I trust such a man. Love such a man.

My husband has no friends he is totally mumma boy. What should I do. I have given all my hope that he will grow into a mature man one day and support me and take care of me like MAN.

Please help what should I do
samaj replied. hi vandana!!
i felt very sad after reading your mail ...you see this is the typical case of our indian society ....beleive me ..almost all the ladies go under go such preasure...
i have sincere advise to you !!! why dont you try be more positive ....taking you husband from his parents wont help you much ...instead its going to create more problems ..one day he is going to blame you for keeping him away from his parents..
its always better to solve the issues...then building it on !! iam sure there wil eb some good points in your inlaws try to amke them understand!!! rather than telling your husband!!
beleive in god!!!!!!!!! and please dont mess up your life .your tensions an dfrustartions is going to ruin your health !!! my dear!!!!!!!!!1 sonu replied. hi vandana,

see its right what he has done is not right but its not wrong either.just be in his shoes n think dear.as u r saying he always keep mum n never says anything to his parents what does it means he should fight with them.no my dear atleast he knows n realise that his parents are wrong.u know there are so many husbands who never take their parents wrong.

Its only u r in anger u r feeling all sorts of disaggreements with ur husband.Nothing is wrong just u have to behave tactfully infront ur inlaws thats it.do whatever they wish for.no matter u dont like it.just do it.what wrong in doin anything.if u cant gain anything u r not losing either.

i think ur husband is not wrong.2 families are not equal.dont expect anythg from any relations.not even ur husband.u do ur work rightfully.

n remeber vandana forcing someone to do something never work out.if u show more love n affection towards ur husband so he might change also.never indulge in an argument with ur inlaws.because no one wins an argument.another thing dont give anyone chance to blame u.so do what they wan for few days n see how life changes.

everything is fine yaar atleast ur darling husband is with u.remeber he is with u alwys.dont think negative .DO UR GOOD KARMA FOR U N UR BABIES.(FUTURE BABIES)

best of luck
sonu