Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

I have not gotten along very well with my MIL. I think she is overbearing and dominating. She has said many things to me that were not nice. I tell my husband these things and he agrees that she should say such things, but I do not think he really understand how hard it is to deal her and her comments. And because I do not feel he understand or supports me I constantly fight with him.
How can I make him understand how his mother is? How can I make him side with me for once Leena replied. Simply ignore ur MIL OUT of ur life. You know that hubby doesnt budge if u tell him nasty things. Dont tell him ANYTHING abt his mom even if she's dominating etc. Just turn a deaf ear and COMPLETELY ignore her like u wud do for a crazy stranger. Ur husband will definitely note ur change in attitude that u dont care AT ALL for his parents if they act smart. Also dont talk any bad abt them to him. Act normal with him. He will 'notice' when u start ignoring them. No matter what ur MIL talks on phone or to ur parents continue this for 6 months. I can bet things will get better. I have done this for few yrs (and even now) when my MIL was acting too smart with me. Now she thinks twice before she opens her mouth. If you talk too much you are spilling out too many beans but silence is very powerful. We think by telling hubby HOW angry/frustrated we are they will see our point. BUT now in my 7 yrs of marraige I hv realised that only stubborn silence can solve many problems. Silence doesnt mean you 'nod' to evrything. But its the denial to take crap and continue doing what pleases you. I hope u get the point. Info. replied. Ladies are the enemy of other lady especially. I do not know what I will be writing but I am very upset when I am writing this. My MIL has come from India to stay with us for some times. I stayed with her in India not more then 2 months. here my problem has started. I am bit strict with my 6 year old daughter. Now whenever I say something strongly MIL does not like it, she has stopped talking to me. I am working and doing Postgraduate study fulltime. Now because mother is not talking to me, my husband has also became quite. Not from now, since she has come most of the times he talks to her. From the bigenning both used to ignore me. I am studing full time at the university and working as well, but it is so painful to find myself alone and ignored so might be that was the reason I shouted at my daughter for sometimes and MIL was angry and stopped talking to me. Husband started threatning me for divorce. I have no guts for that I have two beautiful kids. Now husband keeps quite, I feel like begging from him even to talk. He says if mother is happy then only I will be happy. What to do I am really missing my happy days. friend replied. I find that if things start getting nasty it helps if you change the subject.
Seeing as you are still on your \";honeymoon Period\"; ie before kids arrive you should try to get involved in things together. Such as hobbies etc,
Sometimes its best to 'let go' of smaller issues and only fight for the more important ones.
Take Care & all the best friend replied. It is next to impossible to get husbands to \";take your side\";, but what you should do is communicate to him regularly whatever she says to you be it good or bad.

I've been married for 8 years and we live in a nuclear fimily and I still feel he doesen't side with me BUT things hve been improving since I have shown him the good and the bad sides both.
Please dont argue with him as it does not solve anything and tell me does it have any affect on your mil? NO!!!!
This hinders YOUR relationship with your husband. Tell him you are tired of fighting and he should learn to decide for himself what is true and what is not.
How long have you been married and any kids?
Let me know if this helps Hosai replied. All praise be to our Creator who created us and gave us everything we have. All glory be to God who will never burden us with more than we can bear, and who gives us relief after every struggle. I read your email, and my heart goes out to you. I know what you are going through, and believe me, I understand. My husband and I are also looking to go stay with them at the present due to financial difficulties, and believe me, I wish we did not have to. Sometimes, it makes you sad just thinking about it, why some inlaws have to be so cold and rejecting, you know? If by God's will, they just change the condition of their heart and be more accepting and kind, the world would be a better place. It would be for the good of everyone, for me, for you, and for the inlaws themselves. Everyone would be happier and get along better if only they would change their feelings, just switch the conditon of their hearts, just like that, \";click\"; and things would be so much better. But only God can change their heart, and all we can do is just pray for that and be patient. I came on this website not knowing what to expect, not knowing what was out there and if anyone understood what I was going through as a daughter-in-whatever-you-call-it-I-hate-and don't use the word.Most of my friends 99 and 1/2% of the few friends I have all have wonderful inlaws and it kills me that mine have to be so aweful, and it makes you feel terrible, and so alone like no one understands. I had no idea REAL PEOPLE are going through REAL CRISIS like me, and you with struggling with living with the inlaws. It feels better to know people are out there who understand you and feel your pain. It makes the burden of carrying all that grief and pain with you feel lighter. I just wish I knew a friend in my locality that could relate versus the web, that would so great. But all praise be to God for everything I have already, and we all have. Anyway,I have not moved in yet with my inlaws, but we are seriously considering to do so real soon. If God wills, it will no more than two years. But if we'll move out if we really really can't stand it. One thing I have learned in all this, is that it's all in God's hands, all of this, and the best thing is to be patient, pray that it gets better, pray for patience to sustain you, and just not LOOK FORWARD TO MAKING PEACE AND NOT HOPE SO MUCH. Hope hurts cause it lets you down a lot. And for some reason, the inlaws are \";strong\"; and they can forbear the meanness on their parts, and do it wish a passion, without feeling any guilt or remorse, and if we accept their nature, that it is in them, to be this hard and tough on loving than maybe by God's will we can understand our ownselves better. Since mother-in-laws seem to have it so easy, always having their way, and making you feel so puny, then o well. Let them and forget them, and LET GO. Don't expect any change, and just accept their physical presence but don't attach your heart and your mind and your soul to them at all, so you don't get let down and hurt when something bad happens. That is what I have learned. To let go, and sadly...make your heart hard towards them so the hurt does not saturate your entire heart. Just live with them for your own benifit for God's sake, and don't personally attribute anything to them. -- Anyway, I know this is not easy, and everyone's situation is different. But I am just expressing some sincere advice, and letting off some of my own grief. I hope this message affects someone in a positive note if God wills. Also if anyone lives in the Virginia area email me, it would be so nice to have a support group or a bunch of girls who could get together once in a while or ALL THE TIME cause you know sometimes you just need it, and just vent all this stuff out.

All this has taught me to really on God, and really, only God can change any of this. God has control over our lives, and our inlaws, and God created them like God created us, and God can destroy them anytime. This is not the end of the line, life does go on, even if it goes on painfully, it moves on.

Personally, I think the best kind of husband to have is the God-fearing kind. That way he will never disobey you to obey his parents, he will never do you INJUSTICE while giving them justice, cause this is not the way of God and God would not be pleased with this. What makes my situation different is basically that. That my husband fears God, and he acts and lives only for God's sake, and God's laws are the most JUST so everyone gets the benifit, even the inlaws, without making you feel trapped or bothered, or stepped on. I wish your husband was like that, because then you would not feel like he was more siding with them over you, and ready to do anything for them, while it's killing you. When you do things for God's sake, when your are strong that, no one gets hurt, so long as you accept God's will, and rules. It's much better this way, than just doing as you feel and wish is right. You can't trust your heart, and God always knows better.

I am really sorry you are going through this, and hope God guides you both. I don't wanna live with my inlaws at all, but sometimes you have no choice. But I always remember that God will never put me through something I can't handle, and with every struggle, comes relief.

So hold on. We all are. You're not alone. God-willingly you will pull through. Many daughter-in-laws in the past have pulled through, and God-willingly you will do. This road is meant to be taken, and meant to be beaten God-willingly. And remember this life is not forever. It is not the end of the road. And none of this drama will mean anything at the end. So stay focused, and don't give up.



May God guide us, and give us relief soon.

my email is
muslim AT wapda DOT com