Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

I have been married for 3 years now. I have read thru all the postings regarding problems with in-laws. So I wanted to share with you my own entire story. Ours was an arranged marriage in India. Before the wedding my in-laws appeared to like me very much. They were so nice to me and my family also.

Event #1: Our custom is that the day after reception the bride's father goes to the groom's father and asks to bring the new couple to their home. But when my father did his duty, he was told by my FIL that he need not be so formal and if he was so formal then they would feel offended and that my husband would take me to my parent's house by himself. My husband took me to my parent's house promising that he will stay there for a day and comeback together. However he went to work and instead of coming back he told me over phone that he has been asked by my in-laws to not go to my place and they also publicly blamed my father of not doing his customary duty. My husband told me that if my father did not take me to his home he would go to the US (his work place) without me. My father had to loose face and take me to his home finally.

Event #2: My MIL did not feed me properly while I was in India.

Event #3: I have a relative who has a bad habit of souring relationships between different relatives within our family. I had warned my MIL and SIL about that person. When I went to US with my husband, they took that chance to make friendship with that relative.

Event #4: Once I had a low blood pressure problem, my SIL's husband told me that I had many diseases and my father had hidden the fact before marriage.

Event #5: After we returned to India I noticed that whenever my parents tried to visit me, my in-laws were very upset about it, it became apparent from their reactions. Also they blamed that me and my family has snatched their son from them.
Event #6: When my relatives went over to my in-laws and gave them gifts. They interpreted this as business deal and were very offended. They even criticized me telling that I was to blame for all this. They acted as if they hate my relatives.

Event #7: My MIL was angry when I conceived 8 months after marriage and also criticized me for not using contraceptives. My SIL was happy in the beginning but later behaved in the same way as MIL. My MIL even made scenes in front of visiting relatives for this reason.

Event #8: My husband and in-laws decided without even consulting me and my family that I will be staying at my in-laws without my husband (my husband works someplace else) during my pregnancy. I protested and husband decided that I will stay at my parent's place for few days, which caused my in-laws to be more upset and again cursed my father for this in front of me. My husband did not protest and agreed with them.

Event #9: After some days I went to where my husband worked with my in-laws, they went to stay with us. During this period they tortured me mentally in various manners including verbal abuse. They acted nice in-front of my husband.

Event #10: I had noticed that they took money from my husband on various occasions and reasons. They even took money to buy fruits for me regularly. They also fed me pineapple (sometimes) and papaya (a lot many time) which are supposed to be bad during pregnancy and may cause abortion. I did not know that. But later I realized from something MIL said that they knew this fact beforehand, and I understand that it was their plan to abort my pregnancy. Also I had some complications possibly due to that and they blamed me that I was not fit to conceive. This was the saddest part of all. When my husband questioned them regarding this, they said that they did it because I did not want the baby.

Event #11: They also said that my SIL had a son so they would like a grand-daughter. But when I had a girl my SIL said I was unlucky. However they are quite well educated.

I am not keeping any touch with my in-laws lately. But even now when my husband speaks to them they criticize me and my parent no matter what.

I want to have good relations with my in-laws. Please advise if you have any suggestions. My husband is very cooperative so please advise me accordingly. sonu replied. hi,

u said they dint feed u,dont depend on them for food.u go in kitchen n make for u anything n eat.if they say let them say.its only for ur health perpose u have to eat.

about money tell ur husband to give all expenses money to u so u can run accordingly.u have to act to smart in this matter.show ur husband that u are better than ur MIL to run ur house.show him dont tell him.

develop a great bond with ur husband that whatever he do he asks u before he does.

take care
sonu sonu replied. hi gouri,

in arrange marriages it take time.but its absolutely ridiculous n cunningness how ur inlaws r behaving.dear i will only suggest u to tackle this people tactfully.u knw ur husband is good.try to take him in confidence and love him more then his parents.do whatever he says never question him.be very tactfull while handling husband who is also a mama's boy.make him try to believe u .if they act before ur husband n good to him n bad to u behind him u also act same thing.u also be very good to them in front of ur husband.

n u said they are always blaming ur parents n u right.y r u thinking about all this so much let them say whatever they want.if u n ur family is by saying all this foul it is not goin to change.Y r u trying to changing such people who is not goin to change for us.so let them be happy by harrassing us.u just be independent at house n dont depent on ur inlaws.if u think u will force them to behave good to u its absolutely impossible.i had tried this for 4 yrs.but now i had left thinking about everything of such worthless people n just focusing on my 18 mth old daughter.

best of luck
take care
sonu