Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

I have been married for 6 months. My in-laws organized the wedding in India since I live with my parents in US. When it came time for my parents to pay them for the wedding venue and the catering, they charged my parents twice the original amount. My parents are blindly trusted my in-laws and gave them whatever amount they asked for. But my in-laws took advantage of our trust. They did not even buy bridal outfits for me which I was supposed to get from them in my marriage. Now, when I confronted my hubby about his family's greedy actions, he and his parents blame my family for everything. I used to respect him and his family like my own. But, now I have lost trust in my husband because he lies to defend his family. I'm very sad that my marriage was turned into a business profit by his family. I feel soo unlucky to have been married into a greedy, cheap family.
My husband is still in India..waiting for his US spouse visa to be issued. I'm not sure, that I trust him enough to sponser him to the US because what his family did with us, he can do that with me when he comes here.
Please help me, am I feeling the wrong way about him? Divya replied. Thanx for the advice Mitra, my relations with my hubby and in-laws are already gone sour. mitra replied. hi divya
i am a married woman, its been 6 yrs for my marriage and have a daughter. Belong to a well-educated family and i am a woking person. Our MIL stays with us and I too have passed through situations where i faced troubles because of her behavior. And thats an ongoing process.

this is a longer mail, but please go thru it. A woman can best help a woman.

I would say, every 7 days the peace in my house gets disturbed - and very clearly, u know who disturbs it.

As this is happening since a long time , i always used to get distressed and disturbed by this. Thankfully, my relationship with my hubby has become very strong in this long time and he understands me very well and supports me silently.

However, none of us speaks against the MIL. We are just tolerating her as she is.

What I want to suggest you is something that i have tried and worked for me.

You are married for 6 months.. i am married for 6 years. Obviously, number of such situations faced by me must be more than yours.

What i hv learnt is that such things will always happen. There is no end to it till the relationships exist. AND THE ONLY PERSON WHO GETS TROUBLED AND DEPRESSED IS THE GIRL.

Just define clear lines for yourself and always look at the big picture.

For me - i have defined the limits of my EGO.

First of all, win your husband. List down his likes and dislikes and behave accordingly. Never question him. Learn and apply good tricks in bed. Never speak against in-laws to him. If you happen to visit/talk to any of his relatives, go back to him and say how nice people they are.

If troubles with in-laws are on financial grounds, i ignore it. Money is materialistic and both of us earn very well. I know how much financial loss should hurt me, so for little more than bearable issues, i just ignore the matter. In your case, the amount is huge i agree, still money is materialistic. See if you can let go the matter -- money will come back -- but if the foundation of relationships with inlaws & hubby is spoiled at this stage, it will be bitter always.

If its regarding her complaints on my behavoir - i still ignore her. On the bad side, this adds to her impression that i am not a good person - but who cares.

If she complains about food or any such materialistic things - i ignore again. Most times, i do as she says, and dont let my EGO come up. I cook as she likes though i may not like it.

in short, think that they are kids and u r a mature person so u know how to behave.

You know what, mine is an intercaste marriage so cultural differences are a lot.

My daughter - 3 yr old daughter is with her when i am in office. We have a full time servant so my MIL doesnt even have to put her feet on ground. But at the end of the day - i have an elder person looking after my kid.
what i mean is - look at the positive side.

the only place where i speak against her is - when she talks about my family or parents. The moment she has blamed my behavior to my parents or my culture, i ask her to watch her tongue and i say that i can list out such 100 things that are not right in her family or culture - and say that we have to live together so accept me as i am.

in 6 months of marriage, its too early to judge a hubby. he has been living with them for years, obviously he will be more inclined towards them. Do u love ur hubby? do u want to spend ur life with him? then think about it and place the strategy accordingly.

Suggestion is mine. Decision should be yours.

a friend.