Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hello Friends,
I am married girl(24 yrs) with a 2 yr old son. I am very depressed, alone and sad bcoz my married life is worst, totally disturbed.I and my husband r living separately from past 1 1/2 yr. Although we had a love come arrange marriage. On marriage day both families( his parents and my parents) fought like old enemies. According to my in-laws my 'Barat' arrangement was not upto their standard. Somehow marriage took place and i left for another state i.e. jalandhar from Delhi. Right from Day one my in-laws kept hatred in their mind.
Initially my hubby was spportive and loved me. Then we move to Hyd,where my husband use to work.My SIL also lives at Hyd. At Hyd, Within one week i Realized the fact that my husband is not working in any company, infact he was based on two persons from punjab for some consultancy business and and had not recieved salary from past 6 months. He hided this fact from me and my parents. Bfore marriage his parents completely duped my parents about his financial status.I was ditched.
The biggest mistake from my side that i relied on him blindly. Since he was my choice by mistake i decided not to tell about his financial position to my parents. He and his jija(SIL) were under severe financial dbts. He cried in front of me, being an emotional girl i was not able to leave him at that stage and started working there, He also took some job. Since I am much more educated to my husband and a Was working in good company in Delhi, i got a job soon ( not as good as in delhi). But to survive i started working after 15 days of my marriage. wE hired a rented accomodation and life started moving gradually.
I was tensed but was satisfied since my man was very good and supportive to me. But my in-laws continued hating my parents,
I become pregnant after 8 mnths of my marriage, I come to my in-laws place (jal) and then Delhi for some function, he also visited delhi for few hours and then moved back to jal. While i was in Delhi and he was in Jal. my in-laws especially myb MIL. washed his brain completely. Her fought with me while returning back to jalandhar, Since then he tortured me nadly often mentally sometimes physically also during my pregnancy stage, I begged him for his support bcoz his behaviour was shocking. Perhaps My husband knows that i love him madly therefore he took every advantage for it.
I was not authorized to make and recieve phone calls from my parents. My hubby told me to choose either him or my parents. During that difficult stage, i use to cry a lot alone at hyd, use to go office by changing 2 buses, my office friends were supportive emotionally. Bfore marriage he was my friend and after marriage he was just a typical indian husband. My sister -in-law was aware of our tensed married life. During this Period my parents visited my in-laws at Jalandhar to settle all issues and to maintian harmony on my first 'Karva Chauth' . But to worst my in-laws insulted them badly they had to return embarresed. As a result my hubby shouted on me , drank and behave badly. During advance stage of my pregnancy, i got an opportunity to visit my parents in delhi due to my cousin brothers mariage, he tried to stop me providing financial reasons but i managed it somehow through my salary. I wanted some change from stressfull life. On mariage day my husband fought with me badly and insulted me in front of many people and threatened me, my parents decided not to send me back and i delivered in Delhi. Till my delivery my husband mental torture with me continued. i was blessed with a son and was happy. My husband said sorry and took me along with him to JAlandhar. I thought he won't behave bad with me for the sake of child, Ironically he treated me like his servant at in-laws place due to encouragement from my in-laws. When i complainted about his prev. behavoiour my MIL supported her SOn not me. They started giving me lectures about a " good indian Bahu, Aurat's ke kayi roop ,Pati devtaa hai and tradiitonal values". My hus. took all my money and left for hyd leaving me pennyless on the mercy of my in-laws.Since i had no money therefore no communication with my parents. My in-laws told him to be strict with me otherwise i'll sit on his head. I was doing MSc.(IT) at that time, they all stopped me from studies, job. Acc. to them if i'll complete it , i'll be dominating. My life was hell at hyd, just a servant. My Jethani, SIL, FIL everybody was like my boss. I requested my FIL to allow me to go to hyd so that i can handle my house at hyd. Fianlly they allowed me to move to hyd with a assurance that i won't do a job. i took some money from my parnes at delhi station secretly.At hyd. i was slave in my own home, even My mobile no. was not distributed to any of my family members in Delhi.
I requested my hus. to allow me to complete my studies, only resit was to be fill. But he denied completely. I prepared day and night without telling him but on exam day he come to now and fought with me. He said if u want to give exam u have to sign on divorce papers. I called my SIL and after there intervention, i reached my exam centre. I thought of killing myself several times but my inncent son's face stopped me for doing this.After 3 months of my stay in hyd,My uncle expired and i managed to come to delhi. I travelled alone with my 4 mnths son for 26 hours.Since then i am reciding in my parents home.
My husband also moved to Jal from Hyd and staying there since then.
I kept Quiet with a hope that one day he'll need me. I told him very clearly that this time i'll not return to hyd or jal at any cost.
Then he filled conjunal rights case against me.
My lawyer called him several times for compromise but they didn't responded. My lawyer advised me to file FIR against them in CAW Cell. Finding no other way i was complelled to do this.I thought this is the only way for reconcillation, Meanwhile i got a good job in an MNC in Gurgoan. In court also he agreed to stay in gurgoan along with me ,provided i'll withdraw my complaint and arrange for the livelyhood.I agreed on aranging as much i can and also supporting him firmly.I have even paid an advance rent for a home and a cretch.
i was not able to focus on my job due to trials, i withdrawed my complaint. Moments after it my in-laws and husband fought with me and my parents (hot verbAL EXCHANGE). On that day I realized the fact that he does not love me at all. He just wants to get rid of me and to snatch my son.
He is living a bachlor life after spoiling my entire life. At this age i have seen all up's and down of life. I am really afraid of my son's future, not bcoz of financial prob. But bcoz i want his father to be with him . I too love in deep core of my heart. But unable to tolerate injustice. I don't have any sister or a friend with whom i can take advice, He has never fulfilled him commitment, First of all i am not sure of him arrival in gurgoan and if he comes then it could be his another game, very afraid and depressed.It's really painfull to think about divorce.
In gr8 dilemma. My entire family is very tense. How can a man be cruel and emotionaless with his wife(lover) and kid.Why i haven't got love for love? Are all troubles meant for women only?
I have lost my decision power.
Thanks 4 sparing time 2 read my story.What should i do???? Waiting 4 ur reply and help.
In Tears,
Neetu hh replied. Dear Neetu,
Your son will become an abusive person in future if you let him live with an abusive father. It is not worth it. You say you are financially independent. Good, never leave your job. I once did that mistake. Never take abuse from anyone. Marriage is not everything for a soul, the journey is to reach God. During the journey, we tend to come across obstacles, liberate, rise and wi. Being alone is ofcourse so lonely. Have faith in God and He will give you courage. But leave someone who abuses you. Take your son away from him in any case.

friend Dimple replied. Hi Neetu,
I understand position. I too have been mistreated by my husband and in-laws. You have to think practically and then make a firm decision. Life is not fun when you are in a unhealthy, abusive relationship where you can't trust your husband. These days people think you're foolish if you keep acting emotionally. So be Practical and leave this bad situation. You are an independant woman. You don't need to take crap from anybody. Just focus on youself and your career. I hope you will be happy in future:)

Take Care of yourself & your kid:)
Neetu replied. Dear ALL,
Thanks for ur warm support. It has really opened ways for me. Yes it very true that love is not everything. In my case court's decision has come and 4 the very last time i am trying to settle my home once again. He agreed to live in gugoan with me and son.
This time i am quite sure of my self, at least i'll live my life my way. I am not expecting anything from him, therefore no dissapointments. If he'll move away this time also or tried to spoil the environment i'll never allow him to re-enter my life.
I know this is a big risk.
One thing i want to ensure u all that after ur support i have regained my confidence and i'll not compromise,or tolerate injustice, no matter he lives with me or not.
Pray from god to be financialy independent always so taht i can take care of me and my son.
I'll tell u time to time how much could i be successfull in
my last effort. Keep giving me suggestion as i'll need u all always.
Thanks once again.

Neetu. Tony S replied. Aorry to hear about your story neetu. i was also almost in tears to read it. but u r a brave woman and u r lucky to have your parents by your side. i understand u feel your sons father should be with him. but imagine if your husband tortures u all your life and your son sees it he will also not respect u when he grows up. imagine what kind of a person he wil;l turn into. gather your courage my dear friend , take a divorce as soon as possible. and at any cost keep your sons custody with u. sorry to tell u this but u will have to become less emotional about the love for your husband - this might devastate u from inside but u have got to keep going foryour sake, sons sake and your parents sake. Be strong. all the best aditi replied. dear sis marriage is not all love but it means more--respect,space,trust...
clinging to someone who is irresponsible,jealous,insecure disrespectful will lead you nowhere Do you want ure child to pick these good qualities toojust become independant financially as well as emotionally b4 ure sef confidence gets shattered hu replied. there is much more in life than a husband, if ur husband stays with u and treats u like his slave then definitely ur son will feel bad and that would be even more worst then not having his father along with him.... dont worry... u r still very young.... u might meet someone who really loves u ,,, this is not the end of the world... just think this was some bad dream and move on....... gargi replied. dear neetu
its really sad to read ure story.You are an educated & independant young girl dont let anybody treat you like this esp when you know that he doesn't love you.You deserve respect & so does ure child need a loving warm environment So dont put both ure child & ure future at stake Now dont get ruled by heart once again use ure MIND Nadia replied. It is sad that at this age you have to deal with so much. But you have to be strong and move on. The first thing is you have to decide if you want to be with him and if he loves you or not. If the answer is No then no matter how painful it is you have to go on with your life with out him. You cannot put yourself and your son through this. You don't deserve to be treated like this. If you want to be with him then you will just have to learn to be stronger and put your foot down. Stand up for yourself. You are a smart and educated woman. You can take care of yourself.