Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

dear friends,
i am a dil who faced lots of problems because my parents could not fulfill the financial expectations of my inlaws. the problems grew big. at one point i answered back and the relationship between myself and my inlaws was completely cut. when i was pregnant, nobody even bothered to call me even over the phone being in the same town. when my preg was complicated, even then there was no calls from my inlaws. my husband was doing his higher studies. so he used to come once in a month to meet me at my parents house. when i delivered a v.v.small baby, my mil came to see me after 6 days that is when my child became stable and when there was some hope for his survival. myself and my parents spent more than 2 lakhs to save him. we did not expect any financial help from them. but they played no part even through mechanical help to bring him up.now myself, my hubby and my child have shifted to a different city. when ever my in laws come, i get hurt. for eg. she had brought my brother in laws son[her grandson] with her to our house she made chicken soup. she was feeding the soup to my bil's son. when myself and my son went near them, she qickly hid the soup under the dining table. this looked so cheap. this is my family situation. i have to mention one important thing. she is bad to me but she is sweet and honey to all our neighbours and friends.now u might be having a fair idea about my family and my condition in the family.now i will come to my problem. around 3 days back a female who was my husband's collegemate had come to my house. she had good relationship with my inlaws also.but i have seen and spoken to her not more than 3 times. she asked me why i was not keeping my in laws with me to take care of my child. i told her that i prefer to stay alone and not in a joint family as i can not go on explainng my problems and about my inlaws to everyone. u should have seen the way she reacted to my comment. she said that my in laws are such nice people and that iam seperating their son from them and they can take better care of my son than me and that its not good for me unless i change the attitude and she went on and on. my husband was listening to all this but said nothing. at this point i should mention one more thing that my in laws servant maid behaved the same way earlier to me in front of my husband. he showed no reaction. when i asked him y he was silent when she insulted me. he said \";just dont bother about what they say\";. this time when i asked him y he was silent. he said the same thing and he also said that he did not listen to any of the conversation that myself and his friend had, though he was sitting infront of us. its quite common that inlaws usually dominate the daughter in laws though its not right. but how can i tolerate his friends dominating me. [servant's issue is an old matter. i gave properly to my husband for that.] now what should i do if his friend interferes again in my family matters. what should i do if she stimulates my mil more to create problems? please advice. i have not slept properly for 3 days because of this. Dimple replied. I have been married for 6 months. My in-laws organized the wedding in India since I live with my parents in US. When it came time for my parents to pay them for the wedding venue and the catering, they charged my parents twice the original amount. My parents are bley indly trusted my in-laws and gave them whatever they asked for. But my in-laws took advantage of our trust. ey did not even buy bridal outfits for me which I was supposed to get from them in my marriage. Now, when I confronted my hubby about his family's greedy actions, he and his parents blame my family for everything.
I used to respect him and his family like my own. But, now I have lost trust in my husband because he lies to defend his family. I'm very sad that my marriage was turned into a business profit by his family. I feel soo unlucky to have been married into a greedy, cheap family.

My husband is still in India..waiting for his USA spouse visa to be issued. I'm not sure, that I trust him enough to sponser him to the US because what his family did with us, he can do that with me when he comes here.
Please help me, am I feeling the wrong way about him? leaf replied. wellwisher gave you the correct advice.

the next time the stupid friend opens her mouth, just ask her plain and simple that why does she interfere in your household matter? if she is such a goddess herself then she should know that it is not right. and tell her if you are such a good devi then she should keep your inlaws at her house!

who is she to ask you to change your attitude? just ask her 'what is your relation to me? by what right are you asking me to change myself? will you change yourself if i ask you to?'

another thing, dont expect your husband to stand up for you. if he never did in the past)even in your pregnancy) then you must know by now that he will not now.

best of luck
keep us updated well wisher replied. That no good idiot. People know nothing about life and people and start meddling in other people's lives. Next time she opens her mouth just lay it in front of her, that just becoz my husband and I are quiet doesnt mean that we have to take your nonsense. You are in our house hence we cant disrespect you but live some life, know some people and then come talk to me.
This way you will include your husband even if he doesnt want to in a nice way, he will have no other option but to support you.
Men are such creatures, they dont want to look bad in front of strangers always knowing that they can cover their wives well. This is the same guy who let his parents torcher your parents over money so you cant expect anything from him.
As for your mil,just tell her that if you are in our house pl. dont hide stuff from us, it is ok if you dont care about my child atleast dont show it to my child that you dont care about him.
Always learn to leave the room after saying something to avoid confrontation. And say in a good tone. But always keep voice straight,strict and serious.
Be fair in life, truthfull and honest. God is watching and will be fair to you.
Start talking to your husband about his parents being unfair and how he is unsupportive and yet you love him but dont respect him etc. Always be good to him as he is your lifepartner, but include your parents more and say to your hubby that they are the ones who care about his child etc. Be strong girl. Take care. vinnie replied. whoever says or interferes just say the following
i have a very bad habit u c, if i dont say anything wrong to anyone then i dont listen to anything wrong also.so kindly stay out of my business and mind ur own.my husband is there to tell me what is right or not, i dont need any third party to listen or follow, so if u dont have something good to say , kindly leave and hey dont mind on what i say because i m a very straight forward person. thats the way i am and u r a guest and stay as a guest and leave.

just say this and look at the reaction