Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

hi there,

i have a problem.actually my inlaws are coming to my home for the first time on the event of my son's birth.
im in US right now n will reach india in coming months so they will come to stay with us for i donno yet how many days.
im kinda confused regarding the how to do and what do to things when my in laws come down.
what should a DIL generally expect from their in laws when they come down to stay??whether i can expect a little help in household work from my MIL...do they help us or they just expect us to do everything?
i have only talked to my in laws on phone and she seems to be ok type...not too sweet neither is she so mean.
i hope u understand what im trying to ask you'll.

hope you will put some light on this topic.thanks.take care. Guddy replied. Hi,
From my experience, it is better not to let her to kitchen works. Guys generally think that cooking is a heavy work at home (I feel it is the most easy thing compared to ironing, house cleaning, dishwashing etc). Your in-law might end up boasting so much that your husband may think that she works hard and you do nothing. I prefer to say, hold your rights, if they volunteer to offer help, you decide what to do, like if they offer to cook dinner, you decide what to cook and let them know. Or if they decide to go shopping, you decide what to buy for house (what to buy for them is their choice of course). you keep the control of the house (and your kid if any), otherwise slowly slowly you will be a third person in your house with only self-pity left out. I am sound too suspicious, but it is out of my experience. Some things cannot be recovered later, so better be precatious. ILs in general, as a rule of thumb try to dominate. We should not be carried away by their tricks to take over the control.

Also, let your husband know in a polite tone of what arrangements you are making for your inlaws like which room , what facilities, etc, and after their visit also, keep him informed of events happening in your house in a cool way (you may be really cool, or emotional or hurt, still try to convey him in a cool way).

All the best, and have a great time. prumessence replied. Rather than worrying about how your inlaws will be, make your husband your ally. Tell him frankly that you are nervous. How will his parents be. Tell him that you want them to have a good time, but you dont want them to misunderstand you.
Whatever he says(my mom will help with kitchen, dad will take care of kid etc) can be like a measuring standard for you.
If they are good then good, but if they are nasty then atleast you can ask your husband & there will be this discussion which will be as reference point.
Dont go overboard at first so that if things arent to your liking then you havent committed too much. Keep work to a medium level and show them things around how they work so that you dont have to spoon feed things to them.
Let your husband be the person to show around the ropes more so that you can excuse yourself with kid.
And again i stress, make your husband your ally & show it to him that you mean well, want to be helpful to them and ask for his guidance. Good luck.