Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

I am from a progressive Indian family background, which encourages girls to go out and work. I have sisters and cousins doing very well in all different career options. I have also got a decent job, which pays me well. It has immense potential for growth and I am happy in it. My husband also encourages me. However, my in-laws are a different story all together. They are a very very regressive community. The women in their families cover their heads in front of the men. They don't call their husbands by name. Girls are not encouraged to work. They are all expected to become house-wives and bear babies, especially baby boys, you know what I mean. Ours is a love marriage. We stay away from my in-laws as we are in a different city. But their interference has not ceased. They have constantly criticized me. Before our wedding, they told my husband stuff like she will not even ask you for water etc.etc
They were not happy with the way the wedding happened. My father spent a lot of money but we did not exchange any gifts etc. They felt very offended on the wedding day as they thought being the boy's side they shd have got more attention. Now that I think is totally egoistical. My father in law screamed at my husband in public saying stuff like, you are not my son anymore and stuff, my husband was quite upset but did not retaliate.
My MIL tells me to not take my husbands name. They want me to wear saris. They want me to cook myself, which I hate doing. We have a maid who has been with me for a long time, from before marriage. All this when they don't stay with us. I worry constantly if they decide to come stay with us. I have expressed my concern to my husband many times, but he brushes it off saying we'll think abt it if and when the time comes.
We have visitors often for diner and they love the food. However, my in-laws, if ever invited always crib about the food in our house. They always try to put me down saying that I don't know anything. My husband is happy with us together and the way things are between us. Some days are average but most days are good. We treat each other like mature independent adults. But my in-laws criticize me constantly. Infact my husband's ten-year-old niece was also telling me that my in-laws were criticizing me. I can't imagine what sort of people would talk bad in front of children. I told her not to say such things. Anyway, yday my FIL was over and he says, do you think it is worth sacrificing your family life for a little salary like you get, that was really putting off, as I get paid quite well, almost as much as his son-in-law!!!
I hate my in-laws but I feel guilty sometimes whether I am being selfish. Can anyone please advice me?
Life replied. To all suffering girls,

Know one thing, the first and the last person you should be caring about is yourself and yourself. Because, if there was another person who cared about you as much as you care about yourself, life would not treat you like this. Am I right?

If your husband cared enough for you he would not put you through this, infact he would become like a barrier between him & his useless family.
prumessence replied. The more you worry about them, more depressed will you be.
They are stooping to low levels by discussing you in front of anybody with ears. But if you hold on to your decency in time,people will side by you.
Dont ever crib about them in public. With your husband dont give any importance but do let him know every problem you face due to them but be the first to go\";wow! wonder why they do that?\"; and then let it go.
In your husband's eyes you will be mature and he wont feel nagged. So next time his parents talk about you he should think to himself\";my wife is so much more dignified\";
Do whatever you want to do, in regards to work,cook or clean. It is your life, your house and your marriage.
As long as you arent doing anything to hurt them, demean them why worry!

They just wish they could be you thats all! If their dil would be submissive, their control over your husband would get increased & that is what they want.
Since you are independant & your husband is broadminded, they are rendered helpless & that is what bugs them!
So relax & let them raise their bp's! Q replied. Been there, suffered that. You dont mention how new into teh marraige you are. At the srat, when the DIl is from a totally contrasting background, the differences appear even so more stark.

Work out a strategy to tide over teh remarks, just ignore them and get your way only.

the FIL saying you are not my son anymore and all is plain dramebaazi. Eventually your husband will realise that too. There is a very nice article on the homepage about living in 9with in-laws) send a copy of it to your husband!

humour helps. try joking off silly and unneeded comments like the one your FIL made. Kinda puts them in their positions which is - a big joke.

hope i am being helpful.