Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

I posted earlier in this message board.I have been married for 6 years,my husband agrees to whatever his parents tell him do to,its upto the extend that if we need to buy a car is also decided by my in laws,only if they agree we can buy anything in our house.My in laws are in India but i can feel their presence in everything that my husband do.My in laws have told my husband not to keep any relationship with my family so he is not talking to my parents and sisters anymore,also he has told me that if i want to live with him he has a condition that my parents will never visit me here.
When i go to india my in laws try level best that i should not go to my parents place.
My inlaws can go to any extend to make me feel bad.My fil once threatened me when my husband was not home that he totally controls his son and can make him to do anything he wants.
My problem is whenver i try talking to my husband about my in laws behaviour he stops talking to me.
and if i don't initiate the talk he won't talk to me for weeks or months,finally i had to surrender and apologize to him for no reason.
Please tell me what should i do ,this happens everytime i try talking to him about his parents.
He is not ready to listen anything about his parents ,please help
Diane replied. I think you should give him the boot...they are obviously greedy for going abroad and have no concern for you and your family.

Good Luck MODERN SATI SAVITRI replied. Hi Geeta,
First of all, why are your in laws controlling your house hold all the way from India? Why is it that your in laws had an opportunity to run there family and do everything that they wanted to do; yet, you and your DH are not given the same opportunity. Are we moving back in time or forward? You need to talk to your husband and let him know about EVERY SINGLE thing that you do not agree with. Do it tactfully, though! DO NOT FIGHT! Let him know that you love him and that you want your family to be very happy. Tell him that without communication is the only way that we can have that happy family, because the insures that both peoples needs are being met. Express to him how grandparents are very important to your baby (Maternal and paternal, equally!!!!)Good Luck Honey!!!! RR replied. I agree totally with Mani..
just make him realise that if his parents mean so much to him.. how does he expect that your parents dont mean anything to you!!
you need to stop taking such things from him.. that house is as much yours as much his..
you are as much a child of your parents as he is to his.. just being a girl shouldnt change things.. also.. if he is responsible for his parents so are you!! didnt your parents do so much for you.. and i am sure for him too. and didnt they teach you the values for which he liked you and married you.. and didnt they spend so much on your upbringing and studies.. dont they love you.. why should they be any different in your lives then his parents.. Mani replied. and u taking crap from him!!!!!! My question ...why?
He listens to his parents and does whatever they want....whatever..u need to make hm realise that u and his child r now his immediate family!!!
He doesn't talk to u'r parents..u stop talking to his. I wouild not even go visit.
Once my husband told me that my parents r not welcome..and i told him..well fine..and u'r r not either. Don't expect me to treat them nicely if u going to be bad to mine. ( and i actually get along really well with his parents..touch wood) That had him thinking.
Don't talk to him about parents either u'r or his..just do it.
Stand up for u'r self.
He has conditions..well..u lay down some too...say fine my parents will never come...as long as u'r parents have no influence in our life.
U can't change him over nite..if he doesn't talk to u fine...u don't try talking to him...give him the cold treatment
and since u don't like his parents...IGNORE them.
Instead pretend that u happy by not talking.
Tell him u'r parents r coiming to visit....whether he likes it or not...and since this is u'r house too u can invite anyone..if he doesn't like it..he can move into a hotel during their stay.
btw..who came for the delivery of u'r baby???

All the best.
The bottom line is men have 0 tolerance for our parents but expect us to quitely accept thier parents as eveything. well..those days r gone now..and he needs to realise that. Sometimes men just say things to see how far they can push us..and they mostly just empty treats....do things instead of trying to talk to him..maybe he need a little tit for tat to make him realise how much his behaviour is hurting u. me too.. replied.
I have realized that these days women are much more independent and capable of taking decisions than guys. I was thinking the problem would reduce once the kid comes in picture but looks like they don't make much difference either(I don't have kids yet). Just like you said ... every discussion about his parents lead to heated arguments and fight for which you have to apologize in the end.

Even if you tell them sth their parents actually said, they won't beleive it. But if their parents say one thing which is going against you or ur parents, they don't need any proof or even a sentence from you about it. If his parents have said it ... its like it was engraved on a stone and no one can change it.

The good thing is that I am working and I don't have to think about their deeds all day. You are also working, so best thing you can do is indulge yourself at work and get busy with your kid at home. There is nothing you can do which will change ur DH's thinking. Don't waste your time trying to change him. Just try to be happy. Talk to your parents and sisters on a regular basis. Doesn't matter if DH doesn't talk to them. Don't care about it. you have your own life and be happy with it.

Just be strong, you know what happens when you bring up the subject of his parents ... so just don't bring up the subject. If you are feeling uneasy about sth il's said or did, talk to your friend or parents and get it off your chest. Don't try to tell him what is wrong because he is not going to understand it and you will end up having a fight and in the end will have to apologize for nothing.

Try and see if it helps you. Good luck. kavi replied. Dear Geeta,

Would like to know the details from you.

R u working..?? do you have kids?? what is your husbnd doing ..??