Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi Friends,

I have a problem pl try and help !!

Its only 1.5 years of our marriage and we have a 5 months old daughter. Its a love marriage and my In laws were against it and somehow after drama it took place.

I am an independent female and working and was staying with my in laws and while I got pregnant my inlaws and SIL never took care of me and I shifted to my own flat with my husband. I had a tough delivery and pre mature.

I am seeing a change in my husband as he is after I came back from my home with child he is sort of away from me types. We are not having a husband wife relation at all and when i spoke he said he is busy with his new project and so too preoccupied.

My inlaws have given me all sorts of mental problems and now again I am shifted with my child to my own flat. I am insecure as my MIL mentioned that she will try and snatch my child and my husband is with me but mentally I really dont know as I feel he has moved somewhere away from me.

My MIL come and visit my daughter but i get scared of loosing her. My daughter stays full day with servant and they come stay there but before i come they leave.

I am scared of loosing my lil one and also how to bring my husband back menatlly also and also by heart.

Help me pl.

priya replied. Hi,

Regarding your husbands behaviour, there is nothing to worry. Normally many men feel out of place when a baby is born. There is a change of Role which they need to get adjusted to. You need to help him with it

Even I went thru the same ... And these are few tips I followed ...
1) Involve him in lil work related to your kid like changing diapers .. putting her to sleep etc.

2)Talk to ur hubby as if ur daughter loves him more than you by telling him how excited she gets when she hears his voice ...or how frustated she gets when he is not around. I know 5 months old baby dont show too much of these emotions but your hubby will still feel very excitedwhen told this and will start to feel like a father.

5) When my son was a little older I taught him son to say \";Pappa\"; so my hubby was so thrilled to here him saying \";Pappa\";. He thought his son loves him more than me so he is calling him papa ... Till now he doesnt know i taught him that.

So there are these little things which you can try which will help him bond with you and ur kid .

Best of luck :) a friend replied. hi confused,
Your condition may be due to post partum depression. Usually after the birth of the baby, mothers go thru' a phase called ppd due to harmonal changes in the body. Talk to your doctor. Try to do yoga and get away from your child and regular routine for atleast 30 minutes a day. You will feel relaxed and clear after that. As far as in-laws are concerned it seems to be a problem without solution to many women. The only thing you can do is change your attitude towards them. Do not give too much importance to what they say/do or did not do. Just think that they are some acquaintances in your life which are not very important. Just do your duty towards your family and do not expect anything from them. You will see that they will change too, in due time, of course.
hth,
friend prumessence replied. It is difficult when the baby is just 1.5 month old. Try to find a day care that can take care of your baby so that you can keep the child out of house and therefore your inlaws dont have to visit. There are bai's and dadi's who do this for part time jobs too. You can find somebody in your own building, community etc. But be careful of men in such houses. You should always be careful against society.
Secondly sit down and talk with your husband,ask him if his distance is due to child or due to moving seperately. Coz in both cases you have to show him that he should do what is right and not discourage you and give you wrong vibes.
He needs to stand up for you and child. He needs to come home,be happy spend time with child and be a good husband to you. Ask him that what you can do to make things better. Cook his fav food and do things to please him and bring back his love. Good luck.