Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi,
My son who is 9yrs old, is a very arrogant boy. He does'nt write his notes at school, keeps loosing things at school, maintains his things very hapazadily, does not know to dress up well. He wants us to always sit with him to do his homework and even while studies, he wants either of us to be wiht him. Only then he studies. Otehrwise, he keeps looking here and there and keeps wasting time. He does'nt eat his lunch, but likes all type of junk food. He very often tells lies. We keep correcting him every now and then, but he is just adamant. We keep giving him examples and make him understand, we talk to him and consell him. When we loose our patience, we yell at him and sometimes beat him also. But we try maximum to control ourselves and explain him his mistake. Inspite of this, nothing seems to be working on him. He just does'nt want to budge. HOw long will he be like this. Will he ever change. I am really worried. Please advice.
Thanks. been there replied. I know how this is. It's very difficult for the parents and the children. Don't beat him. A quick but not too hard slap on the face right away if he says something extremely rude to you is ok, but only once in a while. Otherwise he will just get angry and act worse. TO be effective, try encouraging him with rewards like candy or a movie or something he likes if he does a specific and simple task. Start small, and show him that he can make you proud and that many of the things he does are good. Don't worry that he doesn't study or concentrate or eat well. That is soooo common with kids that age. Just don't keep lots of junk food at home & give him tasty food that's good for him. Also, if he wants you to study with him, that almost certainly means he longs for your attention and to spend time with you, and that he is insecure deep inside. Make studying fun, and be glad he wants you to join him. The time will come when you will no longer be able to help him with school work and he may no longer want your help. a mother replied. hi malini,
In my Opinion, ur son is not arrogant. He may just have given up because he thinks he cannot impress his parents. He must be going thru a mountain of guilt right now. He will also lose his self-esteem. If you read your message again you will know that you have been complaining a lot than encouraging. I am not saying this to criticise you. I have done that too. Mothering will take a toll on us and in between we forget to think about what our child will feel when we say things. i know the school and society demands more everyday from our children. We should not forget in the meanwhile that we send our children to school so they could learn and get them ready and open to life long learning experiences. Try to empower him with love and not guilt. I am sure you will see results in a few days itself. Be sure to give yourself a pat in the back for trying to be a mother. This too shall pass. My wishes and hugs to you.