Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi,
I've been married 3 yrs. Hve visited india 2 times and my in laws have visited once for 2 mts. Those 2 mths seemed like a year and now they plan to visit for 6 mts. M-I-L is very attached to my husband and F-I-L thinks he can confide all his problems to his son. Even though they do not really have any problems. They always make him feel guilty that they do not get enough time with him and my husband is just happy to feel important with all the attention. M-I-L expects me to cook 2 times a day and clean everyday. In the rare event that she cooks, she cooks for the 3 of them and hands me left overs from a previous meal or some cold stale or burnt food that looks like wht everyone else is eating but is not.My husband is aware of this and has brought it up a few times but she is ever devising new ways to fool him into believing that she has prepared food for me too. When i cook I end up cooking for all abt 20 rotis a time i.e 40 a day ! how do ppl that make roti's do that every day ?? I do not like being the complain pot but it this is more of a psychological battle between me and her. She wants my husband to believe that she cares for me but at every instance that he is not around makes me feel like she is so unhappy abt me, what i wear, how i look...hey I come from a very nice,protective and loved family and have never encounterd such cheekiness and cunningness before. I know that her dislike for me is not as blatant as some of the other's problems posted here but it does not fail to affect me psychologically. This time around I would have just had a baby abt 4-5 mts and they will be here for 6 mts I will not even be working yet. I am not able to enjoy my pregnancy when i think of this. My husband is ever guilty that he is away from them and when they r around does everything possible to please them ! Best part is he thinks granparents visiting is the best for kids and suggests that he wants them here every year for 6 mts..It's hopeless...any ideas how i can deal with this ? abc replied. i had the same problm, i stay in bangalore and my mil stays in other town, she wld be very gud to me only in front of mt hubby when she came for the delivery. when i went after 2 mths to her town she fought with me like a cat on my decision of nursing my baby. she wld keep telling me that why shd i keep the door close to feed the baby, she felt as if i am going off to sleep in the room with the reason of goin to nurse the baby, she wld just not let me rest during the day when my baby was makin me awake during nite time. she wld go to sleep alone and me left with the baby alone. But thets how they are and thats why the difference between a mother and a mil XYZ replied. Rupali,

If you are pregnant and staying in US, believe me you can handle pregnancy and delivery alone. In any case, please do not invite your in-laws during pregnancy or immediately after baby birth. I have seen many cases in which in-laws screwing up DIL’ s life, after delivery rather than helping her. So please do think 100 times, before you invite them to your place.

I would suggest, for help and mental support during pregnancy, you can ask your parents / only mother to visit you, as they are also grand parents. You can always get relaxed when your mom is around, but definitely never ever think of MIL during pregnancy. So try your level best to convince your husband and get your parents than in-laws during pregnancy.

Please keep in mind that your physical health as well as mental state affects baby during pregnancy and even after baby’s birth. You will not able to work in last trimester as much as you were working earlier. But still, it is always better to work for 3 people ( u + ur hubby + baby ) than working for 5 people - your family + in laws. If your MIL was not behaving properly before, it is highly risky to expect something good from her at this stage.

Take care!
XYZ
support replied. listen here, u r pregnant and dont spoil ur mood at this time for any damn person in this world.
its ok if he wants to please him and dont take my suggestions with any wrong intentions.
make him realise tht u also left ur parents and in today's age sacrifice and contribution of husband n wife is equal.
as u r pregnant so it'll be little easier to make him understand the attitude change required in him to face the welcome change expected in future.(the baby)
even thn if he doesnt give an ear thn fight back. why dont u make him an emotional fool as ur MIL do. he is no more only a son but going to have a son lately
picture frame him with all ur real love for him so tht this time he stands between u n his mother himself without ur reqeust.
TIT FOR TAT is as simple as that.
iknow i'm suggesting something tacky but it is high ur mil realises tht he belongs to u first and by the way how much did she shared ur FIL with her (MIL) mil.
keep trying
these things will continue like our lives monisha replied. believe me, when the baby is small, whatever help you can get is welcom... and if they are as traditional as i think they are, she will see that the first 40 days, u'll get the chance to recover your strenght.... AK replied. I understand what u are going thru and I am in the same situation...
6 months with my baby and me at home...I am not sure how to deal with it either.
My husband thinks that they will help and does not want to listen otherwise...