Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

I have a slightly unusual problem.My in-laws especially FIL has always favoured my hubby's elder brother and used to always compare my hubby with his elder brother in his childhood.But my BIL has always been good to my hubby and given him emotional support.My Hubby is in awe of his brother.I can understand that.But my hubby is not only involved emotionally with his brother but his bhabi and his nephew too.So much so that he wants me to feel the same kind of admiration and attachment for them within 3-4months of marriage.He wants me to work very hard to maintain good relations with them ,speak to them everyday(we live in diff cities),but at the same time does not expect the same from them.He keeps on talking abt them all the time,they mean the world to him and my hubby never even once on his own has discussed anything abt our life together,kids etc(even though he is very much attached to his nephew);I feel very alienated at times and even though i perfectly understand the its wrong ,end up having a feeling of resentment towards my BIL and his wife. do u think i am overreacting? archana replied. Its nice to have a good relation with BIL and his wife, but after all i don't think that your husband should expect you to feel the same way that he feels about his brother and his bhabi. I think talk to him nicely and explain it to him that you would too like to have a good realtion with them but it would take some time. Many people beleive that talking on the phone etc improves a relationship between people. While this may be true, you should be the one who should feel like calling them up, not your husband. If your BIL and Bhabi are nice to you, you will automatically feel the closeness towards them over the years. If they are not as nice to you as they are to your husband then i think its wrong for him to expect you to work hard towards maintaining a good relationship towars them. If he does not understand this then, you do the same about say ur sister or brother etc. Keep on talking about your sister for example, her husband, her kids and ask him to make effort towards maintaing a healthy relationship towards them by calling them, sending them emails etc. This will make him understand how you feel bcoz of his unreasonable expectations.
Anyway good luck. I hope ur husband understands about ur feelings soon, and hope ur BIL and bhabi are as nice to u as they r to ur husband. That way u will automatically feel closeness towards them. And if they are not so good to u follow my advice. wellwisher replied. What your husband expects of you is correct. For a harmonious long term relationships get to know your BIL and his family. Your husband surely is having ideas about life and kids but has kept it within himself. Start communicating with your husband about your dreams and I am sure your husband will open up.