Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

hi everyone,
my problem is that my hubby used to love me so much he was so romantic n caring we r married for 8yrs and having two lovely kids but now he is totally changed and doesn't care about me that much but my mil has a great role in life she is the only person who is so much jealous when my husband loves me. we r living overseas when we call my mil on my second childs birth then i was pregnant and my mil made me cry a lot and she always make big issues and told my hubby behind my back then my hubby asked me and i told him why is ur mom doing this to me and whenever i feel pain in my feet or back then she used to told me todays girls r pretending so much when me and my daughters were pregnant we told no one about our pain and u r always saying that u r feeling pain here n there and there were so many other stories i can't write them all then my hubby told me don't say a word just ignore whatever she says and i did that my girl was born and she go back to india but once when my hubby was talking to her over the phone i was cooking and mil thought that i m not there and she start to tell my hubby big stories and by chance in kitchen i just pick up the phone and i hear everything then i told her its enough why r you trying to destroy my marriage and i did nothing wrong to u but u r telling my hubby the made up stories and then we have a fight over the phone.so now i rarely talk to her over the phone.
now she is so jealous of me that i am enjoying overseas with my hubby n she and her married daughters r living an average life in india so now she always wants my hubby to send money to her,her married daughters and her other sons and her sister and brother. I know we have to send my mil the money but even her sister and brother n daughters n sons - how can we manage all this. my hubby is youngest one, all his bros n sis r elder n all married they have kids like my age we r sending them money on their marriages n if they want help to go overseas n in bad times n all the expenses of my mil but its so tough as my hubby is the only one working bcos my kids r small i m not working. the problem is my hubby is now going according to his mom now he doesn't love me doesn't care about me n we r having sex very rarely. Now he is going totally on his moms instructions. I m so sick of all this.I always try to ask my hubby that why don't u love me anymore then he just let it go n if i insist then he starts to fight with me he goes to work and here is nobody else to whom i can talk to and i just spend my whole day crying and saying that why did i get married? in india u can talk to someone but her eis nobody. my parents r also in india and they r alone there too bcos i have no bros and my sis r also in other countries whenever we tried to talk to my parents about this they got sick as they r having health problems. Plz tell me what should i do now i love my hubby so much. plz give me a solution. soul replied. hello friend
I can see from your mail that you are going through a hard time. However, hang in there.
Firstly, realise how lucky you are that your MIL is far away from you...
Don't spend all your day crying and worrying as your children need you. You have got to be a strong mother for them. Keep yourself busy in the duties of taking care of your two children.
I have had a similar situation with my husband, where for a period of time, we did not have any intimacy, and each time I used to cry out to him and say \";why don't you love me\";. Usually men do not like this type of behavior in a woman. You have got to become stronger and he will come back to you.

- Forget about your MIL. She does not live with you and lives a million miles away. Don't let her affect your life in any way.
- Go out and make some friends. Do your children go to school or preschool ? Perhaps you can make friends of their mother's, etc
- Join some play groups or mother's group so that both you and your kids have company.
- If not, and if you are in the US, am sure you can meet some people through this forum ?
- If you feel depressed all day, you probably are not taking care of yourself and your appearance. Start taking care of yourself and have confidence that you are a beautiful woman.
- Don't bother your husband about his mother. I am sure he is aware of your position and he is probably even aware of his mother's mistakes, but it is very difficult for anyone to talk against their parents.
- For the moment, let your husband worry about the house hold finances.
- You take care of yourself and get your self confidence back.
- Of course, take care of your children.
- Dont speak about your MIL or about the finances and talk about neutral subjects with your husband. Talk about your family - your own 2 children. There is so much to think about - so much more than your MIL !!!!
- By doing this, you will certain gain your self confidence and win the confidence back from your hubby.
- Remember, your husband is also working hard to support all of you. He would like to come home to a pleasant evironment, not one where you are not feeling well, and keep asking for his attention.
Also remember you are NUMBER ONE. No one can take care of you, as much as you can take care of yourself.
Good Luck.