Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

dear friends, this is about my mother. iam a married woman staying in my parent's house because my husband is studying. iam the only child for my parents. from childhood my mother has been undergoing tortures from the beginning. just after marriage dad took my mom to his brother's house[ who is responsible for all the tortures] and made her cook for them. his wife used to torture my mom so much.they both were working. they used to put their money in the bank and take money from my father for all expenses. my mom was not allowed to interfere in this. even when my mom was pregnant they used to make her work a lot. one fine day they came out of the house and started a seperate life. but his brother used to tell my father to ask for cot, almirah and so many things from my mom's parents. his main intention was to create problems bet my parents. my dad thinks his brother is god. his wife is even worse. she used to pester my dad to give her money to build a house. one fine day she hit her husband with broomstick and took one of the sons with her and went to dubai to work. even now she is earning a lot. unlike his brother's wife my mom has been bearing all the beatings and scoldings with rotten words.my mom's life was only me. she used to concentrate so much on me.years passed. my dad's brother kept a servant maid in his house to cook for him. he had illegal contacts with her. later that maid sent her daughter to work as a maid for my dad's brother. he had illegal contacts with her also. he is so cheap. [this is just to tell u what kind of a person he is]. my mom on the other hand is a v.good woman from a v.good family. her dad and his sister[my mom's aunt] were freedom fighters. all her brothers and sis are so good. they dont even smoke or drink and v.good in charachters. finally one fine day they started talking about my marriage. his brother v.cleverly planned and made my dad ignore my mom in making decisions regarding my marriage issue and got me married in a wrong place. he said wrong things about my mom to my inlaws and i had to face my part of tortures. i cried to my dad but still he supported his brother. i am a v.bold girl. i gave it to my inlaws properly and set every thing all right. but iam not able to change my dad. he used to hit my mom even after she crossed 50 years of age.he used to kick her in stomach. one fine day, i threatened my dad that i will go to police. then he stopped. he often threatens my mom that he will commit suicide if she answers him back. his brother not only tortured my mom, but also mentally tortured me. so i told my dad about all this and said that i dont want his bloody relation. ofcourse as usual my dad did not support me. but he was scared to talk about his brother to me. now the problem is that my hubby finished his studies and we[myself and my hubby] r going to a new town to settle. on the first day we enter a new house, we boil milk and we celebrate it in a simple way. my husband and myself planned to call only my parents and his parents[my inlaws]. but my dad wants to invite his brother.he feels he should honour his brother. but if his brother comes, he is surely going to create some problem or the other. so i said i will not allow him to even step in to our house. so he was asking my mom to convince me to invite him. i refused strongly. so he picked up a fight with my mom for no reason and scolded her with dirty words. he even called her a prostitute[i should remind u here that my mom is a v.good woman from from a v.good background as i have mentioned earlier]. he said that he is the one who is earning and my mom is dependant on him.i could not tolerate all this. i blasted my dad. [iam sorry friends. iam unable to show any respect to my dad in this situation]. he asked my mom to get out.he refused to eat. he threatened to commit suicide as usual. then our friends came and settled things right. but my mom is totally broken. iam not earning because i have a small kid who had lots of complications during birth. so he is a high risk baby. so i have to wait for some more time to find a job for myself. since iam not earning, my mom does not want to stay with me. my husband is also not so good to help her. he will surely insult her if she stays with us. what is the solution for all these problems? my problem is how should i or my mom put an end to my dad's and his brother's dirty behaviour? once i get a job, i will take care of my mom. so thats not the actual problem. we cant allow them to go on like this. we should do something to stop them. everytime my dad gets a phone call from his brother, he creates a problem at home. my mom even said not to speak about his brother to her. but he makes it a point to speak to her about his brother and picks up a fight. friends, give me your precious ideas to solve this problem. Virginia Gal replied. I can't believe this is a true story. You need to help your mother. She should be helped first above everyone else and made a primary concern to deal with above all others. That is so sad that your husband would not favor your mother living with you both.

Have you mentioned to him that maybe she could care for you small child at home and that way you would be able to go out and work? Having her at your home could work to his benefit since sadly he won't just accept her living there for *nothing.*

Please don't neglect your mother admist all the other heat you are dealing with. I think you should do everything you can to get her out of that crazy lopsided house where she stays with your father and move her into your own, more peaceful home. Get her out!

Dont work on trying to change your dad and forget your crazy uncle. What a psycho sick bastard. People like him are a waste of earth and space. His evil actions towards you and your mother and dad make my sick. He will get his. Don't worry about that. He thinks he is left neglected on this Earth? He will know once he dies the consequence of all his evil surely!

My advice Get your mother out!! Please. I feel so sorry for her. How can your dad beat her when she is so old? How can anyone deal with that? Please don't waste one minute on trying to improve your own life when the woman who bore you and cared for you so much is suffering while your life is improving. Help her she needs you and would do the same for you. I would move out with her and put my trust in God for providing for the both of us. Get your husband to agree he just has to!

May God guide you all and in guidance protect you from all evil. cd replied. I must say I am very very touched. Your mom has gone thru such a lot. But she has borne a bold, forthright and brave daughter like you!!!

My heartiest praises to you!

I am glad that you have had teh courage to take on your father . Your father is probably the root of all the problems. His brother is an outsider. if your father was a good man, your uncle wouldnt have been such a problem.

people who threaten to commit suicide hardly do. you have to be in a terrible situation to do that. Is your dad in such? I suppose you shd stop worrying about that. he is just threatening, coz he has nothing more..

If your father is still physically abusing your mom, she should shift out. what abt her siblings? cant she go to them as a temp arrangement?

You should teach your mom to become strong. the way i see it, if your mother leaves your father, he has no support. do you think he will go and live with his brother?

A temporary break away might help your father to realise his wife's importance.

you are with your mother right now.take up a temp accomadation. will you suffer without your father's money?i dont think so. Help your mom move out.help her be independant. teach her to survive without an abusive husband. it cant be that difficult, can it??

For physical abuse take the help of the police. Anytime your father as much as opens his mouth or shows an attitude to abuse, the police should show him the locker.

I hope i am of help to you. But sitting in prob a far away place from you, i can only give you words of comfort and my prayers. The actions have to be yours and your mothers! Be brave! Good luck.