I got married 6mnths back and stay in a diff country ,away from my in-laws.Had to stay with my in-laws for only 2-3 days after marriage.Still Surprisingly my MIL ,in our 10-15 mins weekly phone calls gives me loads of advice and keeps on telling me to follow her other DIL's footsteps when it comes to having kids (that is ASAP).She really gets on my nerves and i really WONDER that if she mananges to do that from sooo far away what will happen when i have to eventually stay with her in the near future.u have any idea how to deal with this kind of MIL?
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I got married 6mnths back and stay in a diff country ,away from my in-laws.Had to stay with my in-laws for only 2-3 days after marriage.Still Surprisingly my MIL ,in our 10-15 mins weekly phone calls gives me loads of advice and keeps on telling me to follow her other DIL's footsteps when it comes to having kids (that is ASAP).She really gets on my nerves and i really WONDER that if she mananges to do that from sooo far away what will happen when i have to eventually stay with her in the near future.u have any idea how to deal with this kind of MIL?
AB replied. I lived with my in-laws in the State for 4 months right after I got married. I was very stressed out those four moths..my MIL complained about my not being Indian enough bbecause I was born in India..and she meddled in my husband and my affairs...it was a very difficult time for me...I feel bad because I continue to talk but my husband's parents to my husband..and now that they have left I am still having trouble getting over the things my MIL said to me while she here. Now I would like to start my life with my husband and not be interfered with, but I find it impossible because I am concentrated on the past and worried that it will always be like this...
Any advice?
N replied. Rohini,
ok if you have to make the effort to call her every week, why don't you stop this habit and turn it into calling her every two weeks.
Make the suggestion to ur husband, but make it in such away that it sounds like his idea.
If ur husband does not agree then when u call her, again make it a short 5 mins, make some excuss like u have some thing on the cooker, anything i'm sure u can think of a few things then pass it to ur husband. Try this and see what happens.
N replied. Sister,
Take my advice, nxt time ur MIl calls, make a mental note of the time, once 5 mins has gone say 'mum i need to go now' and use a excuss and pass the phone to your husband.
U must have a pattern of when she calls, next time make sure u are in the shower/bath and ur husbands answers the call.
I'm telling u, ur husband will get so feed up with listening to her, he will automatically tell her himself to back off.
Sister, ur MIL is the responsibilty of ur husband too, let him deal with her too.
Take care
N
IndianGirl replied. Do what I do...I NEVER listen to my in-laws. They dont know me. Simple as that
indian gal replied. Rohini, all parents (even mine) when they step into IL shoe they get extremely irritating and untolerable.So the best is to keep your cool till the point they realise that there's no point in telling you anything. Most Indian women of earlier generation r utterly stupid at family planning(bcos they never did) and do know the importance of PLANNING (kids, finance,, life, career, house, happiness, privacy). Just listen to ur MIL and do not reply (a yes/no). Enjoy if this is a temp stay away from ur ILs as you may never get these beutiful days back. try to learn new skills, get a job and leave ur ILs out of ur mind.
cvb replied. Hi Rohini,
It is very natural for your MIL to give you advice. Regarding having kids its up to you and your husband to decide. You are lucky since you are staying away from your MIL. Enjoy your days in the far away land and try getting involved in something worthy than getting anxious about your MIL.
cvb
2003-10-21
#1
Name: AB Subject: In-Laws
I lived with my in-laws in the State for 4 months right after I got married. I was very stressed out those four moths..my MIL complained about my not being Indian enough bbecause I was born in India..and she meddled in my husband and my affairs...it was a very difficult time for me...I feel bad because I continue to talk but my husband's parents to my husband..and now that they have left I am still having trouble getting over the things my MIL said to me while she here. Now I would like to start my life with my husband and not be interfered with, but I find it impossible because I am concentrated on the past and worried that it will always be like this...
Any advice?
2003-10-20
#2
Name: N Subject: ok, try this .....
Rohini,
ok if you have to make the effort to call her every week, why don't you stop this habit and turn it into calling her every two weeks.
Make the suggestion to ur husband, but make it in such away that it sounds like his idea.
If ur husband does not agree then when u call her, again make it a short 5 mins, make some excuss like u have some thing on the cooker, anything i'm sure u can think of a few things then pass it to ur husband. Try this and see what happens.
2003-10-17
#3
Name: N Subject: Help for u
Sister,
Take my advice, nxt time ur MIl calls, make a mental note of the time, once 5 mins has gone say 'mum i need to go now' and use a excuss and pass the phone to your husband.
U must have a pattern of when she calls, next time make sure u are in the shower/bath and ur husbands answers the call.
I'm telling u, ur husband will get so feed up with listening to her, he will automatically tell her himself to back off.
Sister, ur MIL is the responsibilty of ur husband too, let him deal with her too.
Take care
N
2003-10-17
#4
Name: Rohini Subject: thanks
Hey 'N' thats a real coooool way of keeping away from the phone......I am gonna give it try,but the prob is we make a call to her every week (as we r in US) and my hubby expects me to atleast speak a few words to her before hanging up!
2003-10-05
#5
Name: IndianGirl Subject: Ignore them
Do what I do...I NEVER listen to my in-laws. They dont know me. Simple as that
2003-10-03
#6
Name: indian gal Subject: read my advice to sonika!
Rohini, all parents (even mine) when they step into IL shoe they get extremely irritating and untolerable.So the best is to keep your cool till the point they realise that there's no point in telling you anything. Most Indian women of earlier generation r utterly stupid at family planning(bcos they never did) and do know the importance of PLANNING (kids, finance,, life, career, house, happiness, privacy). Just listen to ur MIL and do not reply (a yes/no). Enjoy if this is a temp stay away from ur ILs as you may never get these beutiful days back. try to learn new skills, get a job and leave ur ILs out of ur mind.
2003-10-03
#7
Name: cvb Subject: Natural
Hi Rohini,
It is very natural for your MIL to give you advice. Regarding having kids its up to you and your husband to decide. You are lucky since you are staying away from your MIL. Enjoy your days in the far away land and try getting involved in something worthy than getting anxious about your MIL.
cvb
2003-10-06
#8
Name: Rohini Subject: thank you
Your reply made me realise that i am unnecessarily getting anxious abt my MIL .I do need to get involved in something and i have started to look out for a job.
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& Answers to Topic : how to deal with this MIL?
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In-Laws
ok, try this .....
Name: Rohini
thanks
Ignore them
thank you
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