Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi everyone,
I managed to discover this website by chance. I have been through some of the issues on this website and my story is some what similar to many of you all. I came from a liberal family, where I was brought up to be independant, working, still with my values, etc etc. I had a love marriage and my husband is the only child and son. He is very attached to his parents. My ILs are fine people, BUT each time there is a topic which is related to their son (my husband) an issue arises. My hubby and I are pretty happy in our marriage, but only bcos of my MIL we generally have grave arguments. She is typically very provoking....
After 2 yrs of marriage, my hubby and I have a better understanding of each other - thank God. However, when it comes to my family, there is always an issue. According to the instructions of my MIL, my hubby does not socialise with my family very warmly. We (hubby and IL's) live in the US and my family lives in India. My IL's and us live separate (thank God). During the first year of our marriage, my hubby would hardly even speak to my parents on the phone. Also, he would visit them for only 2 or 3 days per year, and that too, stay in a hotel !!! This was all on instructions on my MIL. I was of course very hurt and but in the first year, I did not have the courage to say anything to him. I always used to respect his parents and actually made an effort to get to know them better and improve our relationship despite this knowledge. Again, this year, we are going to meet my parents in India and my hubby had intially agreed to spend half the time at my parents home and the other half in a hotel, which was fine with me, as he was making an effort and doing this behind his parents back. However, prior to our journey, his parents told him to avoid staying at my parents house ! He however, did stay at my parents house, but for a little less days than he had originally intended to. His parents still dont know that he stayed at, for which I am grateful to him.
My MIL and my aunt are very good friends, but after our wedding, insteading of becoming better friends, their relationship has become worse. As a result, my MIL does not socialise with her anymore. And, she also prevents me and my hubby from seeing her. At first, my hubby believed his mother and did not want me to see her either, but later on, I convinced him that we should not be invovled in their political battles. There is a social ocassion now to which my aunt invited me, and said that I should convey the invitation to my MIL. I told my aunt that I did not want to get invovled in other people's politics and to handle that issue herself. My problems are

* I feel so stuck in between these politics of my aunt and my MIL
* Even though my hubby has agreed that he will go to the social ocassion with me, I just feel as though my MIL will try to convince against it.
* I keep having these constant thoughts in my mind and dont enjoy my time with my hubby.
* Also, I felt so \";depressed\"; at this time, that I phoned another aunt and told her that even though my hubby or my IL's will not come for the social party, I will come myself. Now, I am afraid that my 2nd aunt has spread some stories about my hubby and my inlaws (ie that they will not come for the party, even though later on hubby agreed).
*Also, another issue I feel is that if my MIL constantly goes against what I want to say or do, for example, my hubby agrees with me, and then my MIL says something else and my hubby agrees with her then. So he keeps changing his mind and in the end, we end up doing whatever MIL in wants.
*I feel that if the future would be like this, then our kids too would be brought up according to what MIL wants always, and I would feel so suffocated and useless
* I feel very restless and as a result, often argue with my hubby about useless things, when actually this issue is really what is bothering me.

My hubby is a good guy but gets very influenced by my MIL, even though it may not be originally what he wants.

Does anyone have any advise on how I can chat to my hubby on this and make him realise this ? Also, I need some advise on how to control myself so that I dont go around to my family stating things about my hubby, as I feel so desperate.

Please help me. Dil replied. Even my husband listens to his parents without questioning. He does not socialise well with my parents and siblings upon his parents instructions. I tried to talk to him but it does not help, he says he will do what his parents told him. How should I deal with this? another DIL / Husband issue replied. hi everyone

I also wanted to add that in the past, when I have tried to reason out with my hubby in a nice way, without screaming or shouting, he often just ends up saying \";I will respect my parents\";, even though he knows what it is wrong. Each time he says that I really dont know what to say or how to handle the issue and just stay silent. Also, I really think our marriage is great, besides this issue and really do want to make efforts to make it work better. Please help. Thanks....