Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

hi there,

i am in a bit awkward situation.needed to know if what im thinking is reasonable or am i expecting something too much from my in-laws? or am i being childish?

my expecting due date is 24th april.its my 9th month now and in my complete pregnancy period no one from my in-laws has even bothered to show any concern about me.none of the members from my hubbies side has bothered to call me in complete 9 months to ask bout my health n how m dealing with my first pregnancy.m all alone in america with my hubby on a temporary visit.they alwaz expect us to call them,be it my saas sasur or my sister in laws and u know what my sister in laws are obst and gynacs,still they never thought of asking me even once about my developments.
am i being unreasonable by expecting them to call me once in a while?or is this attitude of sasuralwalas common??

i have discussed openly this with my hubby but he always tells me that i should understand his family n accept their behaviour anyhow and digest the whole thing without complaining as he cant force them to call me n show sum affection if they dont want to.when my sister in laws were pregnant at that time my saas asked me all the time to call them n ask bout their health but now that am pregnant this dosent apply to them.shud i give up my expectations?or shud i tell what i feel openly to my in laws?i dont like this unjust treatment which is going on from the first day of my wedding.
will it be sensible to let it go or shud i express my feelings.i dont wanna things to ruin but to get better but am not sure if there is any outcome from this coz they have alwaz treated me harshly.
i dont understand why DIL's alwaz have to be the sweet ones and understand everything.why cant the same thing apply to them for a change.

please advice if i should speak my heart out or just keep my feelings bottled up?? diamond replied. wow...Saif is such a nice name- I like it. I will surely pray for you, your baby & for your easy delivery- so just relax. Do not worry. I hope everything goes fine and you go back home with a healthy & cute baby & ofcourse a big big smile on your face.

My best wishes are with you. God bless you.

Love,
Diamond diamond replied. Hi \";would be mom\";,

I understand your nervousness & excitement at this stage- since you are very close 2 your due date now. Trust me honey, everything will be fine. Here in America, delivery & labour are alot easier than in India- so relax. Do your breathing exercises regularly. I did pray for you and your little boy. I wish you good luck again. Hey have you thought of a name for him ?

Do tell us about your delivery & the baby- once you feel better.

Cheers,
Diamond diamond replied. hello \";would be mom\"; ,

I understand your view-point- you are correct when you say why we DILs are expected 2 show love & respect for our in-laws, when we don't get the same in return. Even I have thought a lot about this. Every relation is \";give & take\";- but here, we keep giving and don't get anything back( oh actually I forgot, we do get-their anger, rudeness, controlling behavior,taunts,thousands of your weaknesses which you were surely not aware of before marriage :-) depression, nagging, backbiting ...see the list is too long :-). Anyway, jokes apart, I think when you don't get anything back in a relation, you start developing feelings of hatred in your heart. You keep thinking- oh I have done this, I have done that, but still they are mistreating me and finally a point comes, when you loose all your patience-you have no love & respect for your in-laws. After this point, Whatever you are doing for them ,is just a \";dikhava\"; , because obviously you are not doing it willingly. You are just making a compromise, since there is no option left for you. The feeling of true love & affection is all gone. And once your heart is filled with bitterness, no one can amend it- not even you. How hard you try, you just can accept them as your own.

So you see, even in-laws are also at loss, they are also not getting anything with this kind of attitude. I agree they don't even make an effort 2 call you or ask about your health etc, whereas you are atleast doing your duty. But remember- you are also doing it beacuse they are elders and your in-laws, not willingly.

Hey, by the way, I am not pregnant :-). But whenever we talk 2 our in-laws, my MIL always says -\";jaldi khushkabri do aur mere aane ka intezam karo\"; ! And this after a lot of fight & arguments( although I have never uttered a single word in front of them)...so that's my story.

One more thing- Havn't you called anybody from your family 2 manage things during & after your delivery? Like your mom or anybody else? You please take good care of yourself. Don't think too much about it. You are very close 2 your D-day. Have faith in God. And keep in touch with us. Do let us know about your baby :-).

I wish you a very safe and easy delivery.

Cheers.
friend replied. ur xpectation is correct but u should also accept the fact that 90% of the inlaws are like that.my inlaws staying in the same town did not even talk to me over the phone during my pregnancy. its all the same. so dont worry about them when they dont care about u. just tAKE CARE AND THINK ABOUT YOURSELF AND YOUR BABY. TRY DAYDREAMING ABOUT YOUR BABY. THAT WILL GIVE U SOME RELIEF diamond replied. Hi Dear,

I think you really don't know how lucky you are. When I read your post- I thought- Wow...this is really nice if in-laws themselves stop interfering us, so that we don't waste our whole day thinking that what they said and what hurt us. Thank your stars beacuse you have got sooooooo \";akalmand\"; In-laws. I want my in-laws 2 be like yours and stop bothering me. Sorry for sounding harsh, but believe me, I really get tensed whenever I have 2 talk 2 my in-laws- either way, if we call them or they call us. In your case, atleast they are not calling you and bothering you. I understand your feelings & expectations- after all you are a human being. You must be expecting that they should show a little bit happiness & concern for you and the baby. It is natural- but by not showing any feelings for you and the baby, they have proved that how selfish & heartless people they are. Then why do you even think about them & expect anything from them? You just enjoy your pregnancy & take care of yourself. You must be having your own family- keep in touch with them. Talk to your friends. During pregnancy, a lady should always be positive- it really affects the baby's health.

Like other DILs, I too have many serious issues with my in-laws but still I have 2 talk 2 them(I do this just for my hubby). My in-laws don't like me at all , but still my MIL has made her plans to come here during my pregnancy & delivery- just 2 show the world that their DIL is under their control- huh ! Although she has not said this 2 me directly, but I know.

You must have read other DILs messages here- see how painful it is for them, when their in-laws bug so much and try their best to create problems between husband & wife. I remember having read a lady's post here, where she had mentioned that her MIL & some other relative called them in the middle of the night and started asking some stupid questions about pregnancy & baby. It is so frustrating ! Just imagine, if your in-laws also start doing the same thing & keep calling you and interfere too much- how would you feel? Because never forget, that they will not call you 2 show some happiness or concern, but you will have 2 listen 2 a number of unasked advises, orders & demands. Will you be able 2 bear that ?

So, in my opinion it is better if they don't call you.You be happy with your husband and the little angel who is soon going 2 be in your lap. Just think about your own little world. This will give you immense happiness and you will forget the rest.

Good luck, have a safe pregnancy & delivery.

Diamond.