Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Here's my Problem.I am married to u.s citizen for 6yrs & have a 4yr old girl we live in west coast & my in-laws also live in U.S mid-west .They don't live with us but visit us every 6months.Every visit has been nerve racking to me as they totally take over my child.Especially my mil she makes sure that my daughter never comes to me during their stay.Their behavior bothers me as i don't say don't go to your grand parents but they have a limit.Eg when my daughter sang some nice songs for me my mil immediately said you have to sing about grandma & not your mom.I find this offensive as every kid does loves their mother right? & also my kid never even bothers to come to me during their stay she totally ignores me & my hubby.She wants to eat ,play ,read & be with them 24hrs.I have to say here again iam not agaisnt my kid being with them but this behavior of them trying to do this to me bothers me? what should i do? please don't say ignore it as i stay at home & i have to deal with this every single day of their stay.One more thing even if we go out my daughter will say granny you have to sit me me & she makes big fuss over it & both my mil & fil enjoy this they even say to each other did you see that she only wants us she doesn't want their parents.They have been living in U.S for 35 yrs & they are not broad minded.They want to take over my kid i feel that they had their turn with their kids here free of her in-laws & now it's my turn to do stuff for my kid.i feel depressed over this whole thing & please don't tell me to avoid them as they stay for only 20days,every single day of their stay is like hell for me as my own kid will not come to me.what should i do? i know that having grand parents here is a positive thing for my child but when it gets to a limit where parents are parents & grand parents need to know their limits.I also have to say that though they have been living here for 35yrs they behave very mean to me act like typical india type in-laws tyring to put me down on each & every thing they i do.My mil never likes me she thinks i have to always fall in their feet etc & she enjoys when my daughter bahaves this way towards me.I am looking forward to all your answers for my problem as my in-laws have planned a visit soon.Please help me.

Just me replied. Hi I think Nikki is right.

Always think, you are your kid's mother!!!

Until, she is on her own/she gets married, you are the one whio totally own her.

nikky replied. I had gone through with the same thing and I found one simple solution.I started to send my son to my mil/fil and I myself enjoyed my TV programme or read my favourate mag or called up my mother/sister. this action of mine make my mil jealous .sometimes I went out with my hubby and leave my son with my inlaws u know this will works very well because my inlaws thought we(i and hubby) are enjoying our time.Next time onwards my inlaws never tried to pull my son towards them.hope this will help you friend replied. u have said that u r not against your kid going to their grandparents. but i think u should stop your kid from going to them. they dont seem to respect your feelings. iam not going to say ignore this. but why y did u ignore this issue for 4 years. please know what your rights are. your bondage with your kid is from the day you concieved. you must have undergone so much of problems to give birth to your child safely. tell them all this. if they say that they too underwent all this. tell them firmly to stop all this. tell your husband how will he feel, if u try to seperate him from his parents.. tell him that you are hurt. fight it out somehow. never give up your rights just because you are a daughter in law. dont fear. if u fear ur in laws will gain strength. just read my topic inthe same board. i have written in the name sad and tired. i have never allowed my kid to get attached to my in laws. just check out my topic if u have time. be bold. we are all there for u abc replied. i think that ur ILs think of themselves as someone great because ur daughter goes to them.so they say that 'see she comes to us and not her parents'.they kind of feel proud that she wants them and not u when they are there.
so u can tell them that 'she gets bored all the time seeing only us and so when someone comes she wants to be with them. it does not mean that she has a special liking for u or something like that'.and if u have any friends visiting u then u can say that 'this also happens when our friends come over. it is just because of some new faces that she does not get to see everyday'.
or maybe u can say that 'we(parents) have to be a little strict to teach her discipline and when u guys come over, u don't teach her anything. so she feels a lot of freedom.'
in the meantime when they come, u can keep her busy by taling her out to play or something.and if ur MIL tells her to sing songs for granny only and not mummy then simply tell her that she is not teaching proper things.