Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

When is this wonderful ceremony going to be included in Indian marraiges? It is 'giving away the son/groom' in marraige by his parents inline with 'kanyadaan'. Most problems that wife/DIL faces will not exist if the the guy's parents (like the girl) were MADE TO BELEIVE that their son does not belong to them (paraya dhan) right form the day of marraige. They loose all control over their son when they marry their son off. They should be ashamed to take anything from their son and should not stay in the daughter-in-law's house for long. For a son his wife would be his primary responsibilty and he should forget that his family ever existed or they are reduced to something secondary. For him his wife's happiness should mean everything and he should be scared to leave his home to visit/invite his parents.

I have been thinking abt this for quite some time. And believe me this is not a joke. This a fact with changing times. Inlaws (guys parents) have ALWAYS been a stinking problem and the fact that they ruin a young life (wife) is a truth. Only when both set of parents are meted out equal treatment there will be justice. Ofcourse how do the old people take of themselves? I'm sure the pandits (those who came with existing marraige system) will have an alternative. Definitely since I propose an alternative my solution would be that when the old parents'(irr of wife/husband's) cannot do anything (disabled etc) they canlive with kids. BUT it is high time that guy's parents are alienated in the marraige ceremony for the peace of many. A system prevails only when many believe (or are forced to believe) that life cannot exist if it were not so. Now many may argue as to the benefits of having old parents (obviously guys) around for kids. They can teach all the wisdom by staying away just like the wife's parents'. Many of us had our mothers' parents making huge impact on our lives than our fathers' who lived under the same roof hassling abt food, craving for respect, creating troubles in mom-dad relation. etc. I would definitely like to hear from women (bcos I know how men would jump off their seat at my proposition that they dont get to live with their dear mommy & daddy while their wife kisses their a** out of respect!!!) Mohna replied. I too agree with you....I have posted the message below earlier...But to add to this, I wanna say that - My life has become so miserable because of my FIL...I tried to hard but could not stop thinking about the fact that he would come here eventually...I sure he would...He loves his son like crazy & his son too madly loves him.... I am just not ready to accept him...But I always think that he really has made my life such that I do not want to look forward to future...to any progress coz I know, the rewards of every progress that I would make would be reaped by my FIL...its just so hard to accept it...What do you think????

I really have a unique problem. I just have FIL. He is alone in India. My husband wants him to come here eventually - after we get our citizenship (in 4 yrs). My FIL is 68 years old. Right now he is managing on his own but in a few years he will not be able to do so. He gives us subtle hints to call him here. He has visited here - but gets bored & behaves in a weird way . He loves his son more than anything - he remained glued to him all the time he was here. It was a very bad experience for me. He likes to get involved in all the minor things we do which is very frustrating. He would want us to take him every where we go otherwise he would throw tantrums. He is very selfish by nature & loves just his son in life. He cries very badly when we come back from our India trip & spoils everything for us. Obviously my husband is also very attached to him. I am just scared to death at the thought of having him here permanently. I don't want to be cruel but I don't think I can ever deal with my FIL. I am very tensed at the thought of having him here & allowing him to reap the fruits of my hard work at the cost of my happiness. I don't know what to do.
ruta replied. I ahave thot unfair to care for ILs. Why should I when my parents spend so much effort, money, sleepless nigts when I was small or sick, so much tensions how I wouyld grow to be smart, intelligent. Why do I care for people who have not spent a single penny for my clothes, edu, hobbies , who have not cooked food for me who have not cared for me? Why should I care for them , their likes , their sacrifices when they dont mean a damn to me. I am married but I never gave a damn to what my ILs think/want right from marraige. If my hubby asks to give importance I have told him let his aprenst do something for me then I will think of recprocating, NOTHING before that! Cheese to the idea. I already follow it.