Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi,

I really have a unique problem. I just have FIL. He is alone in India. My husband wants him to come here eventually - after we get our citizenship (in 4 yrs). My FIL is 68 years old. Right now he is managing on his own but in a few years he will not be able to do so. He gives us subtle hints to call him here. He has visited here - but gets bored & behaves in a weird way . He loves his son more than anything - he remained glued to him all the time he was here. It was a very bad experience for me. He likes to get involved in all the minor things we do which is very frustrating. He would want us to take him every where we go otherwise he would throw tantrums. He is very selfish by nature & loves just his son in life. He cries very badly when we come back from our India trip & spoils everything for us. Obviously my husband is also very attached to him. I am just scared to death at the thought of having him here permanently. I don't want to be cruel but I don't think I can ever deal with my FIL. I am very tensed at the thought of having him here & allowing him to reap the fruits of my hard work at the cost of my happiness. I don't know what to do. Any suggestions?? NULLNULLNULL replied. First of all, hate is a strong word. What is more important to YOU? The fil or the husband? Don't undermine your happiness for the fil's sake. Sure, he is 68. Life, we all age. Even I am aging, but thanking God to be single. I am DEAD against of inlaws (regardless of age, etc) living in my home. Sure, its easier said....we all will be happy. When the cows come home maybe? You, need to value what's important to you. Also, you can't be confrontational either. I was destined to be married a year ago. When my future mil told my grandmother that she prefers her son in law to live with them. I automatically lost my mind. If my religion (i am muslim) allowed drinking. Then I would be at the local bar!! Remember you are the most important person...in that house. If the fil can't even see you as a person...the hell with him. I honestly don't care of what others think. LIfe is too short. Enjoy every minute of life. If the fil, persists in coming here....find him a nice one bedroom condo. Take care. ss replied. Hi Mohna

Why brood over something that might happen 4 years down the line. Don't let that worry and thought spoil the next 4 years for you. Who knows what happens during that time. So enjoy yourself right now. When you go to India spend as much time as you can with your parents. vinaya replied. Dear Mohna

I can understand ur feeling , I think you are in a difficult postion as me, the solution is that u have learn to ignore him as much as u can. They have no right to make your life miserable though at any cost they will try to do it. Don't spoil your happiness for others i think it is not worth it.

Actually i am in the same situation also, my FIL scolded me in bad words, and after that they are still happy so i made a decision that in any case we shouldn't spoil our happiness, but it is very hard to survive with this kind of people though i am pushing myself very hard , sometimes i wonder why should we get married and take all these nonsense, i was infact very happy with my parents, anyway God is Great, don't talk back to them, even if you want to answer them tell them very politely, if it difficult still , just ignore them, if you continue to ignore them how long can they do all this. Be bold and face it. We shouldn't sacrifice our life for these people our parents didn't give birth to us for that

I think there is a purpose in life. Live your life in the way you want.