Parents of Preschoolers  Discussion Forum

Friends,
Here is the story. I am really worried about it a lot. My 4 year old son behaves very cranky/stubborn some times(Many a times). To add upon that, my husband doesn' t have patience at all. My son is rough also i.e. the way he handles things Etc.
The problem is with my husband handling my son' s behavior. If things go worng from my son' s side, he just beats him like anything and he screams in high pitch at my son. I am totally against this act. The other day, when my son pulled out my husband' s chain(while playing), it came out with hook expanded. Just for that, my husband beated my son a lot and he had taken a bat to hit him. I just had to put all my strength to push him back. Telling my husband softly when he is angry doesn' t work out at all.
I have tried explaining my husband about consequences due to this behavior many a times. it never helped. I know, he has to work on his anger management. But he doesn' t accept it. His ego comes in between. Infact he scolds me a lot, saying i am spoiling our son by supporting him and not beating him. My parents never used to hit us. Though we used to behave cranky when were small, we became very good children with the time.
I am not sure, how is my husband brougt up. He wants to have full control on the kid. I have explained him offline very softly. It never works. Some times i protest by not talking to him for few days. But no effect at all.
My son can be easily managed just by raising voice. But, my husband gets so much angry that, he doesn' t have control on himself. When i went in-between to stop beating my son, i too had got some beatings accidentally. It was so painful for me. Just think of the impact of it on my son! That makes me feel so bad.
Very recently, when my husband beated my son, my son was saying, Amma lets give police complaint and they will take pappa and put him in jail. I don' t want such kind of clashes to happen at home. Don' t know who will understand this.
If i tell some elder person to advice my husband, i am sure things will worsen because of his ego.
When he is not angry, my husband is very nice to the kid. THey play nicely and spend good time together.
While getting his homewok done also, if my son makes mistakes, my husband scolds, beats the son.
I feel very sorry for my son and cry some times for the way my husband handles him.
Please help me to handle this........

Please help me and give suggestion on how to handle this.
Mel replied. I feel really bad reading your message. Your husband is a good father overall, but his idea of discipline is counter-productive. Hitting a child is unacceptable. We are smart educated people and it is up to us to find ways of communicating what we want without having to resort to physical abuse. I agree with you - if this carries on, it will ruin the father-son relationship.
This is just a suggestion, I am unsure if it will work, but why don´ t you put the onus on your husband. Ask him to decide some method of getting the desired behaviour from your son. ASk him for a time period of 1 year. If your son´ s behaviour improves over this period, tell him that he will have to adopt this method for good. Boys tend to be more aggressive, and this kind of behaviour may later be reflected by your son with his classmates.
I wish you all the best, and hope you can help your husband understand the long term implications of beating your son.