Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

I am staying here in the states and my inlaws are visiting. I am having so much problem as both of us are working so they get bored at home. When we get home we find two individuals who are sulky and blaming us for everything. My MIL always thinks that her son is working so hard while I do nothing I feel so frustrated. She wants to call all over India it is so expensive but they dont listen and if I say so I am the bad guy. Now they are planning to extend their stay I am so confused. If anyone can help me with this I would be so grateful if not help just help me vent out my feelings it would be great manya replied. \"; the honour of any enterprise lies in its dishonour; the more one undergoes the process of dishonour the more one gets the honour. \";

so let me get this correct, if you stand on teh street and let people pelt you with eggs, you become more honurable?

hmmm. which planet are you from? firstly are you a woman? have you lived the life of a DIL? Anon replied. Many of the working DILs have faced this problem. I have faced the same with my parents too so blaming only ILs wud be little unfair. My very same parents who were so supportive etc in India behave quite weird when they are here. They are quite modern ppl who have lived in cities and not the religious type (the bugging type who make life hell for youngsters). STILL they could not gel with our lifestyle. They complained abt us being lazy(getting up late on weekends), food (they wanted us or ME to be interested in making different foods - like chutneys, raitas EVEN if there's the dal, roti, sabzi), would poke their nose everytime me and husband spoke or someone called on phone. They wanted to know everything what we say or do not to mention come along everywhere we went. It made me snap back so many times. I cud understand they get bored and we did take them out to freinds or to restarants but there's only so much you can do. Add to it the elders habit of indian parents/ILs to constantly interfere in a young couple's life. They just dont get to relinquish control as they have lived their life the way they want (or their elders wanted - who cares!!) Just thank ur luck they are leaving soon. You cannot do much other than buying video cassettes or books from library or visiting/calling over friends. Its not ur fault. They should learn to spend their time and it is not ur duty to entertain them. And if they are extending their visit they are not so bored as they claim. So just ignore their remarks! ss replied. Hi Mahima

I can imagine how you are feeling. But in laws never understand how much you are doing here in US working and taking care of the home is a big job. At least be thankful that you are working and don't need to be with them 24 hrs. That in itself is a blessing believe me. Don't let them take over your life. I see that you haven't mentioned anything about your husband so I am presuming that he is with you and appreciates you. At the end of the day that is all that matters.

There is nothing you can do about them extending the stay I guess. The very fact that they are doing that means that they are not getting that bored !! Maybe you can get indian channels at home or if you live close to public transport they can go to malls etc. As for the expensive calls try Pac Bell if you haven't already they are giving 31 cents per min to India. OR buy calling card from sites like giftstoindia or the like. It will come out be cheaper. Shamsur Rabb Khan replied. Dear mahima,
You seem annoyed with your in-laws. Nowhere I find you blaming yourself. This is very hard. I tell you a short story. A missionary went to a hermit for advice and asked \";I don't have the ability to bring people near me.\";
\";You are a liar.\"; Was hermit's reply. The missionary was stunned.
\";Yes\"; continues the hermit, \";You don't have the courage to go near people\";.
Even if you are in the States, you have not adhered to positive thinking. You have two options: either you pray for your in-laws early death or separation, however, the latter one you have already started. No need for advice.
Old people, like the new generation, don't like the mastery of the young relatives especially daughter-in-laws. And you are not ready to give up the authority in favour of your in-laws.
However, give a try. Relinquish your responsibility of running the household affairs to your in-laws. Will you? It is more difficult.
You like to check their expenses while yourself would love to go unchecked. Let them have a try and you can better understand their feelings. Don't say put a question mark on their ability to run the household. Dear mahima, it is the power that matters most. I may be harsh to you but I always prefer truth over pretension. Avoid their faults, seek goodness in them, love them. Nothing pays better than sacrifice. Don't read case history, create it. Raise your self above normal human weaknesses. Otherwise you have your own life. Let the old guys go to any care center. I give you a mantra: the honour of any enterprise lies in its dishonour; the more one undergoes the process of dishonour the more one gets the honour. Sorry if I hurt you.