Girls and Your Son

As most parents of teenagers know, once your children enter their teens, a large part of their discussions - and life - is likely to center around the opposite sex. This is often a time of anxiety for parents, who want their children to concentrate on their studies and on non-hormonal extra-curricular activities.

While parents tend to be more liberal towards their sons, some still don't encourage the idea of their sons going out, dating or having girlfriends. The main reason for this worry seems to be that they don't want distractions to interfere with their son's studies. Parents who lay strong emphasis on education especially seem to be of this mentality.

Although this worry is not completely unfounded, there are various ways to cope with it.

Don't discourage your children from indulging in romantic, lovey-dovey thoughts. Romantic fantasies are very much a part of being a teenager, and if you discourage such fantasies, your child will simply shy away from you. Instead, you should work at encouraging your child to discuss their problems with you. If you think by discouraging such thoughts your children will not indulge in them, think again. Your child will just turn to the phone and pour his heart out to his friends.

Although you lay no importance to the fact that your son's crush has started going out with another boy, it means the world to your son and he is indeed probably crushed. To wave away his feelings and demand that he concentrate on his studies would be to simply deny the issue, and it means that your son has one less person to talk to. You, as a parent, are the biggest support system for your child. The reason teenagers don't discuss their problems with their parents is because they feel their parents would not understand. If you do start taking an interest in your child's love life or lack of one, you will find that your child will start confiding a lot more in you, and he will not hesitate before coming to you for advice. And wouldn't you rather he takes your advice than the advice of his friend?

More conservative parents of sons often make the mistake of putting down the girls their son mixes with. Although these parents let their sons go out at night for dinners or parties, they wouldn't let their daughters out at night. So they often put down the girls who accompany their sons to these parties or dinners.

It would do parents good to remember that these girls are friends of your son. They probably help your son with his studies and vice versa, cry when they do badly in an exam, and are working towards some goal or the other, just like your son is. Bad-mouthing them will not make your son stop hanging out with them. It will only make your child think of you as conservative and as someone with who he cannot relate.