It's very difficult to say 'no' to
children. They can look so crushed and disappointed. Their woeful little
faces tug at your heartstrings. Many parentsfeel like ogres when they
are forced to lay down the law. They feel like the villains who have taken
the sunshine out of their children's lives. But unfortunately, life's like
that. It isn't all fun and games and doing whatever you want. And the sooner
children learn this, the better. Naturally, the people elected to bring
this home to them are their parents.
Children are never going to be happy
about being disciplined. So even if you wish that you didn't have to encounter
sulky faces and sullen behaviour every time you read them the riot act,
it's not going to happen. Children are always going to think that you take
a perverse pleasure in raining on their parade.
The trouble with
being soft-hearted
The first thing soft-hearted parents
need to realize is that when they stop their children from doing something
that is not good for them, they are not being mean; they are being good
parents. Children lack the maturity to see the big picture and will accuse
you of being mean. But remain poker-faced and say to yourself that it is
for their own good.
Disciplining a child is not being
mean (even if your child says so). However, if in the course of disciplining
your child you humiliate her or make nasty sweeping statements about her
character, then you are being mean. In other words, discipline per se is
not meanness, but your style of disciplining may be.
Parents who feel that they are ogres
and feel guilty about disciplining their children are bound to come across
as tentative, reluctant and unsure. Children are quick to pick up on the
fact that you are 'softies' and will indulge in increasingly unruly behaviour
knowing that you are reluctant to come down on them hard. Parents are only
human and one day you are going to get fed up of being ignored and not
taken seriously. Then all your simmering resentment will be expressed in
an outburst when you will come down on them may be harder than they deserve.
Then you will really be mean.
For the greater
good
You have to understand that discipline
is not an exhibition of vindictiveness as your children would like you
to believe. Look upon it as an essential function of parenting. Your child
may not want to take a tetanus shot, but your insistence is not meanness.
You're just looking out for him.
Remember that as parents you're not
always going to be your children's favourite people or win any popularity
polls with them. They may say that they hate you and throw a hundred tantrums,
but they soon forget and will be all smiles. But once you have both cooled
down, make an attempt to talk to your child and discover why he said that
he didn't like you. You will find that either it was just something he
said in the heat of the moment and didn't mean it. On the other hand, you
may discover some flaws in your disciplining technique that you need to
rethink. However, keep in mind that it's more important to discipline them
than to be in their good books.
Name:
Jasmin
Country: india
as a parent, i just don't like tpo hear the words - i don't love you - so as far as possible i try to not lose my cool. i am not sure if i am doing the right thing.
Name:
meena
Country: india
dear jasmine,
you r doing the right thing to ignore.infact sometimes its very sad to hear such things from your own child. kids dont say this with heart but just sometimes they dont know what to say.best way is to change the topic.a topic of their choice and let it drift away from their mind.when everything cools.when they are in good mood discuss not argue with that with your kid.on why he said that.let him/her realise the mistake.they come to you saying sorry.also check your behaviour maybe you used some verbs unknowingly which reflects back through kids.so keep cool count 20 slowly till u calm down.and see the whole matter through a new perspective.it works on you.also teach this magic to your kids.
Name:
Chandrashekhar
Country: India
i have come across a neighbour who got married in front of me five years back and got a child.
the mother of the child banked so much on neighbours to bring his child up that the child used to devote at least 12 hours outside.
i always failed to understand what is more important for thet lazy mother and stupid housewife- bringing the child with love or shopping and making calls and visits to firend.
though the neighbours tolerated the nonsense for 3 years without compliants and with dedications on thier part, my issue is can such indisciplined mothers teach discipline to thier chils?
Name:
Pratima
Country: usa
as a parent you never want to hear i don't love you from your kids . but a plus side you are probably doing your job. i usually tell them when they tell that they hate me is that i am happy because i am doing my job.so deal with that. take time outs away from them whenever you think you can't handle them.
