Everyone wants peace. Peace is that state of calm, not worrying and an environment of no conflict. Our home is our place, it is our safe space, where we get to unwind without having to worry, without having to be as conscious and stiff as we are when we are dealing with the rest of the world. We want our home to be peaceful too, we want to have a bond with our family which brings peace to us and every member of our family.
Sometimes we can feel like we are not comfortable enough or relaxed enough in our home, it may be due to internal stresses or it could be due to tension at home. The home life and the environment is a little precarious, as it depends on all the family members. If even one of the family members is in a sour mood or is upset, or struggling through something, the mood of the entire household tends to get affected. If one of the parents are struggling with something, and are more stressed than usual, it affects the kids too. Kids model a majority of their behaviour after their parents, and subconsciously adopt the demeanour their parents seem to embody as well. So when parents are stressed, children start getting stressed too. Parents, too, get very affected by the mood their children are in. If their child is stressed or upset, parents tend to experience a spike in their stress levels too, in concern of the well-being of their child too.
Family units are different for each family, depending on living situations. These units or living situations also define and influence the dynamics the people might share, which sets the tone of the emotional tone and environment of the home. The popular assumption seems to be - with increased urban living, more and more people are opting for nuclear family styles. Which even though factually true, seems to not account for the fact that even in these nuclear family structures, it is not isolated. Despite what it might seem like, modern families are more likely to have an extended family member or parent/grandparent live with them. All of these decisions influence and affect the environment of the home.
So how do we make peace at home? What are the steps we can take that soothe these dynamics? Here are some principles and advice that may help you out -
1.Speak kindly.
Make it a point to speak kindly, always. Kindness goes a long way, and that does not apply to only the strangers in your life who meet you and you put on a “persona” for. We tend to take our family for granted at times, simply because we grow too comfortable with them. We assume they will understand if we are cranky from a long day at work, they’ll understand if I don’t reply to what they have to say because I’m in a hurry right now. And they might, they almost definitely will. But is it fair to them? Yes, we have had a tough day, but who is to say they have not? Who is to say they are not exhausted from their day too? Life is tough on all of us, and sometimes we get so entangled in our own problems that we end up developing tunnel vision that focuses on us and we don’t realise that others are living out full lives, and they are struggling too. Life can be mean to all of us, but we can be kind to each other. That’s what family is for. A little kindness can ensure a much more peaceful. It’s amazing how a little kindness goes a long way to setting the tone for the home.
2.Gather regularly.
People are living out their individual lives, yes. And that often ends in chaotic schedules that don’t really overlap, which means we all spend a lot of time away from our family. Maybe when you have work your kids are free, but when you have some free time your kids have classes. Maybe you want to go out for dinner with your spouse, but all your meals tend to be at different times because of different schedules. Maybe you want to spend some time with your parents, but just as you find yourself free, they are on their way out to a yoga class or to meet up with their own friends. It may be hard, but try to make the time. It pays off. When you see what makes your children giggle, what makes your spouse’s eyes light up with joy, what makes your parents proud - it will be worth it. Try to have at least a meal altogether, or a movie night every week. It will help strengthen your bond as a family.
3.Laugh readily.
Find ways to make your family laugh, and never miss a chance to laugh with your family. A happy family will always be peaceful (well as much as families can be, a few tussles here and there are healthy!). Laughing also secretes neurotransmitters that make you and your brain feel good, and the more you laugh with your family, the more you associate being happy with being with your family and more your family associates being happy with your presence. And the more happiness you find in each other, the more secure you feel with each other. This means fewer worries and more confidence that no matter what you may face as an individual or as a family, you will find a way to laugh about your worries.
4.Reduce the workload.
Due to social conventions in some/most societies, the job of running a household is left to the female and the job of earning to the male. Thankfully the society is evolving in most places in the world, and such gender-based norms are changing into a more ‘equal’ distribution of tasks that help a family flourish. Nowadays, either the workload is shared in equal parts to both the members of a couple, and there are also cases where the female works and the male takes up the tasks of completing domestic chores. Regardless, everyone should be involved in completing the household tasks. Involve the kids too! Obviously not heavy responsibilities, but small tasks here and there are good ways of teaching them that the household is everyone’s responsibility, that everyone should contribute towards. It is also a great way to inculcate in them life skills, that will surely help them in adult life. And also make sure to be a good model to them by ensuring not to complain or crib about these tasks. This will teach them to take responsibility in stride instead of treating them as burdens.
5.Be generous towards your family.
Turn your home into a stable and secure place for your family, by being generous towards them. Be generous in your kindness towards them, be generous in your affection towards them, be generous in expressing your sentiments towards them, be generous in assuring them that their family will always stand by them. But also be generous towards others in their presence, be a role model that they can learn being a kind person from. When you are generous to them, they are bound to be generous to you as well. The more space you give them, the more respect they will give you. And the more you express yourself to them, the safer they will feel in opening up to you too. The more they get to learn from you, the more grateful they will be to have you. This will all make a more peaceful and healthy atmosphere at home.
6.Forgive quickly.
We always preach forgiveness, and most of the time we encourage forgiveness as a way to find peace for ourselves than for the other person. Forgiving someone also gives you closure, gives you an event to signal your brain that ‘this has been dealt with’, or ‘this chapter is over now’ so that you can finally move on. These motivations change in the context of family and forgiveness. When you forgive someone in your family, it is for mutual benefit, for the both of you mainly, but also for the benefit of every member as forgiveness helps you maintain the peace of the home. Along the line, also make sure to not just forgive for the sake of avoiding a conflict, because then you might up encouraging behaviour you don’t want, you may accidentally end up conveying that it is okay. Which it is not. What you should do, is have a conversation that makes it clear how you feel about a mistake they have made, but also forgive them. A bonus to you out of this is that you are also more likely to be easily forgiven when you make mistakes (which you will - because all humans do).
7.Respectful physical affection.
Most of us need physical affection, everyone needs human touch - a tangible assurance that yes, you are a human, living amongst other humans, sharing bonds with them, co-existing with other humans, that we all are in this together. At the same time, there are also people who might not be very comfortable with someone encroaching their personal space, are not very comfortable with physical shows of affection. So make sure to check in with people, understand their boundaries and show physical affection accordingly. Some might love hugs as a greeting, others might be a lot more comfortable with a handshake. Respect these boundaries, they deserve their bodily autonomy, and they are much more likely to respect you and feel more comfortable around you. Such small but reassuring actions can go a long way in making your home feel a lot more welcome, comfortable and peaceful.
8.Have faith in your family.
As much as we do trust our family, and realise and acknowledge that they have our best interests in their hearts, misunderstandings often happen. It is something that is bound to happen in every relationship, especially your family given you spend a good chunk of time with them. Misunderstandings can happen due to really small things, but can often also escalate to a conflict that can strain relationships. In such situations, everyone should remind themselves to have faith in the people they have spent most of their life with. It can be very easy to jump to conclusions, it is also very understandable, as we are all human and we all have tendencies to misinterpret situations. But it is also important to work over those misunderstandings, and understand that their family will always have their best interests in mind even if sometimes we may not feel like it. This will helps resolve conflicts and worries much quicker.
9.Show your support affirmatively.
The biggest thing a family can provide for one of its members is unwavering support. An assurance that even if things go wrong, this is a set of people who will always have their back, that no matter how tough the situation gets, there will always be a place where they are loved and believed in. If you are successful in providing such a place for your family, if you are successful in creating such an environment for your family, you are gifting each member mental peace. They will not have to worry about the support of their family, and they will feel much more confident in taking in the challenges of the world. This peace from within them will also translate into the peace of the home.
10. Express your love for them.
It seems like a given, and obvious thing. Of course, you love your family, that is why you care for them, that is why you try to support each other, that is why you look out for each other. But vocal affirmations would still be nice. Don’t hold back on the positive emotions and thoughts you have for them. It doesn’t even have to be a cheesy verbalisation. Small things like letting them know you are proud of their efforts, acknowledging their tiredness after a particularly exhausting day, and reminders that encourage them to not take things not working in their favour to heart and that they can always try again. These are all expressions of how much you love and adore them and helps you create an attachment, a friendship, a relationship that fosters household peace.
Sorry. Due to our site's regulations and policies, your message has not been posted. Our moderating team has been notified about your message. If the message is found to be genuine and still did not get posted, you may not post the message again as it will automatically get posted for you within 24hrs time (excluding weekends).
- The Indiaparenting Team
