Whatmakesapeacefullife?Whatdoyouconsidertobeapeacefullife?Whatwouldyoudefineasapeacefullife?Andlastly,whatchangescanyoumaketoyourlifetoensurethatitispeaceful?Insimplisticterms,apeacefullifeisonewherewedon’thavetoconstantlyworryorfindourselvesrunningtomeetthenexttarget,thenextgoal.Onewherewedon’tfaceanxietyandworryeachdayoverthesmalldecisionsinlife.Therearetwowaystoachievesuchalife-havelifeworkoutourway,orworkourwaytofindpeacewithinorcreatethepeacewewant.Thefirstseemsalittleunlikely,almostfantastical.Wecan’texpectlifetoworkoutthewaywewant,andunfortunately,moreoftenthannotitdoesnotworkoutthewaywewantitto-infactsometimesitworksoutintheoppositewaywewantittogo.Sothesecondwayseemsmoreattainable.Attheveryleast,wecantrytomakeadjustmentstoourlifestylesothatwecanleadapeacefullife.Whataresomeadjustmentsinourlifestylethatwecanmaketoleadamorepeacefullifestyle?Herearesome:1.PayattentiontoyourthoughtsThewaywecommunicatewithourselvesisthroughourthoughts.Thewaywethinkaffectsthewaywefeel,whichaffectsthewaywebehave,whichinturnalsoaffectsthewaywethink.Sohowdoweavoidthinking,feeling,orbehavingacertainway?Bymonitoringourthoughts.Thoughtstakeupspaceinyourmind,andwewanttomakethatspaceaspositiveaspossible,whichmeanswewantthesethoughtstobeaspositiveaspossibletoo.Introspectalittle.Wehaveatendencytoletourthoughtsgetawayfromus,learntoreelitin.Keeptrackofyourthoughts,tryandlearnwhatmakesyouthinkthewayyoudo.Whichthoughtssteeryoutowardsanegativemindset.Onceyouhavefiguredthatout,youcanchangethat.Youcanchangewhatputsyouinabadmood,whatmakesyouworry,whatmakesyouanxious.Whenyoubecomeconsciousofyourthoughts,eveniftheyarenegativethoughts,justremindyourselfthatyourthoughtsarejustthoughts,andtheyshouldnotbeabletodefinewhatyournextthoughtshouldbeespeciallyiftheyareonesthatdonotmakeyoufeelgood.Thoughtsdonotmagicallytransformintoreality,butthewayyoubehaveduetothesethoughtscanoftenendupchangingandinfluencingyourreality.Soevenifyouarehavingtheworstseriesofthoughtsaboutyourlife,thoughtsthatmakeyouresentfulandtroubleyoubutifyouremembertotellyourselfthatthesethoughtsarejustthoughts,youwillbeabletoovercomeyourlikelytoletthemtranslateintobehaviour.Dismisssuchthoughts,youarethepersonwhogetstodecidewhetherornottogivethemsignificance,sodecidetogivethemlesssignificance.Itwilllessentheburdenyoumayfeelfromsuchthoughts.Startpayingattentiontowhereyourthoughtsleadyouandremindyourselftoredirecttheminamorepositivedirection.Itwillleadtoamuchmorepositivemindset,putyourmindatpeace,andhelpyouliveinamuchmorefulfilingway.2.Respond,don’treactOftentimeswefeeltheneedtoreacttosituationsortootherstoshowthatweacknowledgeit,othertimeswefeellikeifwedon’treacttoanotherperson’snegativeactionsandwordsortheirflaws,peoplewouldprobablyperceiveusassomeonewhodoesn’tstandupforthemselves,orapushoverbecauseweletthemwalkalloverus,orbecausewedidnotprotestwhateverunfairnesswehaveexperiencedorwitnessed.Thisdoesnotreallyalignwithouraimtoliveapeacefullife.Youmayfeelthatpeoplewillstarttakingyouforgranted,assumingyoucan’torwon’tfightback.Thesethoughtswillplagueyouandmakeyouworried,andagainwillnotbringyouanypeaceeither.Ifweholdonforasecondandthinkaboutit,almostalways,whenwereacttootherpeople’sflaws,wedoitoutofhabitandwithoutthinking.Thismeanswereactoutofinstinct,fallingbackonapatternofbehaviourwedon’treallythinkabout.Butsometimesactingintheheatofthemomentmakesthesituationworse,creatingabiggerconflict,helpingnoone.Suchareactionneverimprovesthesituation.Stillonthefenceaboutthis?Takenoteandobservethenexttimeyouareinahigh-stressorhigh-tensionsituation.Whenevertoreacttosituationsonanimpulse,andactout,youendupexacerbatingthesituation.Itwillnotbringyoupeace,instead,youmightevenfeelguiltathavingcreateda‘scene’.Evenifatthemomentyoumightfeelsatisfactionathavingappropriatelyreactedtowhatwascomingatyou,youwillrealiselateronthattherewerebetterwaystohandlethesituation.Sohowdowefixthishabit?Howdowemaintainpeacewhilealsomaintainingourdignity,andalsomakeitknownthatwearenotapushoverorthatwestandupforourselves?Act,butdonotreact!Respondbutdon’tletyourselfgettooanimated. Remindyourself,noresponseisalsoaresponse.Isthereadifferencebetweenactingandreacting? Yes,thereis.Thinkofyoureactingtosomethingakintoachemicalreaction,itisnotbasedonanyrhymeorreasonandcangetoutofyourhandveryquickly.Reactingnevertakesintoconsiderationtheconsequencesthatfollow.Reactingisnotarationalresponse,itisaknee-jerkaction,almostlikeadefencemechanismthatputsupyourshieldfirstandlooksatwhatyouareshuttingoutlater.Whatisactingorresponding?Itiswhenyouractionsaredeliberateandthoughtout.Whenyoutakeofthesituation,assesswhoandwhatisinvolved,thinkaboutwhattheseactionsorwordsmayleadto,andthenactaccordingly.Youareresponsibleforyouractionsthenbecauseyouaredoingitoutofyourownwill.Whenyoureactyouworkingin,youractionsaredependantonthewaytheybehave.Whenyouactofyourownwill,yougiveyourselftheopportunitytothinkaboutthesituationproperlyandchoosethebestwaytodealwithit,yougettobeincontrolofyouractionsifnotthesituation.Whoknows,youmightevenendupgettingtheresultsyoumighthavehopedfor.Thiswillhelpyoumaintainyourmentalpeace.Keepthisinmind:respondinggivesyoucontrolwhilereactingtakesitaway.3.Betruetowhoyouare.Doyouknowwhichisthegreatestpropensityhumansseemstopossess?Thepropensitytoconformtothenotionsothershaveofyou.Itsoundssadbutisregrettablytrue.Manyofusgrowupwithalotofexpectationsfromalotofpeople.Thebiggestbeingtheonesfromourparents,whotakecareofusandraiseus.Weoftenfeelespeciallynecessarytofulfiltheirexpectations,giventheyarethereasonforourexistenceinthefirstplace.Forexample,youmust’veheardsomeparentstelltheirchildrensomethingalongthelinesof“Thisprofession/vocationhasbeeninourfamilyforsolong,I’msureyouwillexceedinittoo”or“Thisissomethingrespectable,thiswillbegoodforyou”Thisresultsinthatchildgrowinguptobeadoctor,eventhoughthat’snotwhatbringsthemjoyoristheirpassion,notsomethingtheywouldhavelovedtobe,buttheystilldoittopleasetheparents,orinothercasesfamilyorevensociety.Sadly,waytoomanyhavefallenvictimtosuchthinking,andthentheycontinuetohatethejobtheyhaveandthelifetheyfindthemselvesliving.Theyareboundtofeelsuffocatedandhelpless-notabletofulfiltheirdreamsandhopes,notbeingabletoleadapeacefullife.Basically,waytoomanypeoplefindthemselfnotbeingabletobetheirauthenticself,notbeingabletoexpressthemselvesinthewaythattheywant.Thisleadstonotonlyahostofself-esteemissuesbutalsoalifethatisdeprivedofanysortofpeace.Wedonotwantthat.Ifyoufindyourselfinthissituation,don’tbediscouraged,youstillhaveachance.Astheysay,itisnevertoolate.Youcanstilltakemeasurestobuildyourdreamlife.Youcanstilldothingsthatyoulove,thingsthatbringyoujoy.Ittakesonlysmallchanges.Takesmallstepsandbegintostartlivingyourlifethewayyouwant.Basedonyourowndreams,yourhopesandyourdesire.Itmightseemintimidatingandfreeingatthesametime,buttrytobuildyourlifeandyourselftobewhatyouwanttostandfor,whatyourelateto,whatmakesyoufeelrealandyourself.Itisatoughcall,butonethatisworthitandwillbringyouimmensereliefandpeace.4.Focusonthepositives.I’msuremanyofushaveheardthemetaphorthatcompareslifetoapiano,wheretheblackkeysarethenegativesandtroublesandthewhitekeysarethegoodmoments,thecomforts,andthattheybothcometogethertocomposetheharmonythatislife.Itisaveryrealcomparison.Butsometimesthenegativescanaffectusalotmorethanwewouldlikeitto.Wecantryandfocusonthepositivesthen.Veryfewpeopleremembertolookatthebrightside,mostofusfocusonwhat’swrong(maybetofigureouthowtofixit,butwearestillfocusingonthenegative)inourlives,andmissoutonorfailtorecognisewhatisright.Admittedly,wedohavetofocusonthethingsthataregoingwrong,tomakesurethattheydon’thappenagainandsothatwecanlearnfromthemandgrow.Butwecan’tletitaffectusadverselyeitherright?Howdowemakesureconcerndoesnotturnintonegativityandstress?Weaskourselvesthisquestion-Arewefocusingonthenegativethingsinourlifetoimproveuponthem,orarewemullingoverthethingsthatgowrongbycomplainingandventinginfrustration?Itisnaturalthatthemorewethinkaboutthingsthatareoutofourcontrol,orthethingsthatarenotgoingwellorthewaywewantthemtobe,themorepollutedourmindsetandthesourerourmoodisgoingtobe.Ontheotherhand,whenwespendmoretimethinkingaboutthegoodthingsinlife,thethingsthatmakeushappy,thethingsthataregoingrightforus,wespendmoretimebeingappreciative,grateful,fulfilledandsatisfied.Thesearethethingsthatwewantinlife,thesearethethingsthatwelcomepositivityintoyourlife,andalsopeace.5.Findsomethingtolaughabouteachday.Lifecanbehardsometimes,andoftenwegetsobusymakingittothenextdayweforgettotakepleasureinthesmallthingsinlife,tofindsomethingtobehappyabout,somethingtolaughabout.Moreoftenthannotweendourdayfeelingexhaustedandoverwhelmedbyallthethingsthatwererapidlymovingalonginthedaythatwehadtorushtokeepupwith.Andwedon’twakeupthenextdayfeelinganybettereither,justpreppingourselvestofacethedayagain.Thissequenceofeventscontinues,andwestarttorealisewehavelosttouchwithpeace,wecan’tevenrememberthelasttimewefeltpeace.Doyouknowwhatcanmakethisendlesscycleofroutinealittlebetter?Agoodlaugh.Wealldeservehappinessandreasonstosmile,reasonstolaugh.Itreallydoesn’tmatterhowyougettothatlaugh.Goout,haveaneveningoutwithyourfriends,friendshaveawayofmakingyoulaughwhennothingelseseemstobeabletomakeyouevensmile.Watchastand-upcomedian.Watchafunnymovie!OrwatchoneofthosecuteYouTubecompilationsofanimalsthatseemtodrawoutgigglesfromwithinus.Itishardtocontinuetobesadwithasmileonyourface,sogoaheadandfindawaytoputasmileonthatface,happinessandpeacewillfollow!
What makes a peaceful life? What do you consider to be a peaceful life? What would you define as a peaceful life? And lastly, what changes can you make to your life to ensure that it is peaceful?
In simplistic terms, a peaceful life is one where we don’t have to constantly worry or find ourselves running to meet the next target, the next goal. One where we don’t face anxiety and worry each day over the small decisions in life. There are two ways to achieve such a life - have life work out our way, or work our way to find peace within or create the peace we want. The first seems a little unlikely, almost fantastical. We can’t expect life to work out the way we want, and unfortunately, more often than not it does not work out the way we want it to - in fact sometimes it works out in the opposite way we want it to go. So the second way seems more attainable. At the very least, we can try to make adjustments to our lifestyle so that we can lead a peaceful life.
What are some adjustments in our lifestyle that we can make to lead a more peaceful lifestyle? Here are some:
1. Pay attention to your thoughts
The way we communicate with ourselves is through our thoughts. The way we think affects the way we feel, which affects the way we behave, which in turn also affects the way we think.
So how do we avoid thinking, feeling, or behaving a certain way? By monitoring our thoughts. Thoughts take up space in your mind, and we want to make that space as positive as possible, which means we want these thoughts to be as positive as possible too.
Introspect a little. We have a tendency to let our thoughts get away from us, learn to reel it in. Keep track of your thoughts, try and learn what makes you think the way you do. Which thoughts steer you towards a negative mindset. Once you have figured that out, you can change that. You can change what puts you in a bad mood, what makes you worry, what makes you anxious.
When you become conscious of your thoughts, even if they are negative thoughts, just remind yourself that your thoughts are just thoughts, and they should not be able to define what your next thought should be especially if they are ones that do not make you feel good.
Thoughts do not magically transform into reality, but the way you behave due to these thoughts can often end up changing and influencing your reality.
So even if you are having the worst series of thoughts about your life, thoughts that make you resentful and trouble you but if you remember to tell yourself that these thoughts are just thoughts, you will be able to overcome your likely to let them translate into behaviour. Dismiss such thoughts, you are the person who gets to decide whether or not to give them significance, so decide to give them less significance. It will lessen the burden you may feel from such thoughts.
Start paying attention to where your thoughts lead you and remind yourself to redirect them in a more positive direction. It will lead to a much more positive mindset, put your mind at peace, and help you live in a much more fulfiling way.
2. Respond, don’t react
Oftentimes we feel the need to react to situations or to others to show that we acknowledge it, other times we feel like if we don’t react to another person’s negative actions and words or their flaws, people would probably perceive us as someone who doesn’t stand up for themselves, or a pushover because we let them walk all over us, or because we did not protest whatever unfairness we have experienced or witnessed. This does not really align with our aim to live a peaceful life.
You may feel that people will start taking you for granted, assuming you can’t or won’t fight back. These thoughts will plague you and make you worried, and again will not bring you any peace either.
If we hold on for a second and think about it, almost always, when we react to other people’s flaws, we do it out of habit and without thinking. This means we react out of instinct, falling back on a pattern of behaviour we don’t really think about. But sometimes acting in the heat of the moment makes the situation worse, creating a bigger conflict, helping no one. Such a reaction never improves the situation.
Still on the fence about this? Take note and observe the next time you are in a high-stress or high-tension situation. Whenever to react to situations on an impulse, and act out, you end up exacerbating the situation. It will not bring you peace, instead, you might even feel guilt at having created a ‘scene’. Even if at the moment you might feel satisfaction at having appropriately reacted to what was coming at you, you will realise later on that there were better ways to handle the situation.
So how do we fix this habit? How do we maintain peace while also maintaining our dignity, and also make it known that we are not a pushover or that we stand up for ourselves?
Act, but do not react! Respond but don’t let yourself get too animated. Remind yourself, no response is also a response.
Is there a difference between acting and reacting? Yes, there is.
Think of you reacting to something akin to a chemical reaction, it is not based on any rhyme or reason and can get out of your hand very quickly. Reacting never takes into consideration the consequences that follow. Reacting is not a rational response, it is a knee-jerk action, almost like a defence mechanism that puts up your shield first and looks at what you are shutting out later.
What is acting or responding? It is when your actions are deliberate and thought out. When you take of the situation, assess who and what is involved, think about what these actions or words may lead to, and then act accordingly. You are responsible for your actions then because you are doing it out of your own will. When you react you working in, your actions are dependant on the way they behave.
When you act of your own will, you give yourself the opportunity to think about the situation properly and choose the best way to deal with it, you get to be in control of your actions if not the situation. Who knows, you might even end up getting the results you might have hoped for. This will help you maintain your mental peace.
Keep this in mind: responding gives you control while reacting takes it away.
3. Be true to who you are.
Do you know which is the greatest propensity humans seems to possess? The propensity to conform to the notions others have of you.
It sounds sad but is regrettably true.
Many of us grow up with a lot of expectations from a lot of people. The biggest being the ones from our parents, who take care of us and raise us. We often feel especially necessary to fulfil their expectations, given they are the reason for our existence in the first place.
For example, you must’ve heard some parents tell their children something along the lines of “This profession/vocation has been in our family for so long, I’m sure you will exceed in it too” or “This is something respectable, this will be good for you”
This results in that child growing up to be a doctor, even though that’s not what brings them joy or is their passion, not something they would have loved to be, but they still do it to please the parents, or in other cases family or even society. Sadly, way too many have fallen victim to such thinking, and then they continue to hate the job they have and the life they find themselves living. They are bound to feel suffocated and helpless - not able to fulfil their dreams and hopes, not being able to lead a peaceful life.
Basically, way too many people find themself not being able to be their authentic self, not being able to express themselves in the way that they want. This leads to not only a host of self-esteem issues but also a life that is deprived of any sort of peace. We do not want that.
If you find yourself in this situation, don’t be discouraged, you still have a chance. As they say, it is never too late. You can still take measures to build your dream life. You can still do things that you love, things that bring you joy.
It takes only small changes. Take small steps and begin to start living your life the way you want. Based on your own dreams, your hopes and your desire. It might seem intimidating and freeing at the same time, but try to build your life and yourself to be what you want to stand for, what you relate to, what makes you feel real and yourself.
It is a tough call, but one that is worth it and will bring you immense relief and peace.
4. Focus on the positives.
I’m sure many of us have heard the metaphor that compares life to a piano, where the black keys are the negatives and troubles and the white keys are the good moments, the comforts, and that they both come together to compose the harmony that is life. It is a very real comparison. But sometimes the negatives can affect us a lot more than we would like it to. We can try and focus on the positives then. Very few people remember to look at the bright side, most of us focus on what’s wrong ( maybe to figure out how to fix it, but we are still focusing on the negative) in our lives, and miss out on or fail to recognise what is right.
Admittedly, we do have to focus on the things that are going wrong, to make sure that they don’t happen again and so that we can learn from them and grow. But we can’t let it affect us adversely either right?
How do we make sure concern does not turn into negativity and stress? We ask ourselves this question - Are we focusing on the negative things in our life to improve upon them, or are we mulling over the things that go wrong by complaining and venting in frustration?
It is natural that the more we think about things that are out of our control, or the things that are not going well or the way we want them to be, the more polluted our mindset and the sourer our mood is going to be. On the other hand, when we spend more time thinking about the good things in life, the things that make us happy, the things that are going right for us, we spend more time being appreciative, grateful, fulfilled and satisfied. These are the things that we want in life, these are the things that welcome positivity into your life, and also peace.
5. Find something to laugh about each day.
Life can be hard sometimes, and often we get so busy making it to the next day we forget to take pleasure in the small things in life, to find something to be happy about, something to laugh about. More often than not we end our day feeling exhausted and overwhelmed by all the things that were rapidly moving along in the day that we had to rush to keep up with. And we don’t wake up the next day feeling any better either, just prepping ourselves to face the day again. This sequence of events continues, and we start to realise we have lost touch with peace, we can’t even remember the last time we felt peace.
Do you know what can make this endless cycle of routine a little better? A good laugh.
We all deserve happiness and reasons to smile, reasons to laugh. It really doesn’t matter how you get to that laugh. Go out, have an evening out with your friends, friends have a way of making you laugh when nothing else seems to be able to make you even smile. Watch a stand-up comedian. Watch a funny movie! Or watch one of those cute YouTube compilations of animals that seem to draw out giggles from within us. It is hard to continue to be sad with a smile on your face, so go ahead and find a way to put a smile on that face, happiness and peace will follow!
