Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

i am mother of 2+ kid. my in-laws asking me to go for second child. but some how i am in confused state i personally not interested in second child unless one thing disturbing me a lot. that is Is my child feel lonely without a sibling. krishna replied. In continuation with my previous comment, i thought i should add this too. The ideal combination is a daughter and son. If non of them are lost through their life then they have each other for them selves, who can be so such great support to each other. Apart from their comfort in later years, when they get married the girl knows how boys of the marriage age behave, how to deal with them and vice-versa. Such a learning can never happen in any other manner. The next important thing to follow is keep them in co-ed schools. Never in very remote hostels until they are very matured enough, may be like when they are of the age to do Masters program or so. Or ensure frequent visits to be with them help them handle their emotional issues.
Another very important thing to remember is never let them even perceive that the son is more important to you than the daughter. This will mark the end of their support to each other. If the daughter get to feel that she is not so important in the family then she may be completely detached from her native family and be only attached to her husband and then later her family, and then her insecurity may create problems between her and her innocent brother who is not the culprit. EVen things like asking what color to paint the house, if you say that the son will know better - then you are implying that everything is for him ... never do that krishna replied. If there is only one child then it is important to know whether it is a daughter or son. Because not only that they grow up differently but also when in your later years when you are not well you are with your son who can take care of you. I am not saying daughters don' t do. But given the situation often daughters go away getting married to places where their husbands have to go. And then parents generally tend to be with their son. As a professor in a college an Art and Design college my experience is that when ever we have problem children, we end up going back to psychologists and we get the same story - that it is a single child, they want all the attention in a class, they want everything their way, they can' t adjust, they break down in no time, they can' t be disappointed, and so on single child is a problem always. When you take them to friends place that environment can' t be a substitute for your own house environment. So when there are two or more children belonging to the same space and parents then they have learn to adjust all the 24 hours. And that makes them very comfortable all their life. All they need to know is even in the real world everything is available in less ,... and we have to share, and that learn to be content with what on has got. This really goes a long way. R replied. My take on this:
1. In my old age when I am having any problems or let' s say when I die, only one person can understand my child' s emotions....that' s my second child.
2. Even though I do not want my child to take care of me and my spouse, if he/she insists, he/she will have 2 dependants. The ratio will be 1:2.
Mel replied. Research has shown that single children have a higher capability of excelling in life and in their careers. This is because they have a higher confidence level, because of the undivided attention showered on them by their parents.

I have a big brother, so I liked the idea of having 2 children. But, my husband is an only child, and he always rooted for a single child, since he says that you can do SO MUCH MORE FOR A SINGLE CHILD. There needn' t be any compromise. But, if you have 2 or more children, you have to take double measures of everything... healthcare, insurance, education, etc. Instead, give the best to one child.

But, I still wasn' t convinced. That' s when I started reading up on the topic. And I found out that all the discouraging stories about single children being selfish, maladjusted and all that nonsense... are all related to the way parents bring up children.

Research has proven that most single children are academically superior and do much much better in life that their counterparts with siblings.

So, now, I' m absolutely convinced about the merits of having just one kid. Give them the best of your time, attention, and care and watch as they blossom beyond what you could have imagined.

About loneliness, YOU have to take measures to ensure that he doesn' t get lonely. This could be by spending quality time with him for some part of the day, encourage him to meet other children his age, call them over for play dates, and take him to friends places for play dates, make sure he slowly gets into sports. Once kids get involved in sports, they invariably get very close to team members and develop close friends.