Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Friends,
Here is the story. I am really worried about it a lot. My 4 year old son behaves very cranky/stubborn some times(Many a times). To add upon that, my husband doesn' t have patience at all. My son is rough also i.e. the way he handles things Etc.
The problem is with my husband handling my son' s behavior. If things go worng from my son' s side, he just beats him like anything and he screams in high pitch at my son. I am totally against this act. The other day, when my son pulled out my husband' s chain(while playing), it came out with hook expanded. Just for that, my husband beated my son a lot and he had taken a bat to hit him. I just had to put all my strength to push him back. Telling my husband softly when he is angry doesn' t work out at all.
I have tried explaining my husband about consequences due to this behavior many a times. it never helped. I know, he has to work on his anger management. But he doesn' t accept it. His ego comes in between. Infact he scolds me a lot, saying i am spoiling our son by supporting him and not beating him. My parents never used to hit us. Though we used to behave cranky when were small, we became very good children with the time.
I am not sure, how is my husband brougt up. He wants to have full control on the kid. I have explained him offline very softly. It never works. Some times i protest by not talking to him for few days. But no effect at all.
My son can be easily managed just by raising voice. But, my husband gets so much angry that, he doesn' t have control on himself. When i went in-between to stop beating my son, i too had got some beatings accidentally. It was so painful for me. Just think of the impact of it on my son! That makes me feel so bad.
Very recently, when my husband beated my son, my son was saying, Amma lets give police complaint and they will take pappa and put him in jail. I don' t want such kind of clashes to happen at home. Don' t know who will understand this.
If i tell some elder person to advice my husband, i am sure things will worsen because of his ego.
When he is not angry, my husband is very nice to the kid. THey play nicely and spend good time together.
While getting his homewok done also, if my son makes mistakes, my husband scolds, beats the son.
I feel very sorry for my son and cry some times for the way my husband handles him.
Please help me to handle this........

Please help me and give suggestion on how to handle this.

priya replied. dear friend,
I can pretty well understand your situation.But there need to be a solution for this which you have to think very seriously.May be the way your husband was brought up is such or may be he is simply too much stressed out and letting it out in the form of frustration on your kid.Why don' t you take full control on your kid?The moment your husband begins to show signs of frustration,you and your kid just move away from infront of him and leave him alone.You behave with your son in such a way as if nothing had happened and try to make the whole situation light.Sometimes silence does all the talking and there is a chance for your husband to realise that all his anger is only leaving him lonely.If you sit crying and feeling sorry about your kid ,he will never grow up to be a normal individual.Its very important for a parent to protect one' s child' s self-respect and individuality. Lopa replied. I am shocked that you allow this to happen. A child is a gift from God. When he gives a man and a woman a child, it is with the understanding that they will love, nurture and protect the baby. When you let you husband raise his hand to your son, you' re not doing your job either. I' m not sure where you live, but where I live, this is an offence that' s punishable by law. It is a criminal offence. He is not much of a man if he' s taking his frustrations out on a helpless 5 year old. You need to be a lot more firm if you are going to change the situation. Your husband has to realize that there will be consquences to his actions. Your son is going to grow up thinking that hitting others is ok and he will pass it on to the people in his life later on. Is this the way you want to bring up your son???? Siya replied. This is awful. All your husband is doing is taking his agression, frustration out at this poor soul. Beating a 5 year child will not make him better, it will make him more stuborn and feeling of hatred in his heart for his father.
I am telling you this as my personal experience. My husband' s father used to hit him a lot when he was a child. My FIL had a very bad temper.
Result, my husband has no love for his father he never had any kind of good feeling for his father and to this date he remembers his father behaviour and has bad memories about them. Today FIL is old and is changed but damaged has been done. They never could have close relationship. My husband is very against violence towards children.
Raising a voice is fine but physical hurt is a torture and 5 year old does not deserve it.
Tell your husband to do some meditation or go excersice to take his agression out not beat the child. At the end it will be leave scars not on yur son' s body but on his soul also.