Planning a Baby  Discussion Forum

Hi,

I am TTC for past one year and couldnt . I am feeling depressed and in addition to that i started receiving comments from one of my Apt friends for whom i helped a lot during her delivery and even after that.
Just wanted to share my worst experience with you and need advice how to tackle such situation in future.
Last week we went to a party and she also came with her baby.at the end of the party started to play something.Two other friends used to play that in their office cube during lunch and they are a kind of experts and I never tried that.since it was my first attempt,all my arrows went outside the circle.That girl commented like,see since you dont ahve a baby you dont have concentration...whereas we all have baby and we could score well....What a stupid mind strategy she has....Not only this party...I have noticed in many other parties and this gal and her hubby would directly or indirectly tease us for not havinig kids..(I never told them that i am TTC and couldnt...I just maintain my previous words that we are planing still)

That girl was also under planning and since they were careless they got baby and she used to get fights with her husband during her first and mid trimester and would come to me and cry...and i would convince her....But now she started teasing me

I came home with lots of depression and anger...I couldnt reply anything to her on face...because if i reply back then it would make things further worse....I cried a lot and my husband also was noticing all thsese in the party and he convinced me at home...My husband is the only support i have...he is very nice man and he is fond of having our own baby...I feel like crying and couldnt concentrate on my day-to-day work.

How do i need to respond during such senseless creatures presence.As you all know i cant avoid parties...As it wouldnt help...i want to handle this on my own.

So please help me friends...

Lucky S M replied. Really really sorry to hear about that friend of yours.

Honestly she is nothing but a jerk.Sorry for that.

I know it is especially hard more so when you are in ttc and such people always pop up with their nonsensical comments.Its hard to ignore.

But when things start getting a l'il extreme as our friends have suggested ,I think you should tell her what you think.

If she has the right to ridicule your pain you too have the right to ridicule her.Do it exactly the same way she does ,I mean teasingly hit upon her weak points.

All the best.And keep your chin up.

Luv,
S M Roopa replied. Hey, lucky,

I just wanted to point out to you that your 'friend' might actually be envying you. Sounds difficult to believe I know, but really, people with kids get so exhausted and tired, they look with envy at people who dont yet have kids. They perhaps wish they had waited longet to have kids and also know ,in their hearts, that having kids isnt all it is cracked out to be. So, what do they do? They try to show off and put others down coz deep down , they are really miserable.

So, the next time she says anything rude to you, just smile and walk off. You know her secret!

Roopa karishma replied. dear,

These sort of people are fair weather friends. U pls. avoid these people upfront!!!

They just like to take u for a ride even when they hv gone thru an ordeal to hav a baby, isnt it!!

U chillax!! Dont bother abt. these people and live life to the fullest.

Just have faith in God. He does right things at the right time!!!

luv

karish

Roshni replied. Hi Lucky..First of all, you don't need to call such insensitive people \";your friend\";..How can one be so rude.. My advice is, next time when she says something insensitive like that, you tell her on her face that its so rude of her and you don't like such comments!!
You don't need to be answerable to anybody else about having or not having babies.
Just have faith in God, I am sure you will be blessed soon.
But please next time, tell that rude, ill-mannered lady that she doesn't have any right to comment on you. Once you tell her, she will stop, otherwise she will continue to run over you and take you for granted.
All the best and lots of babydust to you,
Take care,
Roshni Sunshine replied. hi Lucky,

Ok, I could tell you to ignore her and get on with your life, but I won't. Coz I can tell you one thing for sure, that by ignoring this, it's not going to go away and it isn't going to stop bothering you.
I have to agree on one thing that Suman said, that since we're in this situation the smallest things said can hurt big time.
But I will tell you one thing, even if your friend doesn't know about your problems, she has no right to be so judgmental with you.
I would suggest that a) you avoid her. b) Next time she says something like that, say \";Oh! I didn't know having kids made you Lord of Perfection\";.

While these may not improve matters, it will lead to two things, it will shut your friend up, and secondly, it will make u feel better.
You know the problem with us Indian girls is that right from childhood we're taught to tolerate. It's a good thing, I appreciate tolerance, it's a great virtue. But, when push comes to shove, we have to stand for ourselves.

Please don't let yourself become a door mat for someone elses' frustrations. It doesn't help.
Whatever you, say it sweetly and with a smile. Just let your tone convey what you think. like they say \";Meethi churi\";. I would not suggest that u avoid these parties, coz that would show fear. Face these people and walk out with your dignity intact.

Be cool, be strong, be bold. All the best to you.
Take care!
With lotsa love,
Sunshine suman replied. i think when we are trying and trying nothing happens, what ever others say even for fun, we take it seriously..those people may not realise it , when they teasing bcoz they never went throw that pain..so just chill out..i know it is not easy..i also go thorugh same problem.I stoped going to birthday partys, giving excuse saying directly on their face \";i don't have kids, i don't feel comfortable comig to your party, i hope you understand\";. kshama2 replied. Hi Lucky,

Really sad that friend of u'rs is commenting like, to whom u have helped so much. It is not good on her part to comment like this. She doesn't know that she is hurting u i guess.

Why do u have to care for her, ofcourse it hurts. But now just neglect her, it is beco'z she is biening like that. U have u'r nice husband with u, who is so encouraging. Just neglect her

luv
kshama