Parents of Preschoolers  Discussion Forum

Has someone ever given your child a present that bothered you? Swapna replied. Yes, and my reaction was not good and I was ashamed of myself. My youngest child was a foster child - in care for life. We could never adopt him because birth parents would not give permission. The birth mother visited him at times but he was 10 before he met the birth father. I had very little notice that this was about to happen, very little time to prepare my son. We arrived at the meeting place to find not only the birth father there but his current girlfriend (temporary girlfriend as it turned out) and her two children. Apparently she arranged this visit from another state to see ?his? son - with a beach holiday for her kids thrown in. He had never made the effort to find us or contact us. He claimed he had ?tried? but all he had to do was phone Family Services and ask. They both had piles of gifts for my son - in fact treated him as if he was a deprived child living in squalor. They were not interested in his family or his life of the type of person he was. One of the gifts was a full set of Roald Dahl books - from a grandmother we?d never heard of. Now I knew those books and my thoughts on Roald Dahl - not shared by others, I know - was that they were okay for adults but could have a negative effect on some children - and I knew my boy. I was so stressed, so angry with these ignorant people, so angry with Family Services for approving this sham of a visit - a Saturday with me present and the Sunday without me - and so concerned for my son, and so determined to declare MY authority in the situation - that I picked on those books as a way to express that. I said , ?You can take these back. I don?t like that author and I won?t let him read them?. My son didn?t notice - he was too busy with all the cars and trucks and new pairs of pajamas, and Lego sets he was opening. Yes. I wanted to show them that I WAS THE BOSS and this was MY son. And I felt ashamed right away. There is a part two and a part three to this story. At age 18 my son went looking for his past. I had expected this and did not stop him in any way. He found he could not get on with the birth mother so went another 1,000 miles to find the birth father he?d not seen since that visit - and actually lived with the birth father for about five years. That man got him hooked on drugs. Dragged him down as low as anyone can go. I lost touch with my boy for a few years, except for one phone call asking for money for a car - and I sent it, knowing it was not for a car. He has since told me how ashamed he felt about that but he owed the money to a bad person. Then one night he phoned me from the men?s toilet in a bar. He said he had just realised that while his birth father was 45 he lived like an out of control 17 year old and he (the son) had to make a change or he?d end up the same way. My boy did save himself. It took him another ten years. And he found someone to love and he got married and they had children. And he made contact with his natural father again because living in the same area they knew the same people. At times he would tell me that he was fed up with the old man because of his behavior and wasn?t speaking to him - but when the old man got stomach cancer and had three months to live ? guess who traveled 90 mins each way to visit the hospital every Sunday, with the children, and on the way home from work every Monday until the end. My son did. Edit. Thank you for the encouraging comments and all the upvotes - I am surprised. My personal feelings about Roald Dahl are my feelings and not a judgment on him as a writer. I have responded to some comments about this, so there is more info there. I request that this story not be shared outside Quora - it is my son?s story. I can?t go into more detail - just presented my part.