Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hello everyone, I am new to this website and I am hoping to find someone who will help me with my dilemma. I am Sikh and have been married into a Hindu family for 6yrs and have a 4yr old son. My marriage is going through a lot of turmoils presently. I live in a joint family which makes things worse. My in-laws are nice, but they are very demanding and conservative. Having lived in US for 18yrs my ideas/thinking is different than theirs. My husband is caring, but he is scared of his parents too. My dilemma is that now everyone is pressuring me to have another baby. I am a bit skeptical due to past experiences. When my son was born my in-laws and my husband isolated me totally. They would ridicule me and say stuff that would hurt me. I am a very sensitive person and due to all this I became a very possessive mother. I am not going to blame my in-laws or hubby completely for what had happened as I know that it takes two to make a mistake. I have talked to my husband about my fears and concerns and he has told me not to live in the past and start life fresh. I really don't know what to do. I know that I can change myself and maybe I can tell my husband to change, but I CANNOT change my in-laws behavior or attitude. Can someone please help me????
Thanks in advance!!!! sanju replied. It is very common in Indian culture to be pressurised by relatives to have a baby. If a couple is married for a year and don't have children they will start questioning. It is really embarrasing. In your case, you already have one child. You should probably be open and talk to your hubby about your concerns if you are not prepared to take this big step as of now. You said you live in the US. I know it is very difficult in the US when you have a baby as there is no help. You stated that your in-laws and hubby totally isolated you when your son was born. It can be a stressful situation for a woman especially when she has no support from loved ones. Is this prohibiting you from having another baby or is it just that you are not ready for a second child right now? May be you need some more time to get over your fears. I think pressure from your in-laws is also creating stress. Just ignore their remarks as they are conservative. It is for your hubby and you to decide the right time to have your second child. If he is okay with your concerns and understands you then you can take it easy. Just be calm. Cdina replied. Hi there,

I didnt understand the part with your past pregnancy and how it all went wrong.
pregnancy is a huge imbalance of hormones, a normally quite and understanding me had turned into a totral irritable and weepy person. Dont blame it on yourself.

a child is a very unique experiemce to happen to anyone.
First things first - do you and your husband want another child?there are certain pros and cons to it. try redaing some on the matter and decide on the matter. afterall it has long term implication on you, your husband and your child.

One point here is when you have another child, you will only increase your family! others maybe grandparents aunties and uncles but only you will be the mom. No one else.

When you are busy, the taunts and other small ridicules will easily be ignored. be confident of yourself.

Do good!