Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

I am a married 31 year old Marwari & have a 5 year old son.My problem is very strange.My wife if 27 years old & is quiet traditional in behavior & only wears a saree in the house or oulside.Now this is where the problem starts my son has this very bad habit of always sticking around my wife's waist.He always keeps his arms around it whenever he is around my wife with his face on it.I simply dislike it especially becos my wife wears a saree & so the impact is directly on her tummy.However the worst problem is still to come.Now whenever we sleep my wife makes him sleep first & then v go to sleep.Now what disgusts me is the way he sleeps.He has this habit of always lying on my wife's stomach with his face immersed on it & my wife for him keeps her stomach open shifting her saree just because he insists saying he likes the warmth.Now this is something i feel is vulguar.I have discussed this problem with my wife a lot of times before & she feels I am talking crazy.But I know what I am talking.Day before yesterday I even saw saliva around her belly button with teeth marks & we had a big arguement on it.I fail to understand more is what makes my son have such dirty habits at this age.Me talking to my wife anyway is not helping.So please suggest me something because this thing is making me go crazy day by day. Jasbir Chopra replied. Hello Sidhartha,
I think i have something to make u comfortable. I am a married guy of 34 and have two young sons too. Let me give u my own example. I had the same habit of sleeping with my mother with my face on her tummy and arms around her waist. It continued right upto the age of 20 or so. Rather Mom used to tease me by saying what will u do when u get married. U wont be sleeping with me. And, I used to say naheen mom i will sleep with u only. It was nothing dear except a warmth love and affection towards mother. I think u should not make an issue out of it. Yes but in todays world when people can afford to sleep in different rooms, u must make your son sleep in separate room. It may take some time but definitely he would out of this habit. As far as your argument with your wife is concerned, u should not held her responsible for the same because she wont and she should not accept what u r saying.
Bye, take care shub replied. What a disgusting father are you i cannot understand. Mother and children relationship are so unique. Children are like Shri Ganesha. They are so innocent. Why do u doubt your son. May be you can be more loving to him and try to make him sleep with u for sometime, telling him stories or songs. nancy replied. There is no prob with your son nor your wife. Dont create probs. It if a perfect motherly warmth which your son is sharing and with time it will go. You dont have to think it vulgar. Your mind is vulgar, you dont understand the difference between a mothers and sons fondleness you understand it only in terms of fantasies bcoz that is in your head not in your wifes head nor in your sons head.
I will still give you tips
1) buy a good toy for your son which he can cuddle one of the soft toys
2) let him put the toy to sleep and let him hold the toy and sleep
3) try telling your wife she would look lovely wearing one of the salwar suits and also encourage her to wear nightie which is the most comfortable wear
4) Love your son more and hug him more
5) let your son feel he is become big and try to make him independent
6) good understanding and patience will help getting angry and retaining vulgar thoughts will destroy family peace and more imp the son will not understand he will get confused that he is fondling his mom which is pure and good why is the dad objecting to it.
7)Hope this helps
All the best
sk replied. I honestly believe you are over reacting.I understand your son has a bad habit and should have been discouraged about this long time ago but it is not too late.He is probably very possessive about his mother though not in a sexual way.Anyway he is old enough to sleep on his own in a separate room.So do it and gently discourage him from putting his hands around her waist.Also explain to your wife that this behavior embarasses you and so she should also discourage your son from doing this.