Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

hai
i am a teacher in uk.my hubby is ateacher as well.my problem is with my inlaws and brother in laws.few minutes before we called home my inlaws didnt talked to me.i dont care.they want our money only.before marriage my husband used to spent all his money for them. after marriage he brought me here.then we brought a house. my inlaws r retired .i have a brother in law.he has no job and he is after politics with no earnings at all.every month we r senting almost 10,000/rs.but they thinks that they deserves more.they want to buy new new things to their only daughter.they dont want toi know how we r living in this country with so many bills to pay ,mortgages,bankloans,etc.before i came to live with my husband, i stayed with my inlaws.that was terrific.i sufferred so much.now we r planning to go for holidays on december.i am sure they will illtreat me. my huband is helpless.he dont want to make his parents sad so i dont know what to do.i cant go and stay with my parents because after marriage i am supposed to stay in husbands house.they will abuse me i am sure of that. please help me KAVITA replied. Devi

U should get down to discussing matters with your husband. He needs to realise that his brother too needs to support the family like he does. Tell him that if you people get bankrupt ( bhagwaan na kare) who will help you then? shelly replied. Hi devi,
i also had to undergo the same thing. we are in india and both of us are s/w engrs. My BIL is a clerk in a govt office and his wife is a housewife.. so naturally my BIL and MIL think that we have a lot of money and she asked my hubby to pay her 10,000 rs per month. this is after they have their own house and we are staying on rent and they also have a second hand car and we are still paying loan for ours. it took me a lot of courage and patience to make my husband understand that we cant just let go our hard earned money and should only give them the money when they really need it. we have for teh time being stopped as i had a son and we are planning to buy our own flat and need money for that.. but my husband has plans to start giving again once we settle down. and this is after my MIL did not give me my jwellery which I had been given by my mom. she kept our new tv(gifted to me by my hubby on my bday) and after my hubby argued a lot she gave us an old one. they are all so demanding.. but thank god my husband understands and apart from his wanting to give some money to them every month we have a peaceful and a life full of love and respect and my husband also respects my family as they have always supported us unselfishly. So, i have now learned not to worry so much abt money and treat it as a charity and be happy with my husband and son. after all peace of mind is everything.. but it was really hard coming to this point. i had to undergo 1 full year of tension. Cdina replied. and when you are back form your vaccation, do tell us how it wnet! nad how you gave bak good to your in-laws!

This forum could use some success stories too!

Goodluck! Cdina replied. First stop being afraid!
Sometimes wen we are afraid, we tend to look at things with a magnifying glass.
Take a deep breath. sit down. Ask your husband to sit down. Tell him sincerely how scared you are. I am sure he will help you.
Sit down together and prepare an action plan. Chart how many days you shoudl stay at both places. be fair make it 50-50 to start with.
Make one day for husband to visit your parents too.

There is nothing wrong in this. This is only fair. If your husband accepts this then you shouldnt be afraid at all.

What will happen in a worse off scenario? you will have a fight with his parents and end up at our parents place for the rest of the vaccation! So? fine.

think about your favourite actoress in a dynamic -women movie. how would she act? or your friend. Who is a fair, but strong too when it comes to such issues. Make her a role model.

Never be unfair, but be strong too.
Good luck.