Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hello ladies (Friends) how are you all doing? I have a problem, my brother-in-law and his wife were seperated about 3 years and it's been about 1 1/2 years since they got back and now they have a baby girl. Anyways when they first got married, me and his wife we really became good friends and she used to consult in me and tell me everything, basically I was her shoulder to cry on. Her and the her husband were having problems, he never really communicated with her and he would come home late at night when he would be out with his friends, he never really took her anywhere, etc. So things happend and they got separated, I still kept in touch with her because I know it was my BILs fault. He (my BIL) never liked the fact that I still kept in touch with her, she moved in with her parents in New York, so we would call each other up and write to oneanother (I also live in the States) anyways so my and my BIL got into an arguement over me keeping in touch with her so we didn't talk to eachother, my husband supported me all the way, my BIL lives with my in-laws and we live separatly. Anyways we finally got the two together and they resolved their differences, but what really hurts is that she to this day has not told her husband (My BIL) that I did not give her bad advice and that I was only there to lend a shoulder, cause her husband thinks that it was my fault for their separation. I told her she better tell him it was not my fault. Anyways I don't really go over to the house as much, only on special occasions, and also he will not talk to me, he will talk to me if he is drunk only, like we go to family gatherings she will come up and say hello but he will look at me and turn arounnd, I mean you tell me what did I do wrong, I mean they are back together, and they have a beautiful girl and are happy so why is he still bitter with me. My in-laws are on my side and they try explaining to him but he refuses to listen to anyone. So do you think that I am doing the right thing by not getting involved with them and only going over when it is necessary, cause I am very happy with my life and busy with my kids, and the in-laws will come over and visit. Also every since she came back and had a kid she has not called me once. When we attend funtions I feel really left out when he doesn't say hello to me but will say hello to everyone else. What should I do....thanks for listening. kavita replied. You should not really get upset over this matter. In fact,just concentrate on your own life. The very fact that u have ur hubby n in-laws supporting u means u are not at fault. Live ur own life and don't bother about ur bil. What can u expect of a man who never paid heed to his own wife's emotions? He's selfish and let him be that way. As for ur sil, leave her alone too. She'll come around when she's lonely again. anika replied. Pls don't worry...forget about it. The bottom line is they are happy and together...let them be.
You were a real nice person to SIL when she needed u....now maybe she doesn't want to upset her hubby and spoil her marriage by talking to you(since her hubby is still holding a grudge). Give them space.
You need to realise you are being made the scrape goat. It is easier to blame you for his mistakes and from the sounds of it that is what is being done. I know you must be feeling hurt.
But from now on you ignore him and let her and him come to you. If not just treat them as causal acquataince. It will be rough, but sometimes you need to give people space and let them take the first step to heal realtions.
Take satisfaction in the fact that your hubby and in laws support you. CDina replied. try getting them two together and have a face off for the last time. explain your situation, both being there all will be in the open. after that trust god. if you are lucky they will be with you or if you are lucky again, they wont!!
good luck nancy replied. Dear 123,
Dont worry at all, it has happened with me also. Maybe the husband and told his wife that if she speaks to you he feels annoyed and that she should totally stop talking then only he and she can be happy therefore maybe she is doing this. I fully agree she is being selfish.
It should not matter to you, bcoz its not necessary that what good you do should be returned by the same people, it will be returned to you by some other people and this works believe me. It worked for me. Forget them. You did good for them now leave them alone coz they dont need you.
Be happy that you could fetch happiness for someone. Leave it that you spend hrs of your time listening and now when the time for apprehension has come people show their back.
Accept a fact of life that people need good things to be done to them only bcoz they lack it.
I hope you got the msg.
Enjoy