How are you doing? It really feel nice to share our feelings with someone. Atleast we have some one to listen to. Though at times I am able to face the humiliation and insult with which my MIL treats me but there are many times I feel low. I am feeling very sad today. My husband knows that his mother hates me, she does not even offer me food or water, does to talk to me at all still he wants me to be with pallly with her. Call her regulary and maintain a cordial relationship. How can I do that? She ignores me to the extent as if I do not exist at home, will make food for her and not for me and all that crap things yet he wants me to behave like a dutiful DIL saying that she is elder to me and I should ignore. I do not have that big heart, that someone treat me lke dog and I should still treat like my own mother. He wants me to call her but if I do so, she does not come over the ph instead tell my husband that I do not call her. All the time she tries to do some trick or the other to make me and my husband fight. I am just tired of this. Feeling very low so venting out here. In case you have some suggestion to help me, pls pls do
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How are you doing? It really feel nice to share our feelings with someone. Atleast we have some one to listen to. Though at times I am able to face the humiliation and insult with which my MIL treats me but there are many times I feel low. I am feeling very sad today. My husband knows that his mother hates me, she does not even offer me food or water, does to talk to me at all still he wants me to be with pallly with her. Call her regulary and maintain a cordial relationship. How can I do that? She ignores me to the extent as if I do not exist at home, will make food for her and not for me and all that crap things yet he wants me to behave like a dutiful DIL saying that she is elder to me and I should ignore. I do not have that big heart, that someone treat me lke dog and I should still treat like my own mother. He wants me to call her but if I do so, she does not come over the ph instead tell my husband that I do not call her. All the time she tries to do some trick or the other to make me and my husband fight. I am just tired of this. Feeling very low so venting out here. In case you have some suggestion to help me, pls pls do
Mel replied. Varun, first of all stop being so spiteful. Not all your five fingers are alike. Similarly not all MILs are kind and caring, and not all DILs are manipulative. And as per your ridiculous curse....
THAT DILS WHO DO ALL THIS WILL ENDURE THE SAME, BY THE SAME LOGIC, THE MILS MUST HAVE DONE THE SAME PAAP TO HAVE DILS TROUBLING THEM, RIGHT? Or didnt that occur to you?
Varun, there are many DILs who try to adjust and be kind to their MILs. I have done the same. I met her when I was 16 years old, and she called me every bad name in the book because she wanted me out of her sons life. YET, I WAS TOO NAIVE AT THAT TIME, and I never even told my husband about it. But, there is a GOD above, and everything came to light by my MILs own hand.
Look, what you are saying is right... that serving ILs is a good thing. No one is debating that. But, you don' t know what is transpiring in one person' s house. THere are many MILs who feel jealous of the fact that the son is now married, they can never accept that fact. And they are VERY MANIPULATIVE THEMSELVES. They act kind and caring in front of the FIL and Son, and are mean and spiteful behind. What about that ?
Please don' t generalise ! And please don' t curse.
varun replied. FYI its the duty of the DIL to cook and serve food for MIL and not the other way around. So , don' t have unreasonable expectations from MIL & stop abusing her for she seems to be the victim.
Who are these people who are offering you the advice to be a manipulative DIL . They are asking you to play tricks so that the hubby fights with his parents and supports you. Can' t they tolerate the love of the man for his parents , it seems that majority of the home-wreckers have joined this website for the sole purpose of ruining their poor in-laws lives.
Sick , demented souls how can one think like that ,how shameful.
Why do woman feel that the husband should be on their side and not his parents , why should he sever all his ties with his family just because a woman has now entered his life who wants to dominate him & torture his family till eternity.
To all such evil & wicked women , the message :
you will go through the same stages one day & when your own children will grow up & disrespect you and hurt you , then you will understand what it means to have a hubby on a wife' s side.
What a unjust ,mean , wicked , sinister , evil thought.
God save the man & his family from such evil women ( I mean whosoever harbour such nasty thoughts in their minds ) who enter as sweet , innocent brides with the sole aim of wreaking havoc in the poor man' s & his parents life.
Why is it that most of the DILs are cribbing on this site and not MILs , its not because the MILs are domineering but its the DILs who seem to be more fierce & violent .
Let shed the stupid stereotypes image of evil parents-in-law that seems to be fixated in the mind of may people especially women.
Such women are happy as long as the husband is their puppet/ slave but if he obeys his parents he is labelled as
a mama' s boy or ' pyjama' who can' t stand up for his wife.
A wife & kids are extension of the existing family not a separate family .
Why then majority of such women want to play the divide & rule policy in their houses.
Every man needs to understand one thing:
if his wife disrespects his family then she is actually disrespecting him and evntually he will also not be spared.
Highly shameful & pathetic advice & thoughts by some women. And , please think twice before posting such sick queries here.
Mel replied. Visited the boards after a long time, and saw your post.
To begin with, if you want to get anywhere with this issue, you need to have your husband on your side. If he is on his family' s side, this is a losing battle for you.
I agree to an extent, with what Ali says. In front of your husband be very kind and courteous to your ILs. And when he is not around, ignore them and stay away.
Second thing, sit him down and tell him, that you are a human being, and you have feelings. And only out of love for him, you are tolerating what no human would have tolerated, NOT EVEN HIM. Ask him if he were to be treated this way by your parents, would he shut up and be respectful. Speak calmly and kindly. Tell him that you will tolerate all this, but in return he needs to let you vent out to him, i.e. you should be able to tell him what has transpired so that he can be a support for you. Since you DO NOT want to involve your parents or any friends in this. Ask him to be sympathetic and atleast hear you out.
This accomplishes two things. One you get to vent out your feelings. And two, he gets to know about all their tactics. But, when you complain, be general, don' t insult or say anything negative about your ILs. Just STATE THE FACTS.
Tell him exactly what happened. And leave it at that. He will realise what is going on.
And don' t complain everyday. Do it once in a while, when it is serious.
All the best. Many of us are in the same boat. We have to figure out how to get out along with our husbands.
Ali replied. Even though if you don' t like, acting is very beneficial. If you don' t like also try to adapt for acting
1)In quarrels I feel that instead of talking and arguing Just feel as if you are dumb and say only 1 sentence....
\" You are elders and I respect elders that' s why I don' t want to argue and if a mother ( I mean here you are saying your mother in law as mother) says like this what can I speak.
If any quarrel happens say this word and keep silent. don' t open your mouth at any cost. If it takes years and every day repeat that word and keep silent.
1. call and act infront of your husbnad that you like her, Eventhough you doesn' t,,,,( after 6 months or 1 year they will change or your husbnad will be frustrated to see their parents behaviour). If your inlaws are really good they will change. Othewise you call them and talk to them nicely infront of your husband. when your husbnad leaves for office just keep silent if they are bad, Ignore them as if you are alone at home, Don' t use bad words even though they use. Just act so much hapiness in your face and do your work. ......................
The above things from your point of view is difficult, But I did it and got results. But that behaviour is you know the best remedy for your inlaws.
Family is also like a kingdom, you need to be a intelligent minister and intelligent steps to follow. Eventhough we don' t like primeministers from other countries Our prime minister has to behave and act like ,,,infront of the world that we want to be friends with them
patience is very imp
2011-04-15
#1
Name: Mel Subject: Hi varun
Varun, first of all stop being so spiteful. Not all your five fingers are alike. Similarly not all MILs are kind and caring, and not all DILs are manipulative. And as per your ridiculous curse....
THAT DILS WHO DO ALL THIS WILL ENDURE THE SAME, BY THE SAME LOGIC, THE MILS MUST HAVE DONE THE SAME PAAP TO HAVE DILS TROUBLING THEM, RIGHT? Or didnt that occur to you?
Varun, there are many DILs who try to adjust and be kind to their MILs. I have done the same. I met her when I was 16 years old, and she called me every bad name in the book because she wanted me out of her sons life. YET, I WAS TOO NAIVE AT THAT TIME, and I never even told my husband about it. But, there is a GOD above, and everything came to light by my MILs own hand.
Look, what you are saying is right... that serving ILs is a good thing. No one is debating that. But, you don' t know what is transpiring in one person' s house. THere are many MILs who feel jealous of the fact that the son is now married, they can never accept that fact. And they are VERY MANIPULATIVE THEMSELVES. They act kind and caring in front of the FIL and Son, and are mean and spiteful behind. What about that ?
Please don' t generalise ! And please don' t curse.
2011-04-06
#2
Name: varun Subject: MIL
FYI its the duty of the DIL to cook and serve food for MIL and not the other way around. So , don' t have unreasonable expectations from MIL & stop abusing her for she seems to be the victim.
Who are these people who are offering you the advice to be a manipulative DIL . They are asking you to play tricks so that the hubby fights with his parents and supports you. Can' t they tolerate the love of the man for his parents , it seems that majority of the home-wreckers have joined this website for the sole purpose of ruining their poor in-laws lives.
Sick , demented souls how can one think like that ,how shameful.
Why do woman feel that the husband should be on their side and not his parents , why should he sever all his ties with his family just because a woman has now entered his life who wants to dominate him & torture his family till eternity.
To all such evil & wicked women , the message :
you will go through the same stages one day & when your own children will grow up & disrespect you and hurt you , then you will understand what it means to have a hubby on a wife' s side.
What a unjust ,mean , wicked , sinister , evil thought.
God save the man & his family from such evil women ( I mean whosoever harbour such nasty thoughts in their minds ) who enter as sweet , innocent brides with the sole aim of wreaking havoc in the poor man' s & his parents life.
Why is it that most of the DILs are cribbing on this site and not MILs , its not because the MILs are domineering but its the DILs who seem to be more fierce & violent .
Let shed the stupid stereotypes image of evil parents-in-law that seems to be fixated in the mind of may people especially women.
Such women are happy as long as the husband is their puppet/ slave but if he obeys his parents he is labelled as
a mama' s boy or ' pyjama' who can' t stand up for his wife.
A wife & kids are extension of the existing family not a separate family .
Why then majority of such women want to play the divide & rule policy in their houses.
Every man needs to understand one thing:
if his wife disrespects his family then she is actually disrespecting him and evntually he will also not be spared.
Highly shameful & pathetic advice & thoughts by some women. And , please think twice before posting such sick queries here.
2011-05-31
#3
Name: NM Subject: Mr. Varun
If you think you are a humand being above being a MAN, just think once from a human prespective. Dont you think when a man marries does he has some responsibility towards the lady who left everyone just for him? Even though he see his own mother giving food to all the members in house expect the DIL? The DIL being ignored as if she does not exist. Her job is to leave for work at 7 AM come home by 9 PM and do every single bit and yet being called as nasty? Can you imagine how a women carry baby in her womb for 9 months, then give birth and the same moment she is called as ill fated mother who gave birth to a girl, and hence is not even allowed to touch her baby.
She is forced to do household work on the second day of delivery so that she does not get time at all to be with baby? Do you think God will spare such MIL? Is this behaviour justified ?After bearing such torture for 3 years if a DIL stands up to her rights is that wrong?
You wont even understand this, is a MIL only a mother??? are we DIL not a wife or a mother?
Varun, the DIL´ s are also someone else daughter, above all a human being. We all ladies out here as DIL, never learnt to hurt our In Laws, infact we all want to live in peace and let live our in laws too. Just that we all wants the man we married to stand for us of we are correct, even if he cannot stand, just undestand us and a shoulder to lean on, instead you all men just curse your wife.
You said it correct. God is seeing eveything, if we are wrong we will sure get the results. and if we are being treated wrong, then God does see this also.
2011-05-23
#4
Name: Nah Subject: Hi Mr. Sick oh... sorry its... Mr. Varun
U guys hav such good names but nature stands the opposite.... i liked one thing u said " A wife & kids are extension of the existing family not a separate family ." ... so.... so y treat then as separate entities.... every DIL loves to give love and respect and take affection and respect in return..
when things go wrong in the first place then everything else is going to be a mess....
I live with my MIL and husband..... and my MIL has loved me more than my own mom.... i cant live without her and dont even like going to my mother´ s house much since i know she isnt going to b around for a day or two..
u also commented " Sick , demented souls how can one think like that ,how shameful." Tell this to ur sister or daughter if u hav any.... when they suffer at the hands of their in laws.... ppl like u learn the hard way so be it....
2010-09-16
#5
Name: Mel Subject: Hi NM
Visited the boards after a long time, and saw your post.
To begin with, if you want to get anywhere with this issue, you need to have your husband on your side. If he is on his family' s side, this is a losing battle for you.
I agree to an extent, with what Ali says. In front of your husband be very kind and courteous to your ILs. And when he is not around, ignore them and stay away.
Second thing, sit him down and tell him, that you are a human being, and you have feelings. And only out of love for him, you are tolerating what no human would have tolerated, NOT EVEN HIM. Ask him if he were to be treated this way by your parents, would he shut up and be respectful. Speak calmly and kindly. Tell him that you will tolerate all this, but in return he needs to let you vent out to him, i.e. you should be able to tell him what has transpired so that he can be a support for you. Since you DO NOT want to involve your parents or any friends in this. Ask him to be sympathetic and atleast hear you out.
This accomplishes two things. One you get to vent out your feelings. And two, he gets to know about all their tactics. But, when you complain, be general, don' t insult or say anything negative about your ILs. Just STATE THE FACTS.
Tell him exactly what happened. And leave it at that. He will realise what is going on.
And don' t complain everyday. Do it once in a while, when it is serious.
All the best. Many of us are in the same boat. We have to figure out how to get out along with our husbands.
2010-08-19
#6
Name: Ali Subject: Try this way it makes wonders
Even though if you don' t like, acting is very beneficial. If you don' t like also try to adapt for acting
1)In quarrels I feel that instead of talking and arguing Just feel as if you are dumb and say only 1 sentence....
\" You are elders and I respect elders that' s why I don' t want to argue and if a mother ( I mean here you are saying your mother in law as mother) says like this what can I speak.
If any quarrel happens say this word and keep silent. don' t open your mouth at any cost. If it takes years and every day repeat that word and keep silent.
1. call and act infront of your husbnad that you like her, Eventhough you doesn' t,,,,( after 6 months or 1 year they will change or your husbnad will be frustrated to see their parents behaviour). If your inlaws are really good they will change. Othewise you call them and talk to them nicely infront of your husband. when your husbnad leaves for office just keep silent if they are bad, Ignore them as if you are alone at home, Don' t use bad words even though they use. Just act so much hapiness in your face and do your work. ......................
The above things from your point of view is difficult, But I did it and got results. But that behaviour is you know the best remedy for your inlaws.
Family is also like a kingdom, you need to be a intelligent minister and intelligent steps to follow. Eventhough we don' t like primeministers from other countries Our prime minister has to behave and act like ,,,infront of the world that we want to be friends with them
patience is very imp
2010-09-13
#7
Name: NM Subject: Hi Ali
Hi Ali, Thank you so much fot your supportive words. Yes I do follow what you have said but at times I just loose my patience and answer back to my husband. my In laws have nothing else just to pick up something or the other to create a scene between us. They ask my SIL and BIL do the same and my poor husband. He just see one side of the coin, my be I have complained a lot abt his family cause I could not stop myself at times. Like they even force me not to meet my parents and all.We had a huge fight last week, but now I have decided to stay mum and let my husband watch and understand. I even keep distance from him. Hope one day he will there true colors. My MIL is a big issue she is the one only. She just wants my husband to beat me, abuse me and she enjoys that. Let see...but I will follow your words:)
All tips on Parents of Schoolgoers
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& Answers to Topic : Hi PP and Mel..pls help
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All tips on Parents of Schoolgoers
You ever wanted in one place.
No need to go anywhere else.
& Answers to Topic : Hi PP and Mel..pls help
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All tips on Parents of Schoolgoers
You ever wanted in one place.
No need to go anywhere else.
I feel that my husbands parents are using their son. My husband is from India and I am from the USA. He obtained his greencard and citizenship through me after coming here. He is a physician and obtained his residency training. I worked to earn for our family for two years until he got his job. Then he applied for his parents to visit us on a visiting visa. We were both wo... - Tina Shah [View Message]
RE:self centered inlaws
I agree they have completely double standards as I recently found out. I saw my husbands childhood photos when he was young. His parents claim they sacrificed everything for their kids and lived poor and behave like martyr parents. Got treated as free domestic servant. But the photos showed them dressed like Bollywood stars with watches and jewellery enjoying their life. O... - Tina [View Message]
RE:self centered inlaws
Karma has no menu. You get served what you deserve. ... - Tina [View Message]
RE:Jadu on food?
Hi , I am facing the same thing.. I married my husband and we are not only from different caste but also different country. My in-laws are so nice to me on face but I can sense the jealousy and that inferiority majorly in my mother in law and my sister in law.. I never had such doubts but I experienced pain sadness , depression while they use to be nice .. and it was confu... - Noname [View Message]
RE:Mother-in-law spoiling my child
hello kajal,
if you are rudely talking with her, then this is not way to talking with your mother in law, you tell her in polite way, your son is her grand son, so she never think about his bad effects.... - ruchita [View Message]
RE:Mother-in-law spoiling my child
hello kajal,
stop your negative thinking towards your mother in law, she is your son grand mother too, so if she gave some sweet like sugar to him its just because of her love towards him.... - reshma [View Message]
RE:Mother-in-law spoiling my child
hello kajal,
if you are dont like your mother in law behaviour then tell her on face, that you dont whenever she gave sugar to her son, so she may be stop giving sugar to him, and your porblem will be sort out.... - kamna [View Message]
Hi varun
MIL
Name: NM
Mr. Varun
Try this way it makes wonders
Hi Ali
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