Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi Mel,

I am back again with my share of problems:( Life can' t be stable even for a short while for me. I am so much tird now.
Few days back I posted abt my in laws issues and said they are gone. I had kept my daughter in day care and was working in shifts along with my husband. Now the day care lady is gone to US and I am working out to find another one. I have opted to work part time for 2-3 months, but my husband wants my in laws back. He knows very well that we dont gel togather, yet he is adament that it is his duty to take care of his parents. I agree to that but that does not mean we will have to ruin our peace inlife. My in laws went back and created a big issue saying that I do not call them often. Its been only 2 weeks they are gone and they expect me to call them everyday. Whereas they never call me and instead call at my daughter daycare to find out how she is. Even when they were here they never left any momemnt go where they can insult me or prove I was wrong. Hundereds of tauntrum everyday. They just want us to live the way they have lived. How can I live my life like that I too have my own choices. They are extermly interfering. I seriously do not understand how shall I make my husband understand. He just listens to there complains and come back to me scolding all the time. Usless fights we have just because they keep on saying something or the other against me to him. My husband elder brother also keeps on finding ways to send his parents to us so that he can live in peace. I think that we both should be responsible not we alone. Also I need to makemy husband understand that after marriage I left my family and give them priority and do so much for them. But I cant let go off my self respect. His family do not bother to call me and still he insist me to be pally and call them every now and then. I know the situation wont improve unless my husband is on my side. and I do not want to live in joint family, they will ruin my peace. my MIL is such wicked lady she just do not want to see my daughter and me togather. I want to leave my job and give sometime to my daughter see her growing. I concieved after 1 yr of fertlity tests and strglle. But my in lwas are so money minded people they say dont leave job give your daughter to us and we will take care. I dont want to do this. My husband do not support me...but at no cost i will give my daughter to them...Dont know what to do...pls help me plss... Ali replied. few things are important to get a place in your husband' s heart
1. upto 5 years don' t stop him from sending money to their parents. If he for gets remind him that you are late it' s difficult for them with out money and try to force him to send money or gifts on festivals, A mother likes it so send it use like that words.
2. If you don' t want to give your daughter to inlaws and want to take care of daughter, Then explain with good reasons to your husband( don' t bring motherinlaw in your words)
3. you call your mother every day or twice or thrice in a week, Like that you also call your mother inlaw , even though if you don' t like just act. It gives good impression about you in your husband' s heart.

Inlaws brought up your husbnad upto 25 years, why he has to listen to us. We have to make him listen to us, with our unconditional love , If necessary a little act smitha replied. Hi Namratha,
I can understand your situation.
see i too am working and have a four year old son and am pregnant with my second.
Right from the beginning i was constantly trying to manage my career and family.My husband is understanding but he is like all other men also.During a crisis he will ask me to sacrifice my career for the family and is never really bothered about how i will feel to loose my career.so whatever arrangement is to be done to care for my son is done by me...my hubby agrees eventually and supports financially.
initially he would also say its good to have his parents with us.i though am in good terms with my inlaws,is never happy at that thought.my inlaws are also happy to just pay visits for short durations and go back to their place.so they never stayed with us permanently.
it helped in two ways..we still are in very good terms,they can never say they sacrificed their happiness for me or my baby and though there are crisis times,i am also happy with the arrangements i make and my son is a happy child(touch wood).we have peace at home...
in my case i never opted for daycare centers and prefer to keep reliable domestic helps...worked for me.and hope it will continue to work.
Best of luck to you.
smitha