Name: panicked
I am a silent reader of this board. I have been married for 8 years. We have a six year old son and pregnant with my second child.He is from India and i am from Canada. (i know it is a big different). not an easy adjustment.
I just don´ t understand one thing why are Indian men so attached to their mothers.Just one day after i got married to my husband, we had gone to the mall. I am walking ahead and he is walking behind me with his mother. People are stopping her and telling her that, " you should let your son walk with is wife" What on earth is his problem?
When i was in India, i was washing dishes and my husband´ s mother comes into the kitchen and says, " beta, you should wash dishes like this." i told her that, " mama, i feel comfortable to wash the dishes the way that i am washing them." i told her this in a nice, polite way. What did i say that was so wrong in this? my husband´ s mother was sniffling or blowing her nose or something. Maybe for this reason, my husband´ s father thought she was crying. When my husband came back from his town where he works, his father told him what had happened. The next thing i know is i was in my room and my husband comes running to our room and asks." Did you make my mother cry?" I told him, " of course not" This happened close to a year after i got married to him. His father was doing nothing, but trying to put difference between my husband and me.It has been seven years since that has happened but it hurts so much every time i think of it.
This is not all, once he told me that if i ever stop his mother from interfering. i will NOT leave you, but i will never talk to you and i will also live in the same house. Can anyone believe that?
His mother is always telling him that a women needs to give her love and affection to her husband and then she will only get it back from. that is just garbage. Why should it always be the wife who gives her love and effection to her husband first. Should a women not get her husband´ s love and affection? I just don´ t understand why the wife has to make all the sacrifices for her husband. Then men should also make sacrifices for his wife. I mean husband and wife are supposed to be equal in a marriage. Right???
She also says that in order for a women to be happy in a married life, she must leave her family and move on and start a new family. What makes her think that if men don´ t leave their families, then he will have a happy, married life? That is just garbage that she is saying. She is a hypocrite. If woman are expected to leave their families after marriage, then so should men. Why should poor women leave their families while men get to cling onto their families.
I am having my baby in May. My husband is planning to call his parents here for the delivery. i really don´ t want them here. i cannot tolerate them. My 6 year old son is really thin. and my husband´ s mother blames me for him being thin. She says i didn´ t eat " punjari" when i was nursing him. Oh god! she is so ignorant! She does not realize that all punjari does is make a person fat. What about that other weight i gained during my pregnancy that i need to loose? Are there not other healthy foods that i can eat to help my baby gain weight while i am nursing him? She is so ignorant that she does not realize that when a child is fat or thin, it also matters on the child´ s genes. both me and my husband are very thin, so it does run in the genes.
i took my son to the doctor and i asked him that my son is under weight and how can i get him to gain weight? My son´ s doctor literally started laughing at me. he told me that, " your son is not underweight, he is a perfect healthy baby boy." when my son was born, he was close to 7 lbs.
now i am having a baby girl. There is a ritual of feeding the baby honey.Since his parents will be here, he wants his mother to feed my daughter the honey. I do not want that!!! I cannot stand his mother. Even before
deciding this, my husband should have enough respect for his wife to at least ask me if it is OK that he let his mother feed my baby honey. He tells me that he thought this was already obvious to me. I don´ t get it! how was this suppose to be obvious to me? Why does these Indian men treat their wives with some respect of discussing things with their wife.
One thing for sure is that his mother is always saying that he/my husband is her son. I gave him birth and so and so. A mother has the most right on her child. The baby stayed in his/her mother´ s tummy for nine months. It is the mother who went through all the pain to bring her baby in this world, so obviously she should have the most right. Then, this also should go for me right? She is such a hypocrite and full of double standards!
One thing i know for sure is that every child has love and respect for his parents and by all means he/she should. But when he gets married and brings home a wife, he should not expect from her that what feelings he has for his parents, that she should also have the same feelings. That is just not possible! That is unrealistic and irrational. i also don´ t think that it should be forced on girls to realize that her husband´ s parents raised him with such pain and hardships. do men realize that the girl´ s parents went through so much to raise their daughter and your wife? Her parents went through the same pain. Why should women realize it!
My husband´ s side are vegetarians. My husband´ s mother is always telling him NOT to feed my son non vegetarian food even though my son is here and they are in India. oh my god! it is inevitable for him to not eat non veg. when he is being raised in the states. He is going to want to eat it after he sees other children eating non veg.He is my son, not hers! This is non of her business! the more she gets after us of not feeding my son non veg., the more i want to feed it to him. There are times when i take my son out and feed him some chicken. The more she says to her son to not feed my son non veg., the more i get provoked to feed my son non veg. food. His dad does not know about it.Tell me folks am i being immature or doing something wrong?
I bought some clothes for my daughter. He is showing the clothes to his mother on the web cam. like why? what is his problem? what is the need to show his mother? is there anything between me and my husband that only me and him know. Every itty bitty thing , he has to tell his mother. His mother asks him everyday what did i cook for dinner. it is so annoying!
My husband´ s brother lives in Australia. He has been there for the past four years. He has never thought even once to call his parents down there to Australia. He is not even married and does not have a family to raise while on the other hand, my husband is married and has one son and is expecting his second child. they come here and spend so much of his money. They don´ t think even once that we are spending our sons money which he has worked hard to earn.
They say they are coming here for the delivery. On top of that, he says to them, " all the stuff you need to get from here, i will get for you." They also plan to go out on holidays, I mean out of the state. I don´ t understand if they are coming here for the delivery, then why are they talking about shopping and going out on holidays?
if they are coming here, then they should spend their whole time here on the delivery or the baby?
I can´ t believe his mom even has the nerves to ask her son if he is going to take them anywhere.
i just don´ t understand if they are coming here to spend their sons money. They should not say we are coming their for the delivery and taking care of me. This is just an excuse!!
Another thing that is just irritating me is that my husband´ s younger brother is engaged and the girl is in India. I am sure without a shadow of a doubt, she will think that i am here in U.S and i should take something for my to be Daughter in law. I really don´ t mind sending her anything. The only thing that bothers me is that she is going to use all my husband´ s money to buy her something and then on top of it, she is going to tell her to be daughter in law that she bought it for her. If her daughter in law sends something for me or my children, then i don´ t mind even to send something for her. I mean i am going to have my baby in may, the least she can do is send something for my baby girl? Should she not send something or am i just overreacting?
I thought that a parents love should be UN conditional and parents should not expect anything in return but not in my husband´ s case. My husband´ s parents are selfish. i know one thing for sure that when my children grow up, i am not going to expect even a single penny from them.
Why don´ t the parents think that when we spend our sons money, what will his wife think? Why don´ t they think that we are spending our son´ s money which he has worked hard to earn?. i would never do that to my son.
One thing i don´ t understand is that they have a problem with the clothes i wear. For god´ s sake, i was raised outside of India. when i was there in India, i use to wear clothes that pretty much covered my whole body like suits and jeans. Now when they come here, can they not understand that the clothes that i wear are of today´ s fashion? I should wear clothes according to the fashion here in US And they need to broaden their horizons on the country they have come to visit. They are such ignorant people!!! Can´ t they change and adapt to what goes on here? why do i have to change myself just for those people? They can´ t even change!
one thing i know for sure is that any girl that is married to a guy in India and he is NOT a Mama´ s boy, that girl is the most luckiest girl in the world.
i am so sorry this is long but someone tell me if i am wrong?
indian husband / parents in law
u r not overreacting
Hi Panicked
a scared mom
dont worry
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