Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

hai friends, we are married for two years. We are not having kid till now. My in laws were brought up in a typical village ( i dont want to name the village) atmosphere.We are living separately and my in laws are living separately. My husband is an IIT student. I am an MBA graduate. I am feeling very shy to write about my problems here. But i need some counselling. No other way.
The problem will arise whenever i visit my inlaws place during my periods. My in laws will make problem whenever i had my periods. According to them the girl should sit separately, take food only after husband takes it, should come only from backside of the home, should not touch anything, should not walk inside the home. They r very orthodox. If i walk inside they will pour water on my footprints and they will walk. This will happen only during my periods. My husband knows it and he will keep ' mumm' . I had felt it very insulting. His grandfather were sasthrigal that they should not see the girl who is having periods.But my FIL is educated.He is a retired govt.employee. Even he will not say anything. They are thinking that my husband will cook here before going to office.
But my husband is having office by morning around 8' O clock. He cant do it i know.And he will return late in night only.He is having excess pressure in office.I can understand it. And we are managing it here.But i dont know how to make my inlaws understand the same? My husband told me that dont want to visit his place when i had my periods. But my in laws are scolding me and my husband for that. What to do?
Another problem will come whenever my inlaws visit our place here. We are living in an apartment.Whenever they visit our place it is the duty of my husband to take \" to and fro\" train tickets.They will not book for themselves.They are so much money minded that they will book only from their village to bangalore to meet their younger son. But now only my husband is booking even for that.When they want to meet us they are telling that they dont know how to book tickets.
I must go to the courier office to send the same. When it got delayed due to transit they keep phone calling. It is irritating me like anything. My husband is having one younger brother. He will never spend for his parents. He is only residing in bangalore.But even when my in laws are visiting bangalore also nowadays my husband books ticket and emailing the same to his brother' s id.He is telling that he is not having time to book tickets for them.Why can' t they book ticket for themselves? My FIL is b.sc (chemistry) graduate.His brother will never spend for his parents.My brother in law is B.E.(Mechanical).Is it fair on his part?
Can' t he know that his elder brother is married and also having a family? He is a bachelor now.He will never talk to me or with anyone in our family. When i asked my husband he is telling that he is having inferiority complex. Whenever i discuss the same with my husband, my husband will tell it is my duty to spend for my parents.I will do as per my wish.Remember, my inlaws will never get anything for us even when they are coming here.They will never spend a paise for us.They are so much money minded. On the contrary, when we visit their place we need to get them all provisions for a month and come.My father in law is getting pension. He is having his own house.When i discuss the same with my husband he will say again that it is my duty.
We are staying here in rental house only. My husband is having seven years of experience. But when i married him he is having only Rs.2000 as bank balance. All the money he had spent for his parents. Now i am saving now (by investing some money in banks, mutual fund, etc) but now he is feeling that all his friends had got their own house but he didnt get it.
I cant understand his mentality.I am not bothered about spending for my inlaws. Even i had taken interest initially when i got married and spend so much for them.But till now it is not having any recognition. They had never cherished the same or appreciated.
Each and everytime my husband is managing two families means when we can get our own house, car, and lead a life comfortably? My inlaws are financially independent. I know how much difficult to run a family by staying in a rental house, taking care of monthly expenditure that too in a metropolitan city. They must know our pain. What i can do to manage the same? I got fed up with my husband!!!

hi prada replied. be happy that ur inlaws are not wanting to stay with u guys..take it as a boon..atleast u can be happy mentally though u dont have money..money minded ppl will never change.ur husband has to cut the expenses for their parents..u cannot do anything alone. prada replied. Hey Anusha,
Your in-laws seem to be typically orthodox as far as your problem is concerned.All I can suggest is try to skip your periods once using particular tablets meant for post-poning periods(ofcourse under doctor' s supervision).Once you delay your periods ,the next time you visit your in-laws the date gets adjusted.But strictly saying do not use the medicines evrytime you go ,as it is not at all safe for you to use too many of them and for everytime.
Spending for your ILS travel-do not mind doing that.They are retired and only living on a mere pension,you should infact keep them with you.But Your husband paying for their fares as they visit your BIL ,does' nt seem fair.
The next time when your husband tries paying for bangalore ,bring the topic of having your own house ,saying let' s cut down on extra expenses.He' ll understand that you too are desperate to have a house of your own.
Spending on extra things for ILS,see that you are spending carefully and only on necessary and essential items.Sit down with your ILS and share how tough it is to lead a life in a metropolitan city(as they might be unaware of it staying in a small village).
You and your husband sit and try to calculate how much money you would need when you have a child and how much the expenses would be as he grows.Maintain an account book noting down day-to-day expenses and both of you will get an idea how much money goes wasted.You personally motivate your husband regarding having your own house ,having a separate children' s room ,a separate garden and such things and start saving from now,coz when you really have a child it might get too late.Save now and save for your and your child' s life.