Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

I have been married for 10 yrs and I have faced lot of problems with my hubby and in-laws. Initially I was in a joint family with my MIL and BIL for 3 years. She had some illegal affairs because of which my FIL left her before my marriage. My husband used to take care of her. She never allowed me to cook or take care of house hold things. She made me do other things like sweeping, washing vessels etc. She is very smart and used to tell things on my back to my husband. She is very fond of her relatives and always some of her relatives used to stay at our house. Even she made us to sleep outside by giving our bedroom to her relatives. I was only 19 when I was married , I was studying my PG and didnt understand her tricks. But after some days slowly I understood and told my husband that I cannt live in that house anymore. I told my MIL the same and stopped talking to her for few days. I gave my entire first salary to them for starting family in new house. After that I was happy for 2 years and used to speak very less with her when we meet in any ocassions. After my dauhter is born, I left her at my mothers place because of my job. After 1.5 years, I bought my daughter back as she had so many health problems. Then my husband asked his mother to come and stay with us to take care of my baby which she agreed. I was not at all interested in this but I thought MIL must have changed her attitude by then. Then she came home. Initally she was okay though I didnt have any good terms with her, I bear her for my daughter and husband. After 1 year, again her deed satrted. She is living in my house as though she is living in some hotel. She gets pocket money every month from my BIL who is in US. But she never takes out 1 rupee for my daughter also. She lost interest in taking care of my kid but used to act before my husband. I do the entire work in the morning including cooking before I go to office. She only looks after my child when she is back from school. I have to make her evening food ready and need to tell my MIL what to feed her for each meal as though I had to tell a maid. Now my frustation reached to such an extent that Im not able to bear her at home any more. Im fed up with fights with her.Im carrying my second baby now . Though Im 7th month pregnant I have to take care of my 3.5 year old kid and cooking . I strongly feel I can' nt live with MIL any more with ou peace of mind. Am I wrong in my thinking? Im working at MNC and earning good but the moment I go home from office suffering starts. Please advice me if I' m rude in my thinking . peppy replied. Send ur kids in a day caer

And

Convince your husband to Keep MIL in same city and pay her expenses.

I know, this may be an expensive affair but can be worked, since you are earning.

There' s one life and you cannot waste like that. ssk replied. Dear Durga,
From whatever you have written,i can only guess your situations.I dont know your or your mother-in-law' s nature exactly.
so,i might be wrong in whatever i am writing.
But,when i read your post,i can only see fault from your side.sorry for that...
let me explain.
I can see that you never tried to adjust with your mother in law and was not happy in the joint family and separated.Its ok,you were not dependent on her.But the scene changed when your child is born.You sent her away from you,and it was not good for your daughter and her health affected.Had you shown some patience earlier and adjusted with your mother in law,you would not have had to send your daughter away from you.your mother-in-law would have been there to take care of your child.
still,when you called her at a later stage,she again came to your house to look after her grandchild and also to be with her son.it shows her love for them.
now you are again making her life difficult.she is old and might want to save some money for her future.what if she fell ill?with this kind of relationship with you,she might not be very confident about you people taking care of her expenses.so she is being safe by saving some money.
please see things from her side.show some respect and love to an aging lady.we all are human beings and need each other.try to learn to accept her..you both will be very happy. SS replied. Hi, yaar naam Durga bhawani n u r bearing non sense frm ur MIL unnecesaarily. Why dont u luk for a good daycare for ur daughter or after ur second delivery u wil take leaves, u can keep a maid which wil be helpful during post delivery n can see ur daughter in ur presence. After u resume ur work u can keep the kids in day care. Dont torture ur self, be bold and be happy, dont bear the nasty lady if she cant spare a penny for her grand daughter. Good Luck