Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi All...In my case,I have an okay kind of relationship with my in-laws...my FIL is of a very helping nature..I am with them since 3.9years now..I hv a kid who is 1.6years old.

B4 I got pregnant, things were much in control..i didnt hv to interact much with my in-laws..but now I am fulltime at homw with my kid..so I keep getting irritated very soon..get angry very fast..although I take of the entire cooking of brkfst and lunch..but my MIL is most of the time commenting on something or the other..wch I cannot take..now it has happened that i keep complaining to my husband abt my MIL and hv a fight with him most of the times...

I wanted to move out with my hubby..I feel I would be hurting my in-laws since they r old as well..and my husband' s elder bro is in teh US,so he also cannot take care of his parents..i feel he' s too selfish.

So i cannot go right or left..i hv no choice... an replied. same here.Facing the same problem.My MIL will never eat anything that i cook or will find thousands of faults with it.But if i dont cook then also she has a problem saying that i dont do any work.she pretends to every one that she is doing the whole work Starting from looking after my son to making breakfast and everthing.if someone calls up till the time my fil speaks to caller she will take my son to her room and talk to caller as if she is looking him after since morning.All the family members think that she is doing the everything.even till date she follows madi aacharam i.e during periods i shudnt go 2 kitchen shudnt touch her even plate and glass is kept separated with myself.She will throw rotis on the plate as if iam a dog.u cant imagine how humiliating that is.Right now iam very happy as she is going mumbai where my bil stays till mar 1.if any body has solutions plz post Mel replied. It was the same with me. When we lived with them, my MIL would do little little things that my husband would think it' s too small an issue. But, for me.... from morning to night... this series of little things used to go on and on... and drive me crazy.

It' s the same thing with you. She is doing it purposely. She is purposely ignoring you and acting like this, because this way she gets to be mean, and it' s too small an issue for a confrontation from her son.

I don' t know... if you want to live peacefully with them, you have to ignore all these irritating things that she does. Maybe she will stop it if she realises that all her little games are not working as they have NO EFFECT on you.

I don' t know what other option you have. For me, my ILs tortured us both (hubby and me) a lot. Yet, even now, if my MIL asks my hubby for something, he cannot decline. He says ' Main Dharam Sankat Mein Fass Gaya Hoon.' He knows they don' t deserve it, but he thinks that it is his duty to do whatever they ask. So, he just does it.

My husband works 7 days a week. We run our own small company. He trains at client companies, and is standing for 9 hours in a day. he drives 2 hours to the client company, and 2 hours back. He works SO hard. And I look after my 9 month old son without any help from my ILs. They live comfortably, have 3 servants. My FIL earns Rs. 60000 per month, and gets a pension of 18000 as he is a retired Army Officer. They have no expenses as they only buy some cheap trash for gifting us and our child (their only son, and their only grandson). She gives me Rs. 50 ka slippers for my birthday. And says she went to MG road to buy them. And she gifts my son cheap synthetic clothes that the maids buy from a cheap bazaar. Gold aur Silver ka tho naam chodo. Now, she tells my husband that my FIL is getting very tired in his job and that we should take him in our company and give him a salary of 30000. I' m so fed up of her. Doesn' t she care that we have a little child in the house ? That our expenses are a lot and that we have to save money as we will not get pension like them. We have NO insurance, no savings, no FDs. Whenever we get our cheques, she has some demand. ' Give me 2 gold coins as I need to Chadao them for God for an important Pooja.' I know it' s a game, but my husband says if he doesn' t give it, it' s as if he is saying No to God, as she has said its for a Pooja.

I am amazed at how greedy, lowly, manipulative, selfish and cruel and old woman can be. I don' t know why she doesn' t spend these days atoning for her sins and trying to be closer to God. My MIL is a blood sucking vampire, and until the day she is alive, she will suck all our money from our hands. Forget about giving us anything, she doesn' t even let us do anything for our own selves. AH replied. Hi Mel....i have this problem that my ILs try to influence my daughter a lot...today she says that she wants to take my daughter to the temple...fun is..they cant walk properly herself..and moreover they are old..so they cannot manage her..i said..if i join you then its fine..but u wont be able to manage alone...so she is nto bothered to ask me to come..but she wants my daughter to come..so mean...!!!

SInce my BIL is in teh US..she cannot play with the 2 kids of my BIl..so she is trying to influence my baby....and shes so mean that when it comes to makign any gold item or anything to the grandchildren..she does more than expected to those kids and very little for my daughter...but anyways..i dont need her gold/silver or any property..if she leaves me alone..thats enuff...!!!

But is she doing this to me...i am getting upset and it is bothering me very much..i complained to my hubby and he is also supporting them...she' s is just 1.7 years old now and has fever and severe cold...but these people dotn understand.. Mel replied. I can understand your situation. Since your in-laws are overall not that bad or manipulative, your husband finds it unreasonable to separate from them. It is also the reason that your parents are asking you to maintain the relationship. Maybe a better solution would be for your husband to speak to them in private. Make sure you are not present. And he can explain to them that it would be easy for him, too, to leave them and their care, and go abroad and make a nice life for himself and his wife and child. But, he chooses to be here because he loves his parents and wants to be responsible for their care. And that is the reason he cannot build a bungalow... or have a big bank balance. That they should stop looking up to his brother, since he took the easy way out. If he can explain that and if the situation improves, then it is a win-win for you all. The only other thing you can do then, is to manage your child for a year or so, and once he starts going to school, resume your job. DON' T STAY AT HOME.

For me, my MIL used to torture me mentally. They harassed me even when I was expecting our first child. My husband is an only child, and yet, they asked us to vacate their flat when I was 8 months pregnant. My husband works 7 days a week, so I had to pack the entire house and shift by myself within a weeks time. They had no sympathy whatsoever. Because of this behaviour, it made it very easy for my husband to see their true colours. Even then, we still live 5 mins away from them, and he tries to do as much as possible for them. But, now he doesn' t expect me to do any duty towards them.

I hope your situation improves. All the best. Mel replied. MOVE OUT !

You think your Brother-in-law is selfish ? Take a look at your MIL. She is not satisfied with the son and daughter-in-law who are looking after her. It' s not worth it. Before, I used to think on similar lines.... Let them behave anyhow, we have to do our duty. But, over a period of time, the more we tolerated, the more we were insulted, controlled, and manipulated. My in-laws behaved as if it was their divine right to demand anything and everything.

You will find that over a period of time, you will get angrier and angrier. Try and sit your husband down. And explain to him calmly that it is tiring to manage 2 meals and a little kid, and that the CONSTANT taane marna is bothering you. That you try to ignore it as much as you can, but it doesn' t seem to end.