Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hello!

I have a question and problem( may be lots of girls has same problem).

I live in USA and when ever I( alone without husband )visit to india I want to spend more time at my parents home.......but my husband and his family thinks I should stay at in-laws home more......

what should i do? its obvious we don' t visit frequently to country( every 2 year or 4 yr just for maximum 40 days ) we want to spend more time with our family members and friends. its more relaxing and more comfort and enjoyment.........

any suggestion how to deal this thing?

Thank you, SS replied. You know I guess every married woman who lives in US or any other country faces this same problem.

1. Whenever I go to India, I go and stay at my mothers place. I am not very welcome at my MIL' s place. I cant take the stress.

2. I too wish I dont have to do these India trips. Its so stressful ...husband and wife will fight continously on that trip

3. Relatives think you wear dollars bills....they start their big saga of how much medication they have to take..and try to extract the maximum amount from hubby...

4. Also if i Stay at mum' s place then neighbours keep asking mum ....she doesnt stay at her in-laws...even more frustrating...

5. I am happier where I am instead of going down to India

I do miss home.....but wish we did not have to face all these stupid situations Gauri replied. Well, why don' t you ask your husband to be in your shoes. Why don' t you ask him, \" if you were me, would you stay with you wife' s parents\" probably not! Also tell him that if something doesn' t work for him then it also doesn' t work for you. Tell him not to have double standards!

One other method you can use about this situation is that tell him that you don' t want to stay there. you want to stay with your family. Just tell him you will stay they for four of five days to make him happy. If he loves you, he would understand you SK replied. Esha,

Just answering your points :

You in-laws are bound to call you when you are staying at your mum' s place on the pretext on some family wedding or birthdays.Just repsond to them sweetly but in a firm way.If they ask you to attend a wedding or function with them while you are at your mum' s place do so but make sure you return to your mum' s place after the function.Let them know that you have a function at your family side the next day.Make some excuse.

I really can' t advise you on what to wear when you are at your in-laws place but you can wear jeans/track suits if your in-laws are comfortable.On doing house chores whe your in-laws relatives come over , that cant be avoided.As Afriend pointed out , come to think about it , you are here for few weeks only.I am sure you can do this much or you can be frank with your mother in law and let her know that since you people woudl be visiting India and your relatives usually pour in for few days, you can keep a part time servant for few days.Thsi way you can actually spent good time with your in-laws & relatives.Be frank to her yet be polite.

For the festivals, if you wish to visit during the festve season , let both the sets of families know this before hand.You can ask your parents to come over at your in-laws place for the festival day.You can have a get together at either your mum' s place or at in-laws place.I mean I understand that you would like to spend that day with your mum & dad and your husband woudl like to spend that day with his parents so why not do it in a joint way?Just my thought,you can consult your husband on that.I am not sure if this can be feasible in your case.

Whether you like it or not , you can not stop visiting India , atleast till the time you have your parents here , so you have no choice but to accept the situations that you will come accross while you are in India and move on.

All the best and Hope my suggestions help.Regards,SK
Afriend replied. I do not think that this is a very big issue .Just try to see the brighter side of ur situation you meet them(and of course tolerate them) for harldy a month in 2-4 years .Atleast u r free & independent for the rest of the time .Just think abt the poor souls who live day in & day out with in-laws and bear all the brunts.
Make this thing (very politely of course)clear to u husband that u will divide time equally between ur parents & in-laws as u have full right to see & stay with ur parents.
If they say abt any function in their family just politely say \" yes there is one function -b' day in our family also \" thus making them realise that ur family is equally imp.& u 2 have the same duties towards ur family also. if u are their DIL then it just not stop ur duty towards ur own family .
C u have to handle it very cleverly .otherwise they can unnecessary spoil ur relation with ur husband & the plus point in ur situation is that they are away from u .
Count this as a blessing . SK replied. Hi Esha,
This is a genuine problem.You wil need to make your husband understand that if he is meeting his parents after 2/4 yrs and would want to stay with them then you too woudl want the same for your parent.It somehow seemed to me from your message that you parents and in-laws stay in the same city.Whenever you visit India next , let your husband and your in-laws know well in advance that you intend to stay at your mum' s place for 2 weeks out of 40 days or if possible you come to India alone first and stay at your mum' s place for 2 weeks & then ask your husband to join you at your in-laws place.Dear, this is an extremely tricky situation so you would need to handle this delicately.
Hope my suggestion helps.Regards,SK