Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

I have very very unique and frigtening situation. I live in a joint family , I conceived through donor sperm after a long time of marriage and though we live in a joint family no one knows about it. I feel terribly lost , frightened and extremely fearful as no one knows about it and that is creating a very awkward situation. I was under the impression that we will move but that did not happen. I am struck like this for a long long time and I cant even tell anyone as this might affect there health. I feel I am getting lost and think of dying all the time. I feel betrayed that I am taken for a ride and he could not even do this for me(get a seperate place). I feel like I am fool to trust im. My life is a complete mess. I dont know what to do. I truly want to vent out my feelings and never ever trust him ever. Please help Thanks/ Hopeful replied. Hi Disha,

I am not sure if you still visit this forum. I would love to chat to you. I am in a similar situation to yours. Disha replied. Thanks for your reply' s. I dont feel good after doing this as there is no one to protect me. I feel completely lost and discontent and unfulfilled and wasted. I feel what will happen in the future beacuse after thinking and thinking for a long time I have truly affected my health and heart issues. I already have delivered.
Please tell me it here is powerful slokas to wade off bad spirits. I havent even gone anywhere after my delivery. meeta replied. Dear Disha,

Using donor sperm is not a taboo these days but if you want to keep it a secret then thats fine too. But i don' t understand why is it creating issues in the family when no one knows abt it ? why are you worried ? Are you afraid what if everyone comes to know abt it somehow ? Please write in more details as to what is troubling you. Is it just that your plans to move away have been cancelled that you are feeling depressed ? Yes, that sad to know that your hubby is not fulfilling his promise. But dear I really don' t understand what are you afraid of ? Are you pregent presently or have you already given birth to the child? Please write back. Waiting for your response. namita replied. u have nt mentioned ur prob properly so it is diffult to ans. ... hope ur husband was aware abt donor sperm ... feeling tht u hve betrayed ur IL' s by nt informing is ok, bt i m sure u hve taken a right decision in favour of everyone

be clear abt the things u hve return so tht we can reply Pete replied.
Hi Disha,

First rule of life. When you don' t have someone to confide in, the best thing to do is to distract your mind. Secondly the matter you are going through, the only person to confide in is your Husband. It makes no sense to confide in a friend as the only response he/she can do is listen to your story and empathize. Well what you need in situations like this or any is not empathy but someone who can stand for you and support you. So let’s look at who can do it for you:

It’s YOU and only YOU alone.

1. If you are employed then focus on your work and stop thinking what you are thinking and worrying now. You chose to do this with your Husbands consent so why to fear. If someone knows about it, it’s very clear that you together did it with your spouse and you are not alone in this matter.
2. If you are unemployed, then try and find a job, it’s not easy and it’s not tough either.
3. Get engaged in some activity that will keep you busy the whole day and stop you mind into getting into all these thoughts.
4. The only way to overcome fear is to overcome fear itself.

So be bold, I know it will take a while for you to try the above and relax. I am sure you will be relaxed and happy one day. Also keep persuading your husband to move out. Keep bugging him, he will either do it out of interest or because of you’re bugging him. At least you will be happy as you can move out of that joint family.

Worst Case Scenario:

Even after the above you are not able to find peace. If your husband is not supportive (which in your case he needs to be very supportive and be with you always unto death to protect you just in case people come to know about it and try to make your life miserable), if you feel your life will be hell if people come to know about it and you don’t have the mental and physical courage and strength to face it, then you will have to think about the inevitable. You might feel I am sounding RUDE (as a responsible human being I would not recommend it, but sometime you need to make a choice between things). You will have to forget the child if he/she will be the cause of your misery in future. It’s easy to terminate the child now rather than having it and bearing the miseries for the rest of your life. If the worries and fear you have now continues forever, then it’s not worth living life with fear as you will never be in peace and enjoy life. I pray that things will work out fine for you and you don’t have to forget the kid.

God bless

Pete