Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

I m coming on this board after a gap......thogh i had shared my issues with u all...problem is still the same.
It has been 7 years of our marriage.
My hubby has 2 personalities.Sometime i found him caring but most of the time he is just complaing about difficult his life is with me.But then again after a few days he changes his statements & says he has no life without us( me & our baby).
Problem is from beging when we were living with his parents.They injected lots of wrong things about my parents in his mind....like they dont respect them & him, kuch diya nahin...etc.Though my inlaws themseleves r very very miser.
Now after so many years ...I know my parents were always there with us in any difficult situation while his parents were not. In so many years i have seen his family non caring & money minded attitude.I do keep analysing myself that maybe i have misunderstood them...but dont find myself wrong.
Due to all these misunderstanding he doesnt care about my family & moreoverdont like me to think or care about them.Only he want to keep a formal relation...i m eldest daughter & dont want to behave like this as it will make my younger ones do the same with me.
And the most imp problem thath whenever he is angry, he says lots of bad words to me whish really hurt me.
I left my job to take care of family but now i feel to be financially inependent.....if i have sacrificed my dreams ..what i m getting in return?This family is still not mine.
His mother came to stay with us for few months & he used to spend whole sat& sun with her.If i feel irritated or objected that i also want some personal time..he wud start yelling & make it a public drama.While he himself will not like the vica versa.
His parents r really not worth to be called as parents(dont want to share all incidents)
Still i m fine if he cares for them, as a son its his duty though they hvnt fullfill anyof there.

i want to consult a marriage counsellar...but dont know wheather they will be able to help me out.
Now i dont want to take divorce from him( though it has become difficult to stay with him & his dual personality).becaose of our kid..He is really lovely father.

I want to cutoff my relations with bothsides of the family so that these problems doesnt arise but being indian its not possible.....

I dont knwo weather i have explained myself...but i m really really very depressed.

I m kind of girl like many of u who thinks that nowadays boy & girl r equal & they should have same set of duties towars their family .
Why girl should just take gifts & obligation when she also has been brought up in the same way as her brother.

He always blames me for not keeping proper relation with his family while i have always done my duties though i really dislike their selfishness. jm replied. dont u have better things to do in life other than dwelling in these things...
my advice take a chill ...live and let otheres live sonu replied. I was talking to myself regarding same issue and worrying! just came to this board for a change and my feelings are written in text by you!!

So My dear SG, here we have nothing to do with it.
We have to adjust with the fact that we are of their least importance. So ,You should stop bothering for his love and affection.
You need not to sacrifice your dreams for his family.

First thing you have to do is...start doing a job. Then you' ll have a motive and ambition for life so ur mind stop revolving around him. Then automatically ur mind tells you how to lead a happy life!!
You' ll have a socail life then ' HE' too becomes ignorable thing for you .

My husband never dare to buy something precious for me. He always skip to buy anything for me. But his parents and sister are his obligations with love. So he' ll buy anything for them...if not with love ,for MEHARBANI. Now , I decided myself not to ask him anything and should buy whatever I want with my earned money.It gives me satisfaction too.

Also,Be firm and dont be emotionally dependent on him. I' m learning to be like that. Nowadays ,I stopped seeking his attention and being as a nice couple was out of my dreams now.

When they can live without our love and attention, Why cant we live like that? Pl answer this question ,dear. Why should always we love them and seek privacy when tey dont have any type of urge??!!Question yourself this thing and realise that when we live practical and stop being dependent on them...Automatically, one day they have to turn to us.

If not, we' ll be turned away and live under same roof... without any attachment. I' m just liking this idea recently. Because I' m happy while ignoring him.

Now, I laugh with him , n' joy with him, shop with him...but still n' joy the detachment.Until he shows care and loe like previous, I' ll not crave for his attention. If he love to go roam with me, I' ll! But , I' ll ot crave for going with him....recently , I' m realising my parents love and n' joying their company too. Without any competition, they give me pure affection which reveal my tensions. I dont expect anything form them except love.They too dont expect anything except nice behaviour.Even same with my kid. my daughter loves me and seek my total attention . And , I n' joy giving her attention too.

We should behave practical with husband , only if he is practical.
We should never seem to be needy when thye are are stubborn to give us important space.

Iused to followwhn ppl suggest... changing husbands with love and affection.
but, it was not effective for me. So I' m changing my attitude instead of changing his attitude. I stopped having such dreams which need his acceptance . Learning to be practical and happy with it.
I think u like my idea. If not, pl tell me in hwich way u want to change him acc to u? Because Always I tried everything but failed to be happy when I was attached to him toomuch.