Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Hi Al,
I' m sure most of you must be in the same boat as mine...I' m a married working girl in U.S ..my problem is my inlaws, their interference, their demands, double standard and then the money send to them...
My husband is very attached to his mother and feels that he has to do everythg for his family..he sends lik $3000-4000 every year to them Besides the fact that thye have $10000 with them in form of CD' S. they get all the interest and everythg.

My MIL is a school principal...oh ya u guessed it right very smart, active, cheerful, double standard lady...she talks so sweet and tries to emotionally control her son..she leaves no chance to explain her son that he has to do everythg for them and his sister....

they have never done anythg for us..My husband came here..did his graduation , took loand and then repaid...they didnt eve pay for his school...didnt pay anythg..then once he strated working hes een sending them money...he wants to go for MBA nxt year and its an expense of $100,000 ..they wnt help us...
he paid them for the mrg expense, but thye did nothg and kept all the money...they have never even given me a single good gift by themselves...


my MIL pretends and tries to control all the money...she pretends as if our money is hers...its one and the same thing ..how can it be?...we support them and they havent done anythg for us....my husband understands sometimes but tries to cover them and thik that he has do everythg its his responsibilty....

i' m so sick of hat smart lady...who tries to take everythgf rom us and never even call my parents...pretends that she is ladke waali...hell with her....i' m a working girl..my parents have supported me more in my education and upbringing than what she has done for her son....shame on parents like these....

how can i make her realize that we re earning our money and its not her by any chance...? and how much do you guys think is a valid amount to be send to them every year....? smita replied. As jevitha is saying requirement is the factor but i think it is responsibility if they dnt have..so we have have to send Jevitha replied. Hi Person,
Any person would send money according to the requirements of the family and their daily needs.
Veda replied. Hi person,
So money is most important for person and if children will stay far from parents they have to send the amount for them because they are our parents. Poorna replied. Hi XYZ,
In laws are major for every couple and at one stage they too will become in laws to their kids so
remember even that and behave to your in laws. Jai replied. hi lady,
Such type of questions would be raised only by daughter in laws.Listen they are also equal to your parents.When they had given everything to your husband why do you calculate all. kali replied. Hi Lady,
Why do you think like that you know what needs they do have monthly.Based on that you send them money.Because it is the age for them to get relaxed and not to try hard to make money. Meghana replied. Hi Xyz,
It will be common problem in all houses and regarding the amount you are speaking depends up on the family and their monthly income also and you must think about that and you have to take decision.
Priya replied. Hi Bhumi,
So can you say what would be the solution you had chosen to solve the problem because many people would have come to know about the problem you are facing and they will come to know about the solution also. Meena replied. Hi Person,
So then what you had done to resolve the problem also can you state that because and i wish you would state in the forum also and it will be useful for all people also who do have the same problem so can you revert. Jam replied. Hello Person,
I think you got some rough idea about the problem you had faced and you will know how to solve the issue also and can you say what was the solution you have taken also regarding that can you say that. Yug replied. Hello Lady,
I think you were much worried about that and it depends upon the family and you can send to your in laws according to your family situation i wish you would take good decision also and it will be helpful for your in laws. Hayaathi replied. Hi Lady,
How can we say about that tell me because it is not so good to decide which is right and no one could say you about that you and your husband decide about the financial matters that how much you want to send to them. Naveena replied. Hi Lady,
It depends up on the family you have to decide how much to be sent to your in laws because you know very well about your financial crisis so both of you couple sit and talk and then decide how much to be sent. keerthi replied. Hey

I can understand your problem,here you have to know some things like you should never interfere in between a son and his mother because you will be the culprit finally.If you really want your husband's wish of studying MBA want to be fulfilled ,why dont you start saving money for his studies and dont let him know that you are saving for him,and after gathering some amount like 5k dollars give it to all at once and tell him that you have cut all your comforts and expenses only to help him financially.Let him know that he is doing the same to send his family,he will himself analyse he is doing a mistake. Alok replied. Hello Person,
It depends up on the person and you need to look after them only so it depends up on the person and even your budget also that would give you proper idea about the amount to be sent to the parents also. Hayaathi replied. Hello Lady,
Can you clarify me with some doubts is your husband only son to them or do they have more children if not your money will not go to any where because again it will come to you but you need to hold some patience. Ch replied. I am disgusted with my in-laws. My husband has a brother,when got engaged inlaws said I am like their daughter. After engagement they started fighting my father gave 100gm gold biscuit they said it's not good and took cash, they came to fight for my jewellery stating that is theirs in dowry. Kind of issues were there till my wedding. Later after wedding they started treating me like a house maid for cooking and house chores. I was a working women my father inlaws asked about my salary and said he is the head of the family have to handover my salary to him I dint agree and they wanted keep all my gold furniture and wanted us to be with steel things and one bed.my husband is very soft spoken. He has been sending all of his salary to them till wedding. After wedding they started to trouble they have wedding loan (wedding done by my father). Every time we go home we have to pay thousands. Both my in-laws are govt servants (one in court and other is teacher).my fil we paid in cas many time when they were working. We got them car because of their pressure. My fil said a site from court, he wanted us to pay the instalment which we did,my son was a premature baby 25days in icu they didn't have curtsey to visit as no leaves.at that time my parents stood as helping hand. Fil asked us to pay installment we said no as heavy expenditures for me and my son,they were waiting for same came to blr and registered site without visiting us.i was working till my son was 6year my parents took care,when ever we call in-laws for help they had many reasons even after retirement. We planned for our second baby my mother in law asked how many kids you need.now I quit my job to take care of my kids and we bought a new house my in-laws say it's their son's house they have worked very hard they wanted stay in our new house and they miss grand children a lot. My husband is always tortured by relatives,brother and Mil fil "as elder son what he has done?"i feel disgusted. Still we are paying inspite they getting pension( which the lie the amount they get)for them no responsibility in own house Ch replied. I am disgusted with my in-laws. My husband has a brother,when got engaged inlaws said I am like their daughter. After engagement they started fighting my father gave 100gm gold biscuit they said it's not good and took cash, they came to fight for my jewellery stating that is theirs in dowry. Kind of issues were there till my wedding. Later after wedding they started treating me like a house maid for cooking and house chores. I was a working women my father inlaws asked about my salary and said he is the head of the family have to handover my salary to him I dint agree and they wanted keep all my gold furniture and wanted us to be with steel things and one bed.my husband is very soft spoken. He has been sending all of his salary to them till wedding. After wedding they started to trouble they have wedding loan (wedding done by my father). Every time we go home we have to pay thousands. Both my in-laws are govt servants (one in court and other is teacher).my fil we paid in cas many time when they were working. We got them car because of their pressure. My fil said a site from court, he wanted us to pay the instalment which we did,my son was a premature baby 25days in icu they didn't have curtsey to visit as no leaves.at that time my parents stood as helping hand. Fil asked us to pay installment we said no as heavy expenditures for me and my son,they were waiting for same came to blr and registered site without visiting us.i was working till my son was 6year my parents took care,when ever we call in-laws for help they had many reasons even after retirement. We planned for our second baby my mother in law asked how many kids you need.now I quit my job to take care of my kids and we bought a new house my in-laws say it's their son's house they have worked very hard they wanted stay in our new house and they miss grand children a lot. My husband is always tortured by relatives,brother and Mil fil as elder son what he has done.i feel disgusted. Kindly suggest. Raghav replied. ' Naive' - the same can be said of you and fits you perfectly.

What makes you think a person with a career can' t be a home breaker.
It' s one' s ideology that makes one a home-breaker and that person could be a man or a woman.

All one needs is selfishness to be a home breaker.

Why does wife want to milk her husband to get money for herself(I am not talking about the kids' expenses here)
If he won' t get the monet from him, she will snap ties with him?
Apply that same logic to the wife too
otherwise that would mean a double standard.
You are quick to blame a son' s parents and wrongfully accuse them of being selfish but you adopt a completely different yardstick to examine a wife' s behaviour.

The son' s parents are not saying that they would snap ties with their son if he can' t offer financial help. They might be hurt but you are the one who' s making all these assumptions about the parents.

Why should the hubby act as a provider for the wife the wife can & should do that for herself.

And, where did I say that the wife can' t help her parents out but she has no right to stop her husband from doing so.

And, are kids especially sons supposed to wait for the time when their parents
become homeless or are starving to offer their help?

How pathetic is that thought. It' s wrong and plain jealousy.

This reminds me of a woman on some forum who asked the following question:

Why should my husband even offer EMOTIONAL support to his parents? Are they dying of a terminal illness?

(mind you, I am not even talking about financial support here)

How heartless and cruel.


So, according to you, adult kids should express their love and gratitude towards their parents ONLY when they find their parents have been driven to a state of extreme dispair?

Till then, the adult kids are supposed to wait and watch & merrily go about their lives.

How could you ever wish that on anyone' s parents?


Raghav replied. Hey Anna you surely sound like a home wrecker.
Santa seems to one of the most beautiful persons on earth.
If the son is spending money on his parents/siblings using his savings and earnings, then the wife shouldn' t have any objections. What makes her think that she has a greater right on the hubby' s earnings than his own natal family.
And, don' t ask Santa if he has sent money to his in-laws. Why would he? Is his wife spending her own money on her husband' s parents?
Then it' s very unreasonable & highly selfish to expect the husband to spend it on his in-laws (ie. the wife' s parents)

Yes, the wife can send the money to her parents if she wants to but on the condition that house she is living in has been bought with equal earnings (50% husband' s and 50% wife' s) or she has made a 50% financial contribution (equal to 50% of the total value of the house)at a later stage.
In case she hasn' t and she is living in the house purchased by her husband (or hubby' s parents) which is quite likely then she should better pay her due first before spending it on her parents.

After clearing her dues, she can spend it on her parents.That' s what equality has to be about otherwise it just sounds as if it' s all about one' s convenience.

Don' t even talk about the dowry in case it has been given, she can take it back and return all the expensive diamonds worth million bucks she got from her in-laws & hubby.


And, women who call their husbands mama' s boys sounds so pathetic for they instantly make it clear that they are jealous women who can' t tolerate the love the husband has for his parents/siblings and hence label him as a mama' s boy (since a guy' s mother seems like the easiest target in such cases)

Why do such women marry men only make lives of their husbands and their families a living hell?
If they are so jealous, they can stay unmarried or find an equally selfish men (who obviously will turn out to be nice husbands as per their ideology).

Save those selfish men for they don' t what they don' t what they are getting into because first such type of women will loosen the ties he has with his family thereby rendering him helpless and alone and then proceed to completely overpower him.

Nice strategy! And , it' s real!