Parents of Schoolgoers  Discussion Forum

Ya ur right..if husband is supportive we can do that....but our husbands are not like that..
My husband is nice very nice...but nice to them too....he tries to cover them and feel he has to send money home every month...i cant stop him...we fought about it couple of times...now i' m so annoyed that i feel i will replicate the same by giving money to my parents....they dnt need it and would not even accept from daughter, but i want to.....

so my MIL knows that her son is in control..he will send money no matter what, and she feel she had the right on everything that belong to us....its her actaully...
My husband i know from his heart dnt feel that..he knows that we have to buy house and do stuff by ourselves, but never listens to stop sending money to them or send them occassionaly...

I come from a family where parents help kids in education, famly and support them...here its the opposite in all the cases...no matter how much they have...they have less and we have to support them
I cant control my husband sending money, and i have accepted this...i want to know how much is the reasonable amount to be send..knowing that they have everythg...they have 1 kanal house, 1 plot, they get rent , their jobs..they buy and enjoy every moment of life....so how much should be send to them...?
they dnt help us a penny in his sister education...we have to pay bcz we have credit cards and its one and the same thing they pay or we pay for her tuitions...

and how can i make her realise that whatever we earn is our and she has no right to consider it as her' s. when they cant help us anytime..atleast she takes money and leave us alone and not interfere too much...

Yes i understand that it is hi duty to financially help them, but to an extent....My MIL keeps all the money and ask for more every time...whenver my SIL have to give an exam or fees, they ask us to pay by credit cards..., then when we visit India, we end up paying all the expenses, the things they buy for their house, themselves (we get big gifts for them from here)..they demand expensive things all at a time laptop, i pod, playstation all at a time...then we have to send them the monthly expense..

not just this, my MIL tries to know how much we have and then ask them to send..$10000 is like 10000 rs for her....she has never asked us t raise a family or buy a house, though all the cousins have already done that...

she wants me to send gifts for her, her relatives and even her friends..dnt u think this is terrible...
for tuition fees, i know i came later in the family, but thy dnt do anythg anytime for us...they have evrythg in India, a good 1 kanal house, a rented house, jobs...evrythg...

not just money she tries to interfere in everythg...what have i coked, where did we go?, grocery shopping or are we buying anythg for the house...she feels if we buy somethg here, they should buy it there and money is billed to us...

then my husband is nice..if i ask he buys gifts for my family too...but his mother tells her that they being ladki waale they will do, ur not suppose to...
although i give gifts to my parents occasionally but at the same time i have to do equal to my inlaws also...i feel i dnt send money to my parents , so atleast i should have the leisure of gifting them without showering my inlaws with the same gifts...

if they cant help us, atleast they can support us by saying that they dnt need money every month...but whenevr thy are in need...here they never refuse and just take everythg and then retends that its the same thg...if its with htem or with us...

i dnt want to send them money till they need it or till the time my husband is done with his MBA andwe have a house....we try to save here for all the small stuff and they just keep everythg....

Hi Dear , Thats what I want to tell you don´ t give them always , give them when they are in real need. I can totally understand your situation, My mother in law is same she make excuses to take money from her own son, she said that she has to do some house construction she has to make second floor etc when my husband gave her money when we went to india she kept all the money in her account and said that why to extend house,or make so big we are only two people to live, so I can understand it how these MIL are. while she was visiting here in US whatever she sees in my house she wanted that,she wanted same blanket, same rice cooker, same video camra etc. My husband is mama boy, so he does whatever she tells him to do. and yes we live in rented apartment,never asked my husband to buy a house and says that it is too much expense how you guys will afford but she comes to US every year, (that is not expense for her). what you can do is tell her that you want to start family and your husband is doing MBA you guys can´ t afford any extra expenses for next 5 yr etc, If your husband is suppotive you guys can tell her, I could not do that coz of my husband.

Hi
I am not in favor of in laws demanding money unneccesarly, but if they are in need and you guys earn well you can support then.Do you spend money on your family(parents) and if yes does your husband say anything or he says anything when you you spend anywhere? if not then you should also understand that he is son he will like to help them out. I was in your situation I was to worry a lot How much my husband is sending to his parents, but later i realize that I am loosing my sleep unneccesarly, he will send them more money if I protest it, so I started telling him our expenses and telling him to send money to them when they are in need , now my husband send less money than before, I was more frustrated coz he never let me spend any money on my family but gradually I have seen changes in him too. when I started asking him to help his folks out he some time brings gifts for my siblings etc. so sometime you have to let it go.

The comment you made that your in laws never paid tution fees for your husband and shame on them. he is their son you came after marriage why you are worried who paid for his tution bill etc some parents are capable to pay some are not .

I am telling you this coz my brother is doing undergrad from US and he took loan and he is going to pay back. parents from india (most of them) can' t afford to pay $100,000 for tution, the people who live here also don' t pay the full amounts Kids take their own loan and they pay it back.if he would have studied in India situation might have been different, your inlaws would have paid for his tution fees, so don' t worry about that. I am just telling you my opinion not to offend anyone.